Author: wrekehavoc
oh, and another thing
i am sad. why am i sad?
because in between listening to the plumber blow up my basement bathroom (i just flushed my upstairs toilet and i thought it, too, was going to explode) and writing up the entire kennedy center schedule, i have run out of my favorite decaf vanilla tea.
i love love love this tea. my dear friend katrin, who has since moved back to her native Germany, used to make tea in a teapot for all of us product managers back in the day. it was the one civilized moment i could look forward to in the midst of the insanity that was AOL in 1999-2000. and now, my seemingly never-ending stock is gone.
so please, on behalf of all that is good in the world. please, send me some. decaf.
failure to pay full time and attention
okay, okay. i admit i was watching a movie that really, really deserves undivided attention. and part of the movie i couldn't even follow – some of the actors look alike, some of them have inscrutable UK accents, and during some of it i was, well, er, doing dishes and the like. but still. i don't know whodunit in the movie gosford park – who killed sir william mccordle. and i had to return the DVD to the video shop.
so. if anyone out there can explain what the hell happened (since i have an idea – i am not a total idiot, i swear), please let me know.
oy.
there is a gentleman named joe in my basement who is literally tearing apart the bathroom. we are talking pulling out the antediluvian shower, ripping out the asbestos tile (which everyone has sworn, up and down, that as long as he keeps it in pieces and not dust, that no one will inhale carcinogens), pulling down the hideous plastic tile on the walls. it is making a hallacious racket, and occasionally, i fear that the entire house is going to fall down. of course it won't (right?)
this is the first step toward reclaiming the basement as a living space. for years, it has been a dumping ground/trash pit for all the refuse and crap we have amassed. but no more. i have dreams of a guest room downstairs, as well as a space for BC to play in (and, in her teen years, to be a surly girl and hang out there away from annoying adults.) i figure since the stock market is so crappy these days that the house is as good an investment as can be, so why not make it as livable as possible? i have to pick out a paint color, as i am going to be painting the room as soon as they are done. i have been lured to pick up one of those brochures where they show you how e a s y it is to sponge or rag or distress the walls. hmm. on the one hand, it is a very small space and as good a space as any for experimentation. on the other hand, when it comes to painting, no one will ever mistake me for a pro, though i have learned a lot by watching BS paoint and then taking on painting projects of my own (like BC's bedroom.)
can anyone give their thoughts on whether doing things like sponging or ragging paint is something even a novice like me can do? do tell.
no words.
You are a siren.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox
today i am in business
today i marched over to the county office to apply for a home occupation permit. no, that is not a permit that allows me to live in my home, but rather it is a permit to allow me to operate a business from my home. i now have an official business number, the right to pay taxes on tangible business property (starting 1/2003), and the right to pay business taxes. considering the amount of money i am making doing freelancing, it looks like i will owe no business taxes this year, although i will have to figure out how to put together a schedule of all my business implements of torture. joy. i had to draw a picture of my house and driveway on a piece of paper to show where i can legally park my car – for business purposes. my tax dollars at work.
since i put in too much money at the parking meter (per usual – i always figure that the county will be less efficient than it is. shockingly, nearly every interaction i have ever had with arlington county has been – well, pleasant. it is as if they hire intelligent and helpful people. what a concept.), i walked over to Cosi for a raspberry cafe au lait. i love those things but rarely have them. it reminded me of the time when we had to suddenly vacate our house and move to a furnished apartment for three months during an unexpected glitch in our home remodeling process. on weekends, i would walk BC in her stroller over to this Cosi and get the aforementioned raspberry cafe au lait. she was just a little over a year old at the time. i loved walking with her there – showing her all the places and hearing all the noises that you can hear when you trot around an urban area. i am getting all weepy now thinking about it, as yesterday, we had a party at her school for all the kids who are moving up into the oldest class – the lions. one of the newest little lions is my very own BC. at a little ceremony, she cried her eyes out when her name was called to come and get her little certificate. all she wanted was daddy. she clung to BS like he was going to evaporate. poor little one. later on, her old teacher asked her why she felt like she had to have “all that drama.” that pretty much sums my new little lion. very dramatic. a fuss for every occasion.
i hope it is just a phase.
right now, cindy lauper is singing to me.
i just feel like a cloud waiting to rain. i am wondering whether there is anything on earth that i do well. or maybe even slightly competently. there are days when despair crowds around my head like a scratchy wool sweater being pulled over and then down around my neck. sometimes i feel like a shitty mother, a shitty wife, a shitty daughter, a shitty friend, a shitty citizen, a shitty human.
and sometimes, when i think i am feeling pretty strong, i absorb my friends' or loved ones' problems. the fear and anxiety enters my pores and literally becomes part of me. and it brings me down. there was a time when i actually was okay with my friends being truly fucked up, as listening to their colossally-hideous woes kept me from thinking about my own. that was mostly in high school and college. now that we are grown-ups, most of my friends don't have incredibly screwed-up lives. that part exited their lives along with their 20s. but every now and then, i hear something and i cannot help but internalize it a bit. BS sometimes calls me counselor troy, the empath. i'm that bad.
so i heard this song while i was driving, and, wuss that i am, i started to cry. people on Rte. 66 were looking at me, drivin' and a'cryin'. i'm sure they thought i escaped from st. elizabeth's.
True Colors
Cindy Lauper
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
(When I last saw you laughing)
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
true colors
true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow