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hateful songs: “you’re beautiful” (james blunt)
Jul 17th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

if only he had been plugged in to his music on the subway. this all could have been avoided.

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so one-hit-wonder james blunt saw a beautiful woman on the subway (who, the story goes, was his ex-girlfriend.) she was with another guy. he’ll never see her again. but they shared a moment (at least, he had a moment) which will last as long as lite-rock stations and on-hold music play you’re beautiful incessantly.  depending on whether you hear the clean radio version or the CD version, you get a slightly different experience with this song.

clean version: She could see from my face that I was flying high.

not-so-clean version: She could see from my face that I was fucking high.

now, this totally changes the equation. see, most of us only know the clean version. we just think, oh, here’s this guy, having a slightly-stalkerish moment on the train with a woman he may or may not know. it’s a wonderful moment, and she can see he is doing well in life (flying high.) let’s all assume there is love all around; everyone ends up wistful but happy. so maybe you think that this is all a wonderful Hallmark sort of moment wrapped up in a song that is about as deep as any Hallmark product. and perhaps you’d be right.

but… in the not-so-clean version, he is having this slightly-stalkerish moment… and she can see he is wasted. have you ever been that person who is stared at by someone who is clearly messed up? i have had more than one experience in life where someone who was completely fucked up either frightened me or actually tried to harm me. i have spent time with people who are messed up. most are pretty peaceful. some? not so much. i won’t get into it, but suffice to say, little good can happen when the wrong person is FUBAR’d and glued to you. what’s so fucking romantic about having someone who is messed up staring at you on a train? i fail to find it a lovely, deep experience. for me, all i can think of is where’s my can of mace?

at best, this is the most irritating piece of elevator music material. at worst, it is creepy elevator music. if i am going to have creepy elevator music, i would prefer it to be something from a tim burton movie. at least that way, i can feel like i’m in the movie, too.

for instance: exhibit a:

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you’re welcome.

 


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