Category: FAMILY

endeavoring to believe

endeavoring to believe

we were eating at a restaurant/bar tonight when we saw that the space shuttle endeavor was going to launch at 6:36 p.m. we rushed home so that we could all watch it together. i was very nervous about this. i remember one afternoon in 1986 when my dorm-mates and i had our soap operas interrupted because of a space shuttle launching. and before our eyes, we watched the shuttle explode into a billion fiery pieces. we were all stunned. it was live. on TV.

nothing had ever happened like this to our generation before. previous generations had the question: where were you when Kennedy was shot? and now my generation had: where were you when the Challenger blew up?

college being college, i remember the fresh wave of sick jokes that followed. the only one i recall:

Q: where does christa mcaulife vacation?

A: all over florida.

(i know. no one deserves that.)

i was very nervous about having the kids watch the shuttle launch. nevermind how many successful space launches there have been in my lifetime; i was fixated on the one i saw that didn’t make it. of course, the newscaster was fixated on the teacher in space, who has been waiting patiently for over 20 years for this chance. it made me tear up.

“mama,” BC said, noticing me on the verge of tears, “don’t worry. they’re showing this on TV. they wouldn’t film it if something bad was going to happen.”

if only.

i’m delighted to report, though, that the shuttle launched without a hitch. my kids got to watch a little piece of history.

and somewhere inside of me, a tiny shred of sanity and wonder was restored.

the wonder pets

the wonder pets

my 4 year old suddenly has discovered the wonder pets. a year late, of course, but we’re a little slow to watch much on Nick. i hate the fact that they show commercials to the preschool set. hate hate HATE it.

linny, tuck, and ming-ming, too. they’re wonder pets and they eat poo.

no, not really. i’m just losing it watching these things which BS is now TIVOing for hellboy’s watching pleasure. thanks to my friend TIVO we can cruise right over those age-appropriate ads on Nick Jr for things like hair replacement, which all preschoolers seriously need.  i suppose the wonder pets aren’t as bad as watching barney (and i remember the vile jurassic entity in his heyday), which made me actually ill. we tried to banish barney from our home when BC was small, but as every friend of hers watched it at daycare, it was impossible. we embraced him, getting some used home videos and a few toys.

the phase passed. thousands rejoiced.

so as a mom, i’ve learned you cannot banish things unless you want them to grow larger than life. i will learn to embrace the wonder pets. i will become one with the wonder pets. i will… i will stop singing every blessed word that emanates from my mouth in a style like the wonder pets do. like: ju-lian. come eat your BREAK-fast!

i can’t stop SING-ing.  this is see-weee-us! 

the worst was when i tried to sing along with one part. only, too bad for me, cos i got the words wrong:

we’re not too big and we’re not too smart. but when we work together we’ve got the right STUFF!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WONDER PETS!

wait a second. we’re not too smart? that can’t be right. i must be hallucinating.

speaking of hallucinations, am i the only one who is wondering whether college kids get together, get stoned, and watch the wonder pets? it SCREAMS drinking game, just like love boat did when i was, er, when i was watching it in re-runs.  many. years. ago.

anyway, maybe i can use the wonder pets to encourage certain younger family members to help out around the house. i can grab my trusty broom, hand it to the younger hellboy, grab the dustpan, and sing at the top of my happy lungs:

what’s gonna work? TEAMWORK!

wonder pets. it’s a tv show, a chore-helper AND a drinking game.  not that i would ever encourage the latter, of course.

unless anyone wants to come over my house sometime with some mojitos.

silver wendy and dona

silver wendy and dona

silver wendy is a friend of my friend jaxx and, over time, a friend of mine, too, albeit mostly virtually. she set up this website to raise awareness of her dear friend dona, who is battling cancer. it always knocks me to my core whenever i hear about a mom who is doing everything to stay around. dona says it best:

I will dance at my sons’ weddings.

any support you might provide or links to her page are graciously appreciated.

back in radio frequency again

back in radio frequency again

apologies to those who wondered whether i took IVIG treatments and then went off to die somewhere. you know the quote about my demise being a bit premature.

in truth, i was off in NJ. (i realize that for some of you, that might be the same as going off and dying.) for me, a dyed-in-the-wool jersey girl, going to NJ means going home, even if i haven’t actually lived there since 1989. (in fact, in four years, i will have lived here the same amount of time as i lived in NJ. but you’ll never, ever see me calling myself a virginian. nevah. not that there’s anything wrong with it, of course.)

it’s going to a place where people drink cawfee, get decent pizza, and even sometimes go down the shore. since BS abandoned me (okay, okay, take away the divorce papers, BS! — he didn’t really abandon me, he went to see his folks and then go to a poker tournament in AC, followed by a 10 hour train ordeal (he was on a train behind this one) that made him never want to travel trains again in this life or any other), my dear friend from college and the kids and i hung out on saturday and then drove up through a monsoon (and no, i am not making that up) on sunday to get to my folks’ house. (exit 8, for those of you who mind that stuff.)

we had a great visit on monday at my brother the doctor‘s (BTD) house, where we saw my aunt, my cousin steph and her family, and steph’s mom and dad. (and don’t forget my middle brother, who probably should be knighted one day.) steph and i went to college together, so it was pretty funny that we are cousins who turned out to be friends (a concept that still stymies BC a little.) BC ended up getting along really wonderfully with steph’s oldest daughter, who is a year younger than she.

BC also got nipped by my BTD’s psychotic little rat dog (a dog, i would add, that hates my BTD) when she tried to step over him to get out of his way. on the bright side, if you’re going to get bitten by a dog, follow BC’s three solid steps:

1) know the dog that bites you really, really well — well enough to know it isn’t rabid. [check.]

2) get bitten in a house where a doctor is present. [check.]

and finally,

3) get bitten in a house where a veterinarian is present. (AKA steph’s husband.) [check.]

my BTD cleaned and dressed the wound once BC was done swimming; he felt that the pool was going to clean the thing pretty effectively. and steph’s husband pronounced sparky (that would be the aforementioned psychotic little rat dog, and i do say that with affection) to have “a dominance problem.” and so it went.

on tuesday, my aunt and middle brother helped me take the two kids to liberty science center. i started to cry as we approached jersey city on the turnpike — after all, it was the first time i had seen the NYC skyline up close since 1997. i knew exactly what was missing, and i felt that pain right in my gut. but i’m a mom, and i have to buck up unless i want to start answering pesky questions like: “mama, why would anyone want to fly a plane into a building? will someone fly a plane i’m on into a building?” and so on. so i did.

i’d never been to the center, which recently reopened after a renovation. some of the exhibits weren’t finished, so we all got a break on admission costs; however, too bad for us, as about 4,000 (no exaggeration) kids from the five boroughs were visiting on “camp day.” billions of kids from harlem, brownsville, and the like were enjoying the day. i have no problem with kids from any camps visiting; i just wish the influx hadn’t been on the day we were there. but they were. you had to see BC walking down the steps, asking politely kids to please excuse her so that she could pass, only to be ignored a few times. finally, she stuck out her elbow and moved people out of the way. there’s a part of you as a parent that feels horror at such moments (especially since they were kids from a tough place and could have easily beat the crap out of her suburban ass), and yet also a little piece of you that feels proud that your kid is a toughie. but you hide that latter bit because you know it’s not socially acceptable to have your tiny little kid pushing her way through a crowd. [note to self: BC has a career in being an advance person or security for a band.]

btw, liberty science center has a great little room for the 2-6 year old set, where they have hands-on stuff for them to do. but while their exhibits are pretty neat, i found that a lot of them required a lot of reading. without a tour guide or a docent, it is a tough place for a kid to sustain interest unless you have one really super-excited parent. which i was not. once again, a big shout out to my aunt and my hopefully-one-day-beknighted middle brother (who took the day off for this experience, awesome uncle that he is.)

note to liberty science center folks, if you’re out there: if you plan on having thousands of children from camps there, consider closing the center to the public for that day. i have to tell you, i don’t think i’ll be back again if i think the place is going to be overrun. i’m a parent, and i understand that children have field trips. but perhaps you can manage how many classes/camps come at one time so that the other folks who are there don’t feel overrun and overwhelmed. lunchtime was absolutely unreal in your cafe.

we had fun visiting my inlaws and nieces the next day, and we had a little outlet shopping action with grandma the next. we reintroduced grandpa to pad thai and drove grandma crazy (but in a good way, i think.) and i caught BC’s cold. my aforementioned brother (did i mention he ought to be knighted?) took friday and drove us in my car down to the train station at BWI so that i didn’t have to drive most of the way since i felt so awful. (then he took the train back. what a guy.)

so we’re back. i’m sick as a dog. the house is a disaster. but we’re home.

yay, us.

reporting in

reporting in

i had an IVIG treatment yesterday, and i survived it 🙂 i was wicked tired afterwards — still am — but i didn’t seem to go through any sort of convulsions this time. i have a headache, but otherwise, i’m pretty damn good. i guess these things get better over time. now, if only the nurse could find a place for the IV on the first shot, it would be super.

finally, i received a copy of my trough levels — meaning the levels of IgG and IgA in my blood just before a treatment. not surprisingly, they’re low. in the inimitable words of my brother the doctor, “if they weren’t low, you wouldn’t need the treatment.” well, duh 😉 they broke down my IgG into 4 different types, which my brother also noted was a useless waste of test money, as i can’t control precisely what sort of IgG ends up in my gammagard soup anyway. all that’s important is knowing whether i’m low in total. which i am. sadly.

BS gave me a good perspective yesterday, one i needed to hear. he took me to wegmans after my treatment, and we sat and had the closest thing to a lunch date that we’ve had in years. i started to whine about what they might discover in the blood supply in 20 years. i mean, look what happened to those poor hemopheliacs before they figured out the whole HIV thang. and BS looked me in the eye and said one of the smartest things he’s said in a while: “you take this stuff so you can be AROUND in 20 years. without it, there’s a chance you won’t be. so don’t worry about what they’re going to discover then.” the point, you see, is to make it there 🙂

and i intend to.

stewing in my own gazpacho

stewing in my own gazpacho

it’s been a fabulous week.

1st, a young woman ran her scooter into the back of our car. i’m glad she was absolutely fine. BS offered to take her to the fire station up the block so she could get medical attention, but she said she was fine. (and she seemed ok from where i sat.) thank goodness everyone was ok. but now, we have the joy of getting the bumper and back of our car fixed.

2nd, we noticed some water around our A/C. the A/C man came, told me we were freezing up and losing freon. and this was probably due to the fact that the A/C was from 1984. so we’re also looking at a chunk of change to replace the A/C.

3rd, i have an IVIG  treatment tomorrow. the nurses are very nice, but i hope the one who finds my veins is the poker tomorrow so i don’t end up with an arm that makes me look like keith richard’s evil twin, circa 1969. oh, and it would be nice if i could ascertain whether these are working.

in short, i’m a little cranky. if you couldn’t tell, of course.

ladies of the canyon

ladies of the canyon

as i sit here, baking cookies (i believe the cookbook calls them ranger crispies) for our little playdate tomorrow, i was thinking about part of a song i love called — you guessed it — ladies of the canyon (from the album of the same name by the brilliant joni mitchell, a singer songwriter whom i adore and who never fails to make BS leave the room, as he thinks her singing sounds like the cry of the wounded wildebeest.)

i’m wondering if the ladies are still alive and well and living their earthmother existences. there’s trina, the artist, sewing lace on widows weeds/and filigree on leaf and vine (i’ll take the category evocative in only 11 words, alex); estrella, the songwriter who is probably stevie nicks’ older sister; and my favorite, annie the homemaking baking machine:

Annie sits you down to eat
She always makes you welcome in
Cats and babies round her feet
And all are fat and none are thin
None are thin and all are fat
She may bake some brownies today
Saying, you are welcome back
She is another canyon lady

are they all people from mitchell’s past? are they all facets of joni? i remember once reading a historical work about of laurel canyon and yet i can’t remember whether my questions were answered.

what a freaky neighborhood. i’d fit right in. well, that is, if there’s room for a poker-playing mom.

[today, i am thinking about some of the women of rock — the women subjects of some of my favorite songs. no reason. it isn’t women of rock day or anything like that. just felt like it. i’ll attempt to write about these ladies in the next few days, and i’m also interested in any suggestions you’ve got.]

yes, anastasia

yes, anastasia

“We’ll see how brave you are
We’ll see how fast you’ll be running
We’ll see how brave you are
Yes, Anastasia.”
Tori Amos

i sometimes think about bravery. i think about bravery every day, actually. i think about whether i will be brave over the next year, decade, life. especially on mornings like this, when i start feeling that liquid in my lungs. i’ve been healthy for four weeks. and BOOM! it starts up again. maybe i need more frequent treatments. i think about bravery when i think about people who’ve battled cancer. and won, like my mother. and lost, like my friend syrentha. and i think about whether i’ll be brave when things start happening to people i love. i can’t bear those moments.

but enough about boring old me and my neurotic wonderland. let’s talk about one of my real heroes. every single solitary week, BC attends a different camp filled with different children and different activities and a different schedule. Most of the time, she manages to find one child who seems to be in the same boat, and the two girls become fast friends for the week. this morning, BC was slated for a camp out near tysons. at first, she was happy because she saw a little girl she had met in a different camp three weeks ago. but this little girl is 9. it became painfully clear that the kids were being segregated by age. bc is more than halfway to nine, but on paper, that still reads as 8. and most of the kids in the 8 year old group were…boys.

i think dante overlooked the circle of hell known as the haven for 8 year old boys. rambunctious, pre-hormonal, rough, crude. and it only gets more, er, spirited, until they’re 40 (maybe.)

anyway, BC, realizing she was not going to find any kindred spirits amidst this set, did what she is wont to do when faced with an impossibility: she tilted her puppy dog hat down so the visor hid her face against my chest, and she cried. and cried. quietly. i put my arms around her and tried to think fast. is this one of those parental situations where you’re supposed to tell your child to buck up and try to find something good? or do i jump in, deus ex mama, and lift her out of the situation into safety?

as i stood there, debating, the question’s answer materialized. my friend diane showed up with her daughter emma. what a wonderful surprise! now emma is 9, but the girls have sort of known each other ever since i met emma’s dad on an employee message board nearly 8 years ago. (it sounds sordid, but i was looking for other employees with girls the same age in an attempt to start up a playdate. we’ve all been friends ever since 🙂 and, just at that moment, the director walked over to see what was wrong with BC. “well,” i said, “she’d really like to be in a group with her friend, but her friend is 9. can she join the 9 year olds?” and that was that. while girlfriend didn’t skip away to camp happily, BC had emma’s arm around her, so hopefully, that helped.

[a big shout out to you, emma. you’re one of my big heroes today. along with BC, who is definitely one of my heroes every single solitary day. you’re one tough chick, bunnygirl.]

i hope i’ll be brave enough to survive parenthood.

my brave friend

my brave friend

our little friend mason is still battling his brain cancer. after some not-so-great news, he is now undergoing experimental treatments. his parents have exhausted their leave and everything imaginable, so with that in mind, some terrific people from our school have formed the Celebration of Life Fund. monies donated will allow mason’s mom and dad to spend more time with mason and not worry about bills so much at this time. it isn’t tax-deductible, so think of it as a good deed.

if you can, please donate. here’s how.

and thank you for your random act of kindness.

Theme: Overlay by Kaira Extra Text
Cape Town, South Africa