deus ex mama
yes, virginia, good things come in threes.
1) i have a hurt child.
2) on the way to get hurt child xrays, BS and i inadvertantly became witnesses to a car accident. both insurance companies have contacted us.
3) our TV just blew. the house reeks of something burnt. i get to run after aforementioned child AND find a TV repair guy tomorrow.
life just doesn’t get better than this.
it is so hard to watch your child feel terrible pain and not be able to do much about it.
on monday, i got a call to come downtown and get BC. apparently, one of her teachers at school was playing a little rough with her, and in the process, really badly hurt her left arm. the details aren’t entirely clear to me, although i get upset when BC tells me that she told him to stop throwing her around – that her arm hurt – and he didn’t believe her at first.
anyway, she has been x-rayed, she saw her pediatricians twice on monday (and yes, for you trivia buffs out there, if you ever wondered, you do have to pay two co-pays if you see the doctors more than once in a day), and today she saw an orthopedic specialist. they seem to have ruled out nursemaid’s elbow, and there is no apparent break. the orthopedist wants her to come back on monday. i am guessing she has had some mighty strain or bruise, though her wrist is not really looking swollen at the moment. of course, i am not a doctor. i am just a mom. a mom with a very desperately unhappy child.
her screams!
you know the sound wolves make when they have that high-pitched yelping? then you know what BC sounds like… getting on and off the couch. getting in and out of bed. getting in and out of a car seat. lifting her hand anywhere near her tummy. basically, any movement of her left arm sends her screaming and howling. you don’t even want to know about when two pediatricians moved her arm around to see whether she had a range of motion in her arm. it was one of the ugliest moments. ever.
basically, we are giving her children’s motrin for the pain. it isn’t cutting it, but it is literally all we can do. she won’t wear a sling to immobilize her arm; frankly, she can’t even lift her arm to put it in the sling, anyway. so instead, she walks around, clutching her bad arm with her good arm. all day. she even has trouble eating because it is a struggle between balancing herself and eating with her good hand.
i know she will feel better at some point. but it kills me that there is so little i can do to make the pain go away. i’m her mom, and that’s my job, you know.
and at the moment, i feel like i am somehow failing miserably at it.
i think it hit me at lunchtime today.
BS walked over with three mother’s day cards this year. if i had been a cartoon character, you would have heard me exclaim, “DOING!” or something equally brilliant. but it hit me, and i said, “three cards, huh?…pause… THREE CARDS!”
one card was from BS. one card was from BC (and she wrote her name all by herself, which is just wonderful 🙂 and one card is from julian. BC helped.
i started to cry when i read the cards. BC looked at me puzzled. “remember, honey, how i told you that sometimes, when grownups are really happy, they cry?”
“yes, mama.”
“well, i am so very happy, and i am crying. i am not sad. trust me, when you are a grownup, you will understand this better.”
“let me go and get you tissues to dry your eyes, mama.” and she ran off to her room and brought back probably the only box of tissues left in the house. and she started dabbing my eyes.
i received three cards this year. three wonderful cards. because there is another person who has helped me to qualify to celebrate today.
and he’s almost here.
just have to share that i have been addicted to the acoustic version of “times like these” by the foo fighters that is an AOL exclusive. and dave grohl is such a hottie. he reminds me of a guy we knew in college and all called “little dave” who worked in the House Crew for all concerts and shows at the stupid center (AKA the student center) who i dated for about 2 minutes. of course, HE wasn’t as much of a hottie.
i don’t care so much for the electric version of the song, but i have got to figure out how to get this song saved on my computer so i can put it on a CD.
argh. i am thinking like a cyber pirate 😉
just returned from a breastfeeding class downtown. i apparently have been given patron saint status from the lactation consultant there, as i pumped for 5 months since BC and i could not do this little allegedly natural arrangement successfully. i am hoping that this class will boost my confidence so that we can just get on with it and get this dude fed without my losing my mind.
it is so cute to see the soon-to-be first time moms in the class. they have just no clue whatsoever what is about to befall them. i am sure i have no clue what will befall me when this little guy enters the picture, but at least i know that. these ladies are still in the “child-rearing-book-reading, eat only good-for-you foods” mode. they think that they have everything under control.
heehee. control. i like that word. next, they will be talking about buying organic veggies and making their own baby food while baby naps in the sling 😉
kum ba yah!
this morning, we trekked to the radiologist to take a gander at julian via sonogram. BC, BS and i had the same technician we had several months ago when we first looked at julian and he looked mostly like an alien. i don’t know if she truly remembered us (it is hard to forget a smile like BC’s 😉 or simply saw on the chart that she had performed the last sonogram, but the technician was just lovely and welcomed us back.
anyway, we saw mr. man in all his glory. his head is down (for now, anyway), his butt regularly is what juts up and hurts me below the ribs, and he is grabbing one foot with one hand in my lower abdomen. his other hand is holding his chin. i imagine he is thinking and tapping his fingers (it certainly feels like he is doing that, anyway.) maybe he’s bored. then again, maybe it is some odd new version of Pilates. anyway, his tummy was full of liquid (which the tech said was good since it means he is drinking) and looked like a big round puff ball. his cheeks are chubby. we saw his scrotum, so evidently, thangs have descended (which is good.) if you could only see how my gallbladder and liver are completely smashed thanks to this dude, you would understand why i often am in pain.
baby space=big. mommy space=miniscule.
for a split second, i saw his face. i started to tear up a little. there is simply nothing like seeing your baby’s face for the first time, even if it is in utero. it kept flashing past because this guy didn’t want to stay still. i kept wishing there was a way i could get him to turn so that i could see it and stare and stare and stare, just as i did when i first saw BC’s beautiful face. selfish mommy that i am.
size-wise, he is within 5 days of his original due date (early June), so stay tuned to see when this dude arrives. (anyone wanna bet when he arrives?) and, at present, he is one ounce shy of 6 pounds. considering they put on nearly a pound a week at this stage of the game, i may be in for about a 9 pounder.
in a word, ouch.
just got back from Giant again, my favorite food store. (actually, fresh fields is my favorite, but they are more expensive.) i am having even more trouble pushing the cart now that i am 36 weeks along. and sure enough, as i left the store, huffing and puffing, there was my “old” friend julian and his smile and stutter.
“mmmmmmmmmmmmmay i help you?”
you know it! i think my days of lifting 200 oz bottles of Tide are over.
anyway, as we walked to the car, i did the unthinkable. “your name is julian. you know, the baby i am having is also going to be named julian.”
“really?”
“yes. i think it is just a wonderful name.”
shy smile.
sometimes, i can’t help myself.
and when my husband gets home, he can take the 200 oz bottle out of the car.
…the tough get pedicures. that’s exactly what i did. and i feel fine.
afterwards, i stopped by starbucks to treat myself to a “why bother” (READ: something without caffeine and without fat) and ended up winning a tall chocolate frappucino. the trivia question was: “what fruit is used to make calvados?” (answer: apples.)
see, it pays to drink.
but seriously, i actually learned that from high school french class. madame donovan (i swear), the wackiest french teacher ever, at some point mentioned calvados. why we ever discussed that as underage chillin, i have no idea. (and no, as a 35-week preggo, i have not been imbibing, so please, don’t call the division of family and youth services.)
see, high school can be useful.
in the funniest news of the week, though:
last night, BS, BC and i went to dinner at one of our favorite, hole-in-the-wall southwestern/mex restaurants. for some unknown reason, they were playing a ton of ’80s hits. it was kinda fun, despite the fact that BS and i were probably the only ones there who remembered the ’80s in quite that way. at one point, they played the j. geils band hit “centerfold” and we started tapping on the table. and the conversation went something like this:
BC: “mama, what is this song about?”
BS and i look at each other and smile guiltily.
BS: “well, honey, it is about a man who is upset because he sees a friend from a long time ago and she has changed. but you know, people change over time, and that’s ok.”
BC: (thinking in her little 4-year-old-way): “how did she change, dada?”
BS and i open our eyes. i decide to answer.
me: “well, honey, his friend looks different now then she did when he knew her long ago. she is wearing different clothes…gee, we can all sing this part of the song — c’mon bunny — ‘na NA na na na na, na na na na na na na na na!”
BS and i look at each other and, i imagine, are psychicly high-fiving each other.
what a save.
well, just came back from the midwife. my OB now has two midwives on staff, so lucky me, i get to meet them both at one point or another in case one of them ends up holding the catcher’s mitt on The Big Day. she is concerned that i am still having shortness of breath, though it is most likely due to the fact that i am, oh, er, i dunno, PREGNANT. so anyway, i get to visit my primary care next week so that we can laugh about it.
also, in about 2 weeks, i get to go for my 36 week sonogram. little flipper right now seems like he is in breech position, which would really, really suck. however, i am not too concerned yet, as he has plenty of time to flip around in there before people start getting nervous. if he still remains breech, i get to go into the hospital and have something called an aversion done. i’ll let our friends at disney explain this one. she asked, how big was your other baby?
i told her, 6 pounds, 9 ounces.
and then, the immortal quote.
“this ain’t no 6 pound baby, lady.”
i can barely contain my joy.