blatantly bad 70s songs: playground in my mind (clint holmes),
November 12th, 2008 by wrekehavoc

when you think vegas, you think elvis. you think wayne newton. you also might think clint holmes.

ah, vegas – the bastion of people who probably had their better days before them. anytime americans go off on britons for allowing mull of kintyre — perhaps the sappiest song ever put forth by my beloved secret boyfriend paul mccartney (and which, admittedly, i’ve grown fond of in my addle-brained old age) — to chart at the top for weeks and weeks, i merely have to point out our dirty little american secret: playground in my mind.

in 1973, bastion-of-vegas clint holmes struck it big with this nursery crime rhyme of a song, in which he duetted with the young son of his producer (a little boy who is now about the same age as i am.) to put things in perspective, 1973 produced a bumper crop of unadulterated musical crap (some of which you’ll read about soon); it also managed to produce such amazing classics as my love, you are the sunshine of my life, crocodile rock, stuck in the middle with you, let’s get it on, and one of my guiltiest of pleasures, will it go round in circles.

but perhaps the creme de la creme de la crap from that year would be this song. even then, as an eight year old, i knew this song was awful; and i recall making up awful words to it. probably not as awful as i do now, of course, thanks to years of maturity. things involving michael, who had a nickel… bag. and cringing at cindy, whose highest aspiration in life is to get married, have a baby or two, and let them visit their grandma.

yes, cindy said, sighing, you kids go visit your grandma. keep her away from her crack pipe, willya?

somehow, holmes parlayed this song into a las vegas career, including a room named for him at one of the hotels.

(no, i am not making this up.)

on the bright side, what went to vegas stayed in vegas and never bothered the rest of us again.

13 Responses  
  • IdeaJump! writes:
    November 12th, 2008 at 8:32 am

    oh good, I’ve been hoping for a good post to leave this comment: “Betcha Bygolly, WOW!” (not THAT is a song title) This Clint Holmes song is just creepy.

  • Scott writes:
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Head. Hit. Keyboard. Make it stop!

  • Mary Lynn writes:
    November 12th, 2008 at 10:50 am

    UGH…it was just mildly awful until the little kid joined in singing and then it became absolutely unbearable.

    My ears…they hurt.

  • mike writes:
    November 12th, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    This song was the fucking bane of my entire childhood. Guess who else’s name was “Michael?” And didn’t like that song any better than my quick-witted classmates or teachers? Ugh.

  • MiddleBro writes:
    November 12th, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    Back in the early 90’s a friend and i were comped tickets in Atlantic City to see the comedian Alan King(who was great btw). Clint Holmes was his opening act. I remember going back and forth with my friend trying to figure out where we heard of this guy before and neither of us could figure it out. Then “poof” he launched into this song and the bell went off. We immediately shrunk down in our seats hoping nobody we knew would see us in the theatre… I still have nightmares…

  • Nancy writes:
    November 13th, 2008 at 7:47 am

    Now I remember this awful song… and it will probably be running through my head all day!

  • Larry Plummer writes:
    November 26th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Wonder how many number one hits you have? Oh that’s right, you don’t have any. By the way, how’s your bank account looking compared to Clint Holme’s? Somebody likes his act because he is fairly rich. I saw his show in Vegas and it’s tremendous–including Playgrounds in My Mind.

  • wrekehavoc writes:
    November 26th, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    thanks for visiting, mister plummer. i’m glad you enjoyed holmes’ act. i’m sure it appeals to some. just not me. and as this is my blog, i’m allowed my opinions.

    thanks for asking about my bank account. it’s not bad, despite the times. always remember: just because one doesn’t dress vegas-style (oxymoron alert) doesn’t mean one can’t afford to do so.

    btw, the possessive of Holmes is Holmes’.

  • Brian Scott Cook writes:
    January 7th, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Even people like you are entitled to your opinions, however off they may be.

  • PCL writes:
    February 22nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Just plain bad, or so bat that it’s good; I can’t decide. I’ll bet they play it on the plane when they run those special “weekend getaways” to Thailand.

  • Kevin Chouinard writes:
    September 9th, 2009 at 9:20 am

    I was 13/14 when that song played. Played by itself, the song was cheesy yet catchy in it’s lyrics and tune (I confess I bought the 45). But, considering that this was played along with Heartbeat, It’s A Lovebeat (Tony DeFranco & The DeFranco Family), One Bad Apple (Donny Osmond), Paper Roses (Marie Osmond) and a children’s choir singing to Sing, Sing A Song (the Carpenters), it was fitting for its time. And, bad song or not, one has to give a lot of credit to Clint Holmes to have the patience and willingness to lay his career on the line singing with an 8 yr old. It worked for him, I guess. I didn’t even know he became a Vegas act. :-))

  • The Otter writes:
    September 28th, 2009 at 3:57 am

    Er, Mr. Holmes has exactly as many #1 hits as I do. None. According to the Billboard chart, that putrid song only got to #2. So if you’re going to try and insult someone, at least check your facts so you don’t come across as an even bigger fool then you already do for paying money to see such a horrifyingly BAD song performed in person!

  • egregious ’80’s: time for requests « writes:
    October 19th, 2009 at 1:29 am

    […] who probably ought to get better hobbies rather than arguing with me over the idea that the song playground in my mind has redeeming qualities start lively discussions. it’s a lot of fun, and i make a lot of new […]

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