it’s hard to pick just one cher song that sucks.

many of cher’s ’70s hits touch upon the fact that she’s living in some darker world. there’s gypsies, tramps and thieves – she’s a member of the out crowd, involved in sex, gambling, and Dog knows what else, and it’s all because of her parents.  there’s dark lady, where she’s somehow fighting against the forces of supernatural evil (which are handily beaten by a smith and wesson.) half breed tells the sorry tale of a woman caught between the white and the native american worlds.

who am i kidding? all three songs bite. i think i’d rather be tied to a chair and forced to listen to i got you, babe 100 times then listen to most of these, and i can barely stand the sonny bono’s froggy croak. at least sonny’s prince valiant hair and cher’s hippie garb (is she wearing a dog?) could make me laugh at least for the first 10 go-rounds.

don’t get me wrong: i was that little kid who watched the sonny and cher comedy hour religiously each week. i loved their nasty spousal banter. and for reasons i do not understand to this day, i always looked forward to the weekly sketch V A M P: Vamp. but i always loathed when she opened her mouth and sang seriously. it’s probably unfair of me, but i always thought she was a much better comedian (and actress) than she was a singer. (moonstruck is still one of my all-time favorite movies.)

so yep – nothing half-good about any of her hits. throw them in your peace pipe and smoke ’em.