am i the only one who keeps hoping sheena easton gets tied to the tracks?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huNejF17gzg

hello, and welcome to a month of egregious ’80’s music. our first offender? sheenapoo. it wasn’t easy to pick which one of her musical contributions was most offensive; after all, she also sang prince’s sugar walls, an incredibly vile song about a vay-jay-jay.

but morning train bothered me from the very first time i heard it.  when it was released in 1980, i could not see anything redeeming in a bouncy-brite pop tune about a lady who basically waits at home all day long until her man comes home from work. yep, nothing to see here, just a lady who is completely and utterly dependent on her guy for her happiness.

now at 15, i had read plenty of articles in magazines telling me that the worst thing in the world that i could do in my existence would be to basically drop everything for a boy. to hear miss white-bread dizz-ball proclaiming that she spent eight straight hours doing nothing but sit and stay while her master is away was vomit-inducing then (and now.) why, go do something useful in the world, hon. get a job. volunteer. be a human, fer cryin’ out loud.

unbelievably, the song gets worse:

He takes me to a movie
Or to a restaurant, to go
Slow dancing
Anything I want
Only when he’s with me
I catch a light
Only when he gives me
Makes me feel alright

did i shut my eyes and enter the 1950s? can someone please get this chick a copy of the feminine mystique, please!   i feel like i need to sponsor an intervention here! girl, if you only got a job, you could pay for things you want and not have to wait for this dude. you can take yourself to your own damn movie — a chick flick, even — and not have to wait until he deems it ok. even i, at 15, knew that there was something terribly, horribly awful about the message this song was sharing: depend on your man and of course he will always look after you.

until his leggy secretary enters the picture.

girl — you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it — you have bouncin’ and behavin’ 80s hair. derail yourself from this song and move on.