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hateful songs: “angie baby” (helen reddy)
Jul 12th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

this one creeped me out. still does.

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so here’s the deal. you have a young girl with no friends and no life. she lives her life as a shut-in, with only her radio for company. one day, a young man comes to visit. he gets confused by the loud music in her room, so angie turns the volume down and sucks him into the radio, where he remains, her secret lover, for all time.

(yeah. screams hit song to me, too.)

and yet, in 1974/5, it hit number one for australian singer helen reddy in the US — she of i am woman, hear me roar fame.

what a freakin’ letdown for me. i mean, one second, reddy is singing all about empowerment. and then, next thing you know it, some girl who clearly is disturbed but has some sort of magical powers uses them for evil. it’s like a prelude to carrie — misfit girl takes revenge. by the way — doesn’t anyone ever wonder what the hell happened to the boy? where are his parents? where are the authorities? it’s like some freaky show set in charlie brown’s land of no adults.

if this had been made today, i suspect someone would have turned it into a reality show. can you imagine — it would be the intersection of those ghosty shows and hoarders, only this telekinetic chick is hoarding an actual person. considering the stories one hears in the news as of late of people who are kidnapped and missing for years, this song just trips my creep-o-meter that much more.

oh hell. i need a mental palate cleanser. something from that era that is happy and kooky and that always makes me smile.

ah. got it.

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you’re welcome.

 

hateful songs: “what’s up?” 4 non blondes
Jul 11th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

dammit, they never, ever sing the words what’s up. what is up with that?

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there was a period of time in popular music, children, when to seem earnest, you needed to look like your last bath was in the prior decade. you needed to put ordinary, garden-variety items (like goggles) around your stovepipe hat to seem like you were genuinely creative. (this was also the time period where the tramp stamp gained popularity.) throw in some acoustic guitars, flannel shirts, some dreads, and a video set in a living room, and you were set for stardom.

this was the age of grunge.

now, do not misunderstand me. there are works from the era of grunge which i hold dear in my heart. (why, one of my most favorite songs, ever, comes from this musical era.) but 4 non blondes did not produce anything truly meaningful or remotely entertaining at this time. and yet, what’s up became a big hit for the group. i’m thinking that the youth of america (a group for which i sort of still qualified at that time) just liked the refrain:

and i say: HEY! yeah yeaaah, HEY yeah yea
i said hey, what’s going on?

this, sung over and over and over. shower, rinse, repeat.

now. lest you think linda perry, author and singer, is not deep, her lyrics are really, really inspiring.

and so i wake in the morning
and i step outside
and i take a deep breath and I get real high
and i scream from the top of my lungs
what’s going on?

so she basically steps out of her house, hyperventilates, and then screams. if she lived next door to me, that sort of behavior might severely hinder neighborly relations.

poor lady. in the song, she spends a lot of time lying in bed, crying and trying to get something out of her head. she notes she feels peculiar. also, she prays for sanctity and for revolution. considering she spends the entire length of the song wondering what the hell is going on, you wonder from what she wishes to revolt. but she still cries. and she still prays. and she’s still very, very confused.

you know what i wish for her? perhaps some antidepressants.

hateful songs: “eyes without a face” (billy idol)
Jul 10th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

or, as i like to sing it, thighs without a space.

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ah, the freshman 10. you never believe it will happen to you until you head off to college, all bright-eyed and bushy tailed, and you are faced with cafeteria food. the university of miami cafeteria, at least the one near my freshman dorm, was no pleasure palace. sure, it offered some things i never had before (and, thanks to it’s awful treatment of such foods, i will never try again — platanos fritos, i am looking at YOU), but the food was inedible for the most part.

i spent quite a bit of time eating godfather’s pizza (which wasn’t a lot better), the strange chicken patty sandwiches in the breezeway, and the happy hour free eats at a bar across south dixie highway. (nevermind the fact i was not drinking age. i could buy a soda and get a whole meal with it.) not exactly a healthy regimen; and when i came home for winter break, i realized i was not on a good path.

upon my return, i signed up for an aerobics class that happened a couple of nights each week at the UM gym. (i think the football players had their own gym, as i never saw anyone terribly bulky there.) and anyone who remembers the early 1980s remembers a lot of women sporting fluffy hair and stripey duds much like the lady herself, ms. jane fonda, queen of pain.

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my roommate was heavily into jane, so we spent a lot of time attempting this stuff.

anyway, back to the UM gym. my roommate and i spent hours and hours in aerobics class. and, in short, i didn’t really enjoy this particular class, but i didn’t feel like i had any choice but to attend. (the food choices weren’t changing, so something had to give.) i didn’t like the especially joyful woman who taught the class. i didn’t particularly want to feel the burn. what i wanted was to make it through the damn class so i could go out and risk my life crossing grand avenue to visit steve’s ice cream in coconut grove feel a little virtuous, for 5 minutes at least.

so every time i attended, guess which song had the leg lifts i dreaded?

yep. mr. billy idol, reminding me that no one could see the sun through my thunder thighs.

in short: i hate pert ladies who yell Woo! as they bounce and stretch it out.

i hate leg lifts.

and i hate billy idol’s eyes without a space.

any questions?

hateful songs: “in the year 2525” (zager and evans)
Jul 9th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

move over, nostradamus.

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zany nebraskan duo denny zager and rick evans’  in the year 2525 hit number one on the US charts the week of the first manned moon landing. it’s ironic, really, as this song warns of the evils of technology and how it will ultimately doom the human race. (bet they were the life of the party.their next song, a happy-go-lucky ditty which didn’t get far in the US but was a hit in the UK, involved a rapist nailing himself to his prison wall.) i marvel at how young americans thrilled to hear that nasally voice of death as it warned of the evils that would befall us every thousand years, and only apparently in years that ended in 525.

this song always reminded me of a part of the passover seder where we sing about each and every freaking plague that happened before pharoah let moses takes the jews out of egypt. you drop wine on your plate (or, if you are a slob like me, on the edge of your white blouse’s sleeve, never to come out in the wash.) i imagine in this version, though, zager and evans taking a big hit off a giant spleef after each verse.

In the year 4545
Ain’t gonna need your teeth, won’t need your eyes
You won’t find a thing to chew
Nobody’s gonna look at you

zager: hey man, that’s a good one. hey! let’s write a few about G-d. only the G-d lines have to happen in years that end in 10. like, say:

In the year 7510
If G-d’s a-comin’ he ought to make it by then
Maybe he’ll look around himself and say
Guess it’s time for the Judgement day

evans: far out, man. faaar out. don’t bogart that joint.

i’m struggling to envision groovy guys and girls boogying to this song about the end of the world.

a far better choice would come later with this:

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hell, if the end of the world comes, let it come with a bang, not a relentless, whiny whimper.

(and let us all say amen birthday party cheesecake jellybean BOOM! right?)

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you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

hateful songs: “thong song” (sisqo)
Jul 8th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

which is worse: the song or a thong?

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it’s a tough call. hearing someone sing thong tha tha tha thong is awful enough and is grounds alone for getting sisqo laughed off the face of the earth. but let’s break down this ode to underwear.

there is nothing wonderful about wearing a thong, and anyone who tells you they are comfortable has no nerve endings in her nether regions. sure, you end up with no VPL (visible panty lines), but there is a reason why these torture devices are called butt floss. 

there’s something even more disturbing about the song and video. the video starts out with a little girl, presumably sisquo’s daughter, bringing a thong to him and asking him what it is. then, the song starts with this utter objectification of women.  i mean, the sum total of a woman is her ass. so hey, little girl. don’t bother going to school; just work on your posterior and then show it off.

and then, la creme de la creme of this poetry is this gem of a line:

she had dumps like a truck truck truck

wow. we are really talking a completely different type of experience here. yes, it involves an ass, but this is just gross. of course, maybe that’s why she wears a thong. after she’s hitting the clubs, maybe downing some nachos, thongs are her only hope here.

quick toilet access.

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you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

hateful songs: “i touch myself” (divinyls)
Jul 5th, 2013 by wrekehavoc

thanks for sharing.

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when i was young, a friend of mine recounted a family time when he and his family were watching what passed for a racy movie back then: the blue lagoon. they were all gathered around the TV, not realizing it was going to be racy. suddenly, there was a little nudity and… my friend popped up and asked the rest of his clan: hey, anybody want some hot cocoa?

when i think about this song, i surely do.

it’s kind of sad to say this, as divinyls lead singer chrissy amphlett recently passed away after fighting a battle with both breast cancer and multiple sclerosis. i don’t even mind some of the rest of their catalog. but this song? TMI.

it seems like a pleasant enough song, really. you think it will be a nice little love song when it starts. and then, boom! you get this jarring moment. the moment when, if you are driving in a car with kids, you switch the radio r e a l l y fast or else suffer conversations you really don’t want to be having while driving 65 miles an hour on a highway.

seriously — what person in his or her right mind wants their significant other to say, hey honey, when i think about you, i choke my chicken? ew ew EW!  it’s creepier still when the sentiment comes from someone you don’t know — or perhaps  don’t even like.

nope. i’d rather think about a funny parody of this song. sorry, there aren’t subtitles for those of you who have trouble with accents.

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if you want me, i’ll just be in the kitchen, breaking out the swiss miss.

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you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

hateful songs: “g-d bless the usa” (lee greenwood)
Jul 3rd, 2013 by wrekehavoc

oh, the wackadoodles are going to find me now.

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happy july 4th! i love july 4th. it is truly the most american of holidays, as we gather to celebrate our independence. yes, we replace our phillies flag with old glory; and i put on red, white, and blue clothing, which i fortunately have. sometimes, i even get the kids in some patriotic clothing. i love the fireworks and the parades and the people joining together for one brief second as one people. i would even bake one of those yummy-looking strawberry-blueberry cake thingies, though i know jools hates fruit and won’t go near one.

so i’ll just enjoy it for the moment here.

/sugarreverie.

okay. about this lee greenwood song. now, i know a lot of people love it and feel their hearts all warmed by it. and that’s great; and it’s a free country and all that. this is not about you. this is about me.

and i loathe this song.

in fact, there are very few songs that physically make me cringe. this is one of them.

(so is this.)

i’ve tried to think about what it is about the song that i dislike so much. yes, it’s sappy — but so are other songs i actually find charming.

it’s not necessarily that g-d is in the title. i mean, i love to stand up and sing g-d bless america. (admittedly, i often break out in the version i learned as a child, g-d bless my underwear. but still.)

part of what bothers me is how it was written. greenwood has said in interviews that he and his producer sort of calculated the city shout-outs:

I’m from California, and I don’t know anybody from Virginia or New York, so when I wrote it – and my producer and I had talked about it – [we] talked about the four cities I wanted to mention, the four corners of the United States. It could have been Seattle or Miami but we chose New York and L.A., and he suggested Detroit and Houston because they both were economically part of the basis of our economy – Motown and the oil industry, so I just poetically wrote that in the bridge.

first of all: economically part of the basis of our economy? what the WHAT? and so, let’s pander to the (at-the-time) money-making locations in the USA. you’ll get more radio airplay in those markets, which can only boost sales. now, certainly, lots of songs name-check places, but i don’t think they often do it in order to target the economic centers of the country. that’s just weird and disingenuous to me.

so there’s this calculated cheesefest that strikes at your heart.

I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.

son, have you heard of the patriot act?

generally, the people i have met who are into this song often (not always, but often) are the sorts who are all about freedoms. their freedoms. everyone else’s? they can go to hell.  maybe their ancestors had the good luck to come to this country at a time when people melted in. mine weren’t so welcome (hence why my grandmother’s family came in through galveston, texas, even though their entire family was in tenements in NYC. there were too many jews, you see, immigrating (nevermind we were escaping being used as kindling in pogroms in russia poland), so there was an effort to bring immigrant jews in via alternate US ports. we were persona non grata, you know. still the age of no jews, no dogs signs.

now, of course, substitute mexicans for jews.

so yeah. maybe you are here for a generation or two. (or ten.) does that make you more american than people who are striving to be american? i know we can’t support the world; we can barely support ourselves. but the attitude i hear from so many people borders more on the bigoted and less on the factual. (which, i would add, a lot of people don’t truly get. here are some recent ones, for those who want to get info.) policy must be based on facts and not on your scapegoat-oriented ideas.

that would be unamerican.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA

i think i’ve got it. there’s an implication that criticism of the US = you don’t love this land. criticism of the US = you don’t appreciate your freedoms. in fact, those of us who criticize this nation love it just as much as those of you who jingoistically knee-jerk into america is perfect mode.  i’m quite sure, in fact, that there will be readers of this who will call me everything from communist (nope, sorry, not one) to a nation hater (nothing could be further from the truth.) in fact, they will also curse me as… wait for it… a liberal. like that would be a bad thing to be. (it’s not. neither is being conservative. it’s just different points of view.) but this song codifies the polarization of our nation in a few stanzas, a polarization which has led to legislative standstills and all sorts of negativity in the political arena, more than any i, a student of the political process, have witnessed in most of my life. to me, this song is rather insulting.

for if you don’t love g-d bless the usa, then surely it follows that you don’t love the usa, either.

in my view, there are many other, better patriotic songs for this day. i encourage you to seek them out. some are rah-rah-usa works. some are critical. but all encapsulate a vision of this nation as a place that welcomes and celebrates all of its citizens.

some of my humble suggestions from wreke’s jukebox:

this land is your land (woody guthrie)

millworker (james taylor)

american tune (paul simon)

4th of july, asbury park (bruce springsteen) (note: had to put that in for my BS and for one of my beloved SILs)

the house i live in (what is america to me) (frank sinatra)

the house i live in (what is america to me) (patti labelle. i love this song, and while i love the chairman of the board’s version, ms. labelle knocks it out of the park.)

america the beautiful (ray charles)

goodnight, saigon (billy joel)

the stars and stripes forever (john phillip sousa, played by the awesome us marine band)

the star spangled banner (f.s. key, performed by whitney houston)

 

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you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

 

hateful songs: “locked out of heaven” (bruno mars)
Jul 3rd, 2013 by wrekehavoc

your sex takes me to paradise?

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if that weird eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh OOH doesn’t drive you insane through this song, the lyrics will.

singing about sex and getting lucky is nothing new in popular music. hell, in granddad’s era, cole porter and others were clever about it:

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fast forward some decades. i’m the mom who drives through the carpool line, windows open, with this gem on:

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in short, years and years of lyricists have talked about getting laid in clever and amusing ways. meanwhile, bruno mars, who actually is kind of adorbs as the kids might say, is clinical in his assessment: your sex takes me to paradise.

really? why not draw a diagram, too, while you’re at it.

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in short, dude, you have a catchy song, albeit one with an irritating sound effect (what the hell IS that thing that goes eh, anyway?) but you lose me completely when you get all technical with me. it has all the charm and romance of 5th grade family life education class.

bruno, bruno, bruno. let me give you some advice. it might help you write better songs for the ladies. mike damone’s five point plan.

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always remember, bruno. whenever possible, put on side one of led zeppelin IV.

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you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

hateful songs: “some nights” (fun.)
Jul 2nd, 2013 by wrekehavoc

c’mon, sing with me: ceeeeee-lia. you’re breaking my heart. you’re shaking my confidence daiiily.

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lest it be said i am completely behind the times with my ’80s eyeshadow and occasional lapse into mom jean land (hey, high waists are coming back — i saw it in seventeen), i can honestly say that i have been keeping up to date with what passes for popular music, thanks to my teen-in-residence, BC. and i think i can honestly say that the more things change, the more they stay the same. sure, we didn’t have auto-tune when we were young, and it was much more difficult to sample stuff our outright steal something as music didn’t have the technology… but people consciously or subconsciously appropriated others’ songs. if he were still alive, i’m sure my beloved george harrison would have something to say on the topic, and he would not be alone.

so let’s talk exhibit a: some nights by the band fun. (forget not the period at the end. it adds to their aura.) fun. seems to be a likable bunch who has a penchant for releasing singles that all sound tailor-made for fist-pumping, concert anthems. one might be fine per album, but it seems like all of the songs i have heard from this album (i’m sorry, are they still called albums these days?) are supposed to be frought with deep, angsty meaning and bring us all together in the circle of life.

whoa. let me get a sip of my coffee and i’ll get hold of my senses there. was a little overwhelmed with emotion, doncha know.

okay.

anyway, what drives me battiest about this song is the fact that it makes me want to sing this song:

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i hear this song only when the girl has flipped one of my stations over to her top hits stations in the car. so, as it is my car and my party, i burst into song.

jubilaaaaaation. she loves me again. i fall on the floor and i’m laughing.

and this, of course, makes BC want to slam my head into the dashboard. (which, of course, would severely harm our mother-daughter relationship.) while i adore simon and garfunkle (also known in my mother’s malaprop language as funk and gar), this is one of the two songs i would always skip on their greatest hits album years ago. (the other song skipped? do you have to ask?  that could be another entry for another day!)

so see? you are getting two hateful songs for the price of one today. thank you, fun. you are the gift that keeps on giving me headaches.

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you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

hateful songs: “hey there delilah” (plain white t’s)
Jul 1st, 2013 by wrekehavoc

hello, and welcome to someone’s got a wild hair up her butt.

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for a few years, i spent months at a time bemoaning songs i couldn’t stand from particularly decades. i shared my share of bad (and good!) ’70s music. i went through my egregious ’80s phase. and before you go on thinking i am statler and waldorf’s meaner younger sister, you should know that i have spent years sharing my guilty pleasure mondays, with songs you might find incredibly awful but songs which i just love lots.

anyway, in short, i am obsessed with music. i heart a great hook. i admire strong lyrics. and if you have a moving melody, i am yer gal.  a subscription to sirius/xm radio has magnified all of this for me. (it came with my car.) while i have developed some serious addictions to certain stations (little steven’s underground garage, i’m looking at YOU), i do try to wander around to most stations at some point. when BC gets hold of the dial, i end up listening to some stupid top 40 station that plays music that literally makes me want to scream hey you kids, get off my lawn! but she is a teen now, and it is her music, just as my music occasionally drove my parents to distraction. and like my parents, i try to listen to her music occasionally with open ears.

but every now and again, i stumble onto something that makes me want to close my ears for good behavior.  i thought i’d highlight (low light?) some of them over the coming weeks.

because i can.

you are welcome to take issue with my selections in the comments. (some people are still taking issue with what i wrote over 5 years ago about the song wildfire… on my old blog. and wow, who knew those fans would be so nasty!) also, if you have nominees for songs you loathe (and which i’ve not written about already), feel free to share.

i take requests.

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first up: a little ditty from 2005. hey there delilah was a grammy-nominated song for the plain white t’s, a band out of chicago which apparently had two other singles which i have forgotten at this point.  would that i could forget this one.

the whole premise is an old one in rock and roll: the singer singing to the girl (or guy? it’s almost always the ladies who are left behind. so. not. fair.) waiting back home while he’s on the road. there are better examples out there, stemming from the whole i’m a rock star on the road trope;  faithfully (journey) , 2000 miles (the pretenders) and  postcard (the who) come to my mind, though there are others. and so here, frontman tom higgenson pines away for real-life delilah decrescenzo.  he tells her that new york doesn’t shine as brightly as she does, and that the distance is nothing — love will keep them together. oh, and one day, the guitar is going to pay all the bills. (i sincerely hope he didn’t quit his day job.)

hence, he is out on the road, shaking his moneymaker and singing.

now, anyone who knows anything about the history of rock knows that touring is a tough place for the faithful. so whenever i hear these sorts of songs, i shake my head and think, oh, one bored night. that’s what happened to this guy. one bored night + no available women +/- no booze or drugs = song fodder. i’m sure the next night was a luckier evening, if you catch my drift.

something about higgenson’s voice reminds me of the whiney guy you couldn’t shake in college, try as you might. he probably wrote you bad poetry. oh, and he always asked you to pay for the date. something about being short that week.

amusingly, the relationship he describes in the song was all in his head. there was no relationship. it all happened because when he met her, he was trying to be suave. his pickup line had to do with something about a song he had written for her, according to the interview.

thus, hey there delilah is essentially an orchestrated pickup line.

yeah, i know:  i’m supposed to bow before the idea that this work received some grammy nominations. (and no, i haven’t yet received any grammy nominations. i am aware of that.) honestly, though — the grammys tend to honor artists for efforts which are not their best or, for reasons i have never understood, bands that come and go quickly. (evanescence, anyone?) but honestly, it sounds more like the soundtrack to a morning at starbucks, a song people drink coffee to while they achieve consciousness, but by bit.  once you wake up, you forget it other than the mere buzzing in your head that makes you wonder about your meds.

anywho, i think my favorite part of the song involves the part where he tells his imaginary girlfriend delilah not to worry; after all, two years from now, she’ll be done with school. and he’ll be making history like he does. maybe you call this confidence. me? i call this obnoxious, cocky entitlement.

history? i don’t think he made history.

i think he is history.


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