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blatantly bad 70s songs: escape (the pina colada song) (rupert holmes)
Nov 22nd, 2008 by wrekehavoc

if you don’t want to hear this, go get drunk and escape.

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escape (the pina colada song) is the last hit of the 1970s and the first hit of the 1980s.  (if i had realized this at the dawn of that decade, i would have crawled into a cave and waited for the 1990s to come.) it didn’t start out as a monster hit; most people didn’t get it when it was simply called escape. but hell — they knew the pina colada part, so some smart record company stiff added (the pina colada song) and the song went like gangbusters.

i couldn’t drink (legally) at age 14 when this song came out. i didn’t like wussy songs that talked about getting caught in the rain or some froo-froo coconut concoction. i liked the cars; i liked blondie; i liked the police; i liked tom petty and the heartbreakers. in short, i liked things that either rocked or gave me new wave chills. this song did none of the above; it merely seemed like a monotonous radio death march, accessible for married people over 40.

now that i am a married person over 40, i come to this song with a new appreciation. well, maybe appreciation is not quite the word i’m after. annoyance, i suppose. i mean, think about it: if i was dissatisfied with my beloved spouse (AKA BS) and i put a classified out there in the world looking for Mr-Right-Take-Two (in the manner that the singer, a passive-aggressive bastard who can’t actually talk to his girlfriend about their relationship, did); and if i went to that smoky bar and found out that the ad had been answered by BS, would i be laughing with BS about the fact that we have so very much in common? would i be thrilled that the classified had brought us together?

hell, no. i’d be calling up a lawyer.

gee whiz, if i were writing a classified ad to this song, i think it would go something like this:

if you like drinking mojitos,

watching my name is earl,

if you obsess over music

know divine‘s not a girl.

if you think sushi’s overrated

and you love a mixtape,

i’m the lady you’ve looked for,

come with me and escape.

then they’d be playin’ my song.


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