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oh, from the mouths of babes…
Feb 27th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

BS tells me that BC was requesting a Beatles song this morning. “you know,” she said, “the one on the CD you played last night, daddy.”

“which one is that, honey,” he asked.

“Lady Banana.”

yep. “Lady Banana, children at your feet, wonders how you manage to make ends meet.” just as paul mccartney intended it.

grammys is not your grandma; its the grammys.
Feb 24th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

i am still watching the grammys, which i have taped on my VCR. thus, i do not have full comments to it. my best pal murph wrote a wonderful e-mail on the topic, and if she allows me, i will post it here. in the meantime, tho, here is my response to her e-mail, for your reading pleasure.

my husband taped the proceedings, and i am slowly, but surely, plowing through. sadly, i missed simon and garfunkel reunited thanks to the fact that BS forgot to start the tape at the beginning of the ceremony; i would have liked the drama of wondering whether artie would poke paul's eyes out. i haven't gotten to the one thing i am looking forward to, the bruce/elvis/dave grohl tribute to joe strummer – i am saving that until my beloved spouse can break away from class to watch it with me.

i imagine it is difficult to manage the sound at an event where you have to go through a billion different set-ups on stage. nevertheless, i am quite appalled at the crappy sound, the terrible mixes, that i witnessed thus far. what i marvel at even more is the fact that some of the PRESENTERS are even miked poorly. granted, robin williams just started his extemporaneous rant sans mike, but still – when handed a mike, he sounded EVEN WORSE. how is that possible? i used to work shows like this, albeit slightly smaller venues, but even so: presenters are not difficult to mike.

i admit i cried during the bee gees' speech. i wasn't merely crying, however, because of the fact that maurice gibb is gone (although that is sad and i will not make fun of it.) i cried because they had NSYNC cover Bee Gees works. now, laugh if you will – and we probably have disagreed over this one for years, you and i, murph – but i just adore old Bee Gees material. “to love somebody” is one of the best pining-away-for-the-fjords song i know. and finally, almost 30 years after the fact, i am willing to admit publicly that the guitar riff in “staying alive” is absolutely incredible. to have NSYNC even go NEAR any of these songs was too much for me to bear. fast forward, please.

faith hill. sadly, i heard that. she was actually terribly, horribly off (i think my baby went berserk when he heard it, as he started kicking my insides as if to say, “mommy, please, PLEASE make that noise stop!!” poor thing, he is now at a stage of development where he can hear things outside the womb. i imagine he is compiling a list of the terrible injuries i provided to him while in utero, and listening to faith hill AND those @#$%#$% opportunistic and annoying dixie chicks will be near the top of the list, i fear.) and if her gold dress had been any shorter, i could be making a very, very off-color joke about her starring in a new james bond flick, a cross between Goldfinger and Octopussy. and, as a nice MOT girl, i will leave that at that.

some random thoughts.
1) if avril lavigne is considered punk, then what would that make black flag? (and who would you rather have on your side in a dark alley?)
2) does erikah badu realize that, in the scheme of musical history, she is less than the speck on the hemmorhoid of the amoeba compared to BB King, who is the friggin horse upon which said amoeba rides? bless his gracious heart. if i had been BB, i think i would have taken lucille and el kabonged ms badu's ass.
3) WARNING: Girly moment ahead. gosh, dave grohl is cuuuute. why the HELL does he have to have that chick, i think her name was jordan, on his arm? and why did he have to tell the world that he wrote the entire album about her? eek. jordan is simply not muse material. meow. Okay: Girly moment over.
4) why, oh WHY do i suspend my belief, year after year, wondering whether the grammys will actually be awarded to those who earned them that year? kinda sorta like charlie brown, running up to that damn football again, only to have lucy pull it.

ahh, bruce. even he sounded off to me. and you know i worship at the altar to bruce, jersey shore girl that i am. i would listen to him, off or on, so i guess you cannot really go by me on that one. i would probably extend that courtesy to very few others, namely sir paul, elvis the c, and pete townshend. hopefully, the tribute to strummer will make it all right. but you know, i looked out at the sea of talent (!) in the audience. i kept thinking, ok, when will peter gabriel play? when will my man elvis the c get a solo shot? why oh WHY do i have to even consider eminem an artist? and why does that one song by vanessa carlton that sounds like the bridge in a bad (is this redundant?) Lifetime movie keep getting nominated?

so many questions. so little pepcid-AC.

omg
Feb 23rd, 2003 by wrekehavoc

i am looking at an Ebay auction where the seller, clearly a grandmother, mentions the name of her granddaughter, the original owner of the clothes being sold.

the child's name? valkyrie grace. what the HELL were her parents thinking?

wagner much? kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit…

self-butt kicking in progress
Feb 19th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

shhh. i am writing. the realization has set in that my time to work on my novel is borrowed, that when a little person enters my life, my time to write will be slim and none. time to kick myself in the ass and finish this pup. and then, get it published.

anyone know anyone in publishing? agents? ever BEEN published? give me a shout ;-)

some things simply defy explanation
Feb 16th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

i took this picture the other day. it's a little blurry, but deal with it. i am not quite sure what BC was thinking when she did this, but BS and i laughed for about 5 minutes straight after seeing this wonderful work of hers.

what are barbie and ken up to?  you tell me.

my funny valentine
Feb 14th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

well, not mine, really. but scally sent this.

not for the timid.

hmm
Feb 14th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

a few years ago, i wrote reviews for AOL Digital City as a freelancer. turns out, someone has lifted my stuff and is using it. do i have any recourse? i am not sure whether i actually own the rights or not.

my “exciting” work, lifted.

"i believe in peace, bitch."
Feb 13th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

there are all sorts of aircraft and military thingies protecting our area today. there is a high-level terror alert going on. yesterday, BC and i went to get more water for our emergency stash, since we haven't updated it in about a year. the supermarkets were cleared out. i suppose in a dire emergency, we could somehow tap the water tank. BC walked into Eckerds and was able to get three bottles. i guess it is all in the timing.

before he left, i reminded BS that BC's safety was his job #1. i could give a shit about his work; this child is waay more important than anything he has to do. he of course knows this, so my saying it isn't a revelation to him. his office is by the stairwell that leads right to her school, he assured me. i know that if anything were to happen, he would be there in a new york second. but i am still so worried. i have to go downtown today, too, for BC's school board meeting. i am not overjoyed by this prospect, but i also know that we have to keep living our lives or else terrorists win. i will drive to union station, pick up some burritos, and, if the weather cooperates, i might walk over to the building. i just don't feel like hopping on the metro today, and Lord knows i need the exercise anyway.

all i keep hearing in my head, over and over, albeit in an out of context way, is tori amos singing: “i believe in peace, bitch. i believe in peace.” so many of us do. pity so many don't. i wonder how they sleep.

warning: nesting in progress
Feb 11th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

i have bitten the proverbial bullet: i am going through all of BC's baby stuff to figure out what will work for our little boy and what will not.

i mentioned to BC and BS that i would be doing this soon, and BC, in her cheeky little voice, piped up, “but mama, won't you need to save the little girl baby stuff for my little sister?”

i don't know whose jaw dropped further – mine or BS's. “honey,” i said, “i don't know that we will have another baby after your little brother.”

she still insists that we should save stuff. clearly, she inherited the worst of BS's and my packrat tendencies.

i have found a shitload of stuff that the little boy will be able to wear. we especially are pretty well stocked on 3-6 month old wear, but we aren't too shabby on 0-3 stuff, either. we can certainly make do. and i don't think i have opened all of the boxes yet. sheesh.

meanwhile, i am also moving BC's toys into her “new” toy room, AKA the sun room, probably the finest real estate in the entire house. this way, i am hoping that she will play more independently while i am not too far away in the kitchen or family room. i have taken every single KIRA doll i have collected (thanks to the efforts of my mother, my mother in law, and myself) and put them up to decorate the top shelf of the room. (the former inhabitants kept their fine pottery collection there. my, things change.) you see, for a year or so, Barbie had a friend (nearly identical, of course) named Kira. so we have the WNBA kira, the butterfly tattoo kira, the kira in the near-princess leia bikini, etc. (how often do you find a barbie with your kid's name?)

they don't make kira dolls anymore, to my knowledge anyway.

the automated dave barry column generator
Feb 11th, 2003 by wrekehavoc

if you need a giggle…

here's “dave”


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