and thousands yawned, i’m sure.

but part two of the salvage-the-doomed-disney-vacation-debacle is a little happier than part one is. mostly.

we decided to go downee oshun hon. (translated for those of you who can’t talk like a baltimoron, we went to ocean city, md.) we had only been to ocean city once before, in a post-baby-birth haze that took us to a giant hotel with an ice skating rink (sans zamboni) inside of it. i don’t remember a lot of it (jools was maybe four months old, so my eyes didn’t exactly yet follow motion at this stage) beyond taking BC on the lumpy ice rink and attempting a beach moment while jools was stashed in a little baby tent. the rest is a blur.

what the hell, we figured. let’s give it another try.

BS put it best: ocean city is like atlantic city before the casinos (and with less poverty and presumably less governmental corruption, i would add.)  the boardwalk is small.  the clientele is not exactly the most upwardly-mobile. the restaurants are overpriced, mostly continental food joints where you have to wait upwards of an hour to get yer damn dinner (and when you get it, like i did one night, you wonder whether the lettuce in your $9.99 salad was vintage 2007.)

still, we had our moments. we played a ton of mini golf. we swam in the indoor/outdoor pool. (jools especially loved the sandy hot tub, which i avoided like the plague.) and, of course, we hit the beach.

ah, the beach.

since most maryland kids are back in school, the beach was not terribly crowded, though there were plenty of new yorkers and new jerseyans, driving like maniacs along coastal highway. all the while, i was scratching my head: there are beaches far closer, and possibly nicer, than ocean city: why the hell are these people driving several hours to come here?

but we had fun. the tides created a massive shelf on the beach, which was a little bizarre and which caused me to slightly injure my formerly operated-on knee. we jumped in the waves. we played in the sand. we got to see the sandcastle jesus (at night, his stigmata lights up, prompting BC to yell his hands are on fire!!!!!) we did all that beachy stuff, plus BS got to chase a little redneck toddler off our blanket when we found him rummaging through our stuff while his mama, his grandma, and a man (who i assume was his baby-daddy) casually watched.

truth be told, we are beach snobs, more used to the more upscale, laid-back, outer banks of duck, nc. when BC suggested we eat at a thai restaurant, BS and i laughed: the most exotic cuisine we could find in ocean city was either mexican or chinese. (this, of course, does not include the zillion and one pizza restaurants, which i suppose counts for italian.) in duck and the surrounding areas, there are caribbean restaurants, there are upscale restaurants, there’s something for everyone with a remotely worldly palate.

not in ocean city, hon.

one night, we went to what we thought might be a fairly nice restaurant. only, too bad for us: most of the people on vacation in ocean city went there, too. we were to wait an hour in the sandy playground area. only, once again, too bad for us: jools became a little too restless and was throwing sand. we left in a huff, which is how we ended up at that $9.99 salad wiltfest.

one thought we had: at least they don’t have brew thrus in ocean city. we couldn’t imagine the mayhem that would cause, considering the classy level of folks we mostly encountered.

ah well. we were away. and we were together. and we were in once piece.

and that’s what matters, hon.

nothin’ is planned on the sea or the sand.

(hell yeah, i’m quoting billy ocean. whatcha gonna do about it?)

so part one of salvage the vacation quest was a bit of a bust. we took a drive to york, pa, stopping in towson, md along the way to hit the rainforest cafe for dinner. (i have finally come to terms with rainforest, if only because this is now the closest one, so i am not constantly hearing pullllease mama, can we go to rainforest??? pullllllease???) it was kids eat for $1.99 night — whee! there was a guy making balloon animals, and in general, it was a nice meal until jools felt like he was going to throw up. oh, the joys of hanging out in a restaurant bathroom, waiting for your son to blow chunks. which, i would note, he never did. he was simply tired. i want to go to sleep, he announced. so off we went. in total, that trip took a harrowing six hours, which includes rush hour in both washington AND baltimore plus one hour at dinner.

full day one we drove to hersheypark (losing I-83 temporarily somewhere around harrisburg, but getting back on track eventually.) i love hersheypark. it’s everything six flags is not: clean, friendly, full of helpful employees. there’s even a kosher restaurant there. i’m not kosher, but it was a revelation to me that someone would actually put something like that there. it also probably accounted for the several busloads of orthodox members of my tribe who were there on the sweltering day, girls dressed in long denim skirts and long sleeved shirts.

oh, and there’s chocolate. so it isn’t fancy chocolate — i was raised on hershey’s milk chocolate, and to me, it tastes like my childhood. we hit chocolate world twice, as they were giving out new hershey bliss bars as you exited. of course, when you ride something like that with a smartass like me, well, the bliss is all mine. first, we read about how childless milton hershey started a school for orphan boys, a noble pursuit which still runs today, though i believe it is for girls, too, now. but i looked at BS and said, how nice, he opened a school for boys. but what about the girls? what were they going to do in life? then, of course, you learn about the chocolate. and here i go, spoiling all the fun: i bet it isn’t free trade chocolate, is it? so is hershey doing anything to not exploit people in developing nations?

yeah, i’m fun like that.

anyway, the park was pretty crowded and it was pretty hot. we did get on some rides, most notably jools’ first time on a real roller coaster (both the comet and the sidewinder), so we did have fun. but it was impossible again to hit the waterpark, and, as i said before, the lines were a bit insane. and by the time we got to eat dinner, it was after 8pm, BS’s brand new cell phone’s touch screen was shattered by his time on the comet rollercoaster, and people were pretty exhausted. we drove back to york in the dark on fumes, a tired, cranky crew.

day two. dutch wonderland. DW is a lot of fun for kids under the age of about 7. it, too, is pretty clean and friendly, just like hershey. it also has a kosher restaurant, just like hershey. (in fact, BC asked whether there was a corporate relationship between the two parks. she’s smart like that.) it was also pretty crowded and pretty hot. BS, being exhausted from the previous day and pretty stressed from the fact that we almost got killed on I-83 that morning while merging (no exaggeration this time, i’m afraid), basically became ill. he sat out in the car for a little while, while the kids and i explored the park some more. unfortunately for me, the only place without a long line for lunch was…the kosher mart. but too bad for me: i was wearing my mini purse, which i pack with only the barest of necessities, especially since BS has other stuff in his wallet. only, too bad for me: BS was in the car, trying to revive his stomach. all i had was $20 in my pocket and an Amex. they don’t take Amex, and $20 didn’t cover lunch. little by little, i was telling the very , very sweet person at the kosher mart to remove this item or that item until i hit $17.

then i sat my kids down at the bird-poop-covered table to eat. and i cried. i was tired, i was hungry, i had a sore throat, and i really just wanted to leave.

eventually, BS returned to the park, and the kids and we went on a few gentle rides before leaving. we were going to dinner at the house of my best friend from grad school, Kip, when we hit first a major accident on Route 30 (read: the only road between here and there), then a lane closure. by the time we were near our hotel, BS told me to drop him off and i could take the kids to Kip’s. which i did. he was really looking green around the gills, so i knew better than to press my luck.

we had a great time at Kip’s — this was probably way more my speed for the day — eating dinner and letting the kids run around in their massive yard. she had found a DVD game of Family Feud at a yard sale for $1, which we played twice. (Kip, btw, is a master of finding finds at yard sales, etc.) and we returned at 10 pm, only to find that the electronic lock on our room had been changed. fortunately, BS woke up and let us in.

there’s so much more fun to report, like our miserable ride back yesterday (which included an entire bottle of nestle quik spilled all over the inside of the car), but i’ll spare you. suffice to say that by the time we got home, we had shell-shocked kids, a mom on the brink of tears, and a dad on the brink of reenacting a scene from the Exorcist.

i know today’s going to be better.