FAMILY – Page 51 – Wrekehavoc.com

Category: FAMILY

death and friends

Posted on May 10, 2004 by wrekehavoc

well, you can’t exactly start humming uplifting tunes with a subject like that, can you.

two colleagues of mine lost fathers/stepfathers this week, one last night. one is a colleague who i really particularly have grown fond of over the past few months. i feel pretty terrible for him – his dad was very ill for a long time, and the measures taken to help him only made things worse due to inept caregivers. while i imagine my colleague is relieved on some level to not have to handle the stress of really poor care for his dad, i am quite sure there is a bit of grieving going on. as i have only known this person for about 6 months, i wouldn’t dream of imposing myself into the situation. i want to be respectful. i want to be thoughtful. i just wish there was something i could do. death makes us all realize how futile our efforts can be at times. our efforts to comfort can never truly match the efforts of time.

it makes me realize on a certain level, though, how fortunate i have been to once again find a group of people who i get to spend each day arguing with, laughing with, and really enjoying. i even have a great team who amaze me most days with their sense of humor, their terrific work, and just their plain kindness. (not to mention their tolerance for my off sense of humor. at least i don’t get the david brent award. yet.) i have been lucky, over the years, to mostly find funny, warm, and intelligent people in my immediate work circles. sure, there are those who i didn’t click with – that is just inevitable. you can’t like everyone, and not everyone will like you. once you get over that, it’s all gravy. i mean, shoot, i am actually still friends with most of my former supervisors! and not because i kiss up, either. i have never been very good at that, and i frankly don’t need to do that, even if i could. it isn’t my style, which probably is why there are a few folks out there who are not terribly fond of me. oh well.

anyway, i am even boring myself at this point. i guess i am feeling a bit somber. i guess death isn’t something i really enjoy talking about. maybe woody allen can make a career out of it. but i don’t think i can. not today, anyway.

natural childbirth?

Posted on April 9, 2004 by wrekehavoc

just inspired by a discussion about artificial milk (READ: formula) and how some terms people use are sometimes not as sensitive as they might be… i just posted this to dcurbanmoms, and i will likely get skewered for it in the morning… here we go…

———
this discussion reminds me a little of another term i so enjoy hearing bandied about: “natural childbirth.”

as opposed to what – unnatural childbirth?

i know historically, there was a time when mothers were completely anesthetized before childbirth. i know, also, because by the time my mom had me, baby #3, her OB didn’t believe her when she told him that she was in labor. by the time anyone dealt with her, she had no drugs — nothing — and had me – something she hadn’t expected as a mom in the 1960s. in a word, as she put it, “ouch.” (and boy, was she mad when the OB, who was too busy on the golf course apparently, billed her for delivery services when she knew full well that he wasn’ t there — only the nuns and the nurses, LOL!) i know we have come a long way (baby), and how wonderful that people have so many options – and also more medical safeguards for the baby’s and mother’s life, should they be necessary. bully for the women (and men) who helped us evolve to this point.

but natural?

ok, i opted for an epidural. for me, i was able to be more focused with this medical intervention. but i still sweated like a longshoreman and huffed and puffed and worked pretty freaking hard to have my children. i would call it unnatural if, perhaps, someone decided to try and extract my babies through, i dunno, my nostrils (which, if that was biologically possible and the only way they could do it to keep them alive and healthy, you know i would have given it my best shot, unnatural or not.)

gosh, i sure wish advocates would call it something like “drug-free” instead of “natural” childbirth. everyone who experiences childbirth experiences a natural experience, no matter how many drugs or interventions, imho. after having my first child, i know i *really* didn’t appreciate it when someone close to me tried to put me down because i had an epidural (gasp!) while she not only had multiple drug-free births, but also remained a size 3. she acted as if she was the winner of the ironman baby birthing competition. all i could think was: 1) how wonderful that you had the choice to have those healthy, drug-free births – but hell, my goal was to have a healthy baby and make it through myself – by any means necessary; and 2) how i hate you for being a size 3 😉 (just joking on the latter point, btw. some of my dearest friends are size 3s, so please, don’t jump on me for this one.)

anyway, just a thought. a rambly one, but a thought nonetheless. here’s to natural childbirth – drug-free; with drugs; C-sections; VBACs; and everything else that i am too tired to list. we all want healthy babies and we all want to live through the experience as well. by any means necessary, i say.

ask a silly question…

Posted on March 3, 2004 by wrekehavoc

BC: momma, where do you park a love car?

Me: (not knowing where this is leading or what a love car is, but realizing we just read the book “Wig,” a very silly children’s book that is an illustrated book set to the B-52s song): i don’t know, honey. where do you park a love car?

BC (spoken like barry white) : in the loooooooooove parking lot, mama!

i don’t know what that means, but i nearly fell off BC’s bed when she said that.

in other news, BS is sick. basically, we got home, he went upstairs, and that is pretty much all i’ve seen of him. i am currently living a glamorous life. i am cleaning poopy baby clothing (someone had a blowout this morning that covered him, literally from head to toe, in poop — and apparently, he had another one at school. joy.) i am doing dishes. i am ordering water filters for our system – apparently, we have lead in our water system, just like DC. i meant to do this a month ago, but today’s washington post was definitely a kick in the pants.

wanted: one nanny to take kids until they are 40

Posted on February 12, 2004 by wrekehavoc

you know, every now and then, i marvel at the ads in dcurbanmoms… but i gotta ask – do these people ever spend ANY time with their kids? they want someone to do homework with them, feed them, clean up after them – hell – what do these kids need parents for besides spawning them? i wonder how they even know about their kids’ hobbies? maybe their last nanny wrote up report cards 😉

i particularly enjoyed this part:

— Personal Care, bathing, laundry, cleaning up in their wake. This is an area that instills a sense of personal responsibility and we believe teaching these habits early and often will benefit them in the long-run.

now, pray tell, who do they want to develop personal responsibility – the kids or the nanny? and if the nanny is supposed to be teaching the kids about personal responsibility – gee, i wonder if the parents feel any toward their kids?

If you’re looking for a new and challenging chapter or know someone who is, we think we may have the opportunity of a lifetime. We live in the beautiful Northern Virginia countryside — a short drive to the urban sophistication of Washington, DC.

Our daughter is almost eight. She is studious and extremely precious to us. She enjoys arts & crafts and reading. She is becoming a young lady and it’s important to us she’s surrounded by good role models, develops sounds judgment and enjoys a healthy/happy lifestyle.

Our son eldest son is almost four. He’s loving, gentile & extremely low-key. He enjoys playing outside and stays out of trouble. When he finds an activity he enjoys, he will stick with it, bike riding, skiing or playing with his cars.

Our youngest son is 2 1/2 and he’s the energetic one. Though incredibly independent for his age, he loves to be loved, part of his charm. He’s as curious as they come & quite active. He loves our well-trained lab and plays with him and everything in sight.

The position requires someone with good problem solving skills, initiative and someone capable of being a take charge individual. Of course the children are the primary charge; however, we do look for someone to be a partner with us in “running the house.” Our biggest ask is that you take a keen interest in the children’s development and well-being and appreciate the selfless nature of the job; it is the children who matter most.

A look at the typical week:
Monday through Friday, with hours of approx. 50 per week. The typical day is from 830AM to 7PM. Since we both work and travel, we may need the occasional overnight or extended hours due to flight schedules, however on these overnight occasions, we will have a separate compensation agreement.

Your responsibilities will include:
— All things related to the children
— Meals
— Grocery shopping will be your responsibility.
— Personal Care, bathing, laundry, cleaning up in their wake. This is an area that instills a sense of personal responsibility and we believe teaching these habits early and often will benefit them in the long-run.
— Homework, it is important this is treated seriously and completed with care and accuracy. We ask that you assist, correct and review all homework assignments. We also review and discuss homework.
— Activities, we live in an area that is close to several great community programs, parks and lots of classes offered for child enrichment, play dates are also an important part of their activity.
— As a general rule of thumb it is always best to do something, than nothing.

We look forward to finding the very best match for our children and home. Please responded via email to [deleted to protect the idiotic] To set up time for us to discuss further.

Thank you for your interest and we look forward to getting to know you.

yes, as a matter of fact, i want a medal

Posted on February 8, 2004 by wrekehavoc

caution: bitter woman alert

last tuesday night/wednesday a.m., my baby jools went to the ER and was diagnosed with RSV. BS took him because i spent the evening throwing up, thanks to the stomach flu.

wed night/thurs am, BC as BS started throwing up at 11pm thanks to the stomach flu. jools threw up his antibiotic at midnight. i spent a few hours running between BC, who couldn’t stop barfing, and jools, who couldn’t breathe well despite two neb treatments and who was having a fever. at one point, i was trying to hold down the mask on jools’ face while holding a bucket under BC. it was surreal. at 4, i took jools to the ER for dehydration and trouble breathing again. his temp was 105.2F.

thurs nite, jools was admitted to the hospital for RSV treatment. i spent thurs night there; BS spent fri nite there as i had literally had 4 hours of sleep in the prior, er, i don’t know, 72 hours maybe? jools luckily got out of the hospital late sat nite. (the baby with whom we shared a room last night was in there for 3 weeks; i think we’ll fare much better.) what i will do once jools is out of the hospital, i don’t know, as if he is in a weakened state, he can’t go to daycare. i guess i have to figure this one out, too. in the meantime, hopefully, jools will get some rest.

what really struck me after this episode is how very alone we are down here. there is no one to help us in this sort of situation – just BS and me. and if BS is out of commission, like the other night, it is all down to me. there’s no one to buy food or make dinner/lunch/etc, no one to watch a kid, no one to let us nap. and now that we may be facing a few weeks at home, we have no choice but to beg our respective supervisors to let us work partial weeks to help each other out.

welcome to parenthood, indeed.

save us from breastfeeding nazis. please.

Posted on January 28, 2004 by wrekehavoc

i belong to a list, dcurbanmoms, and i really, really enjoy the list. but every now and then, a mom posts something that makes me cringe. or cry. so today, i wrote in response to a posting, and i just wanted to put it here.

i know the poster has the best of intentions, and i know that the comments are to be provided to the folks listed in the original posting, but i had to respond to this press release. this is like a flame war waiting to happen, imho. i think most women, at least on this list, would agree that breastfeeding is best. i also think that there are many women who cannot breastfeed or for whom breastfeeding is a serious struggle. from this phrase:
The Campaign WILL encourage exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months and the risks of NOT breastfeeding remain an integral focus.

this campaign is likely to alienate many, many women who would otherwise support such a campaign. i mean, please, tell me yet another reason why i am a bad mother because i was not able to breast feed my daughter until she was 6 months old – or better yet, tell me what horrible things will befall her because she was not breastfed until she was 6 months old.

i realize that the formula companies certainly have done many nasty things in the past to encourage mothers to ignore breastfeeding and use formula. but now, at least in more educated communities, most mothers give breastfeeding a serious try. i would be happy to see campaigns that encourage, not guilt, women into breastfeeding. i certainly hope, and trust, this one does the former and not the latter, and this is merely a poorly-worded press release.

ok, the rant stops here 🙂

it’s all because of this posting, which pissed me off today
BABIES WERE BORN TO BE BREASTFED!!

Washington, DC: On Thursday, January 22, 2004 at 1:30 pm the Leadership
Team of the US Breastfeeding Committee met with Assistant Secretary Kevin
Keane of the Department of Health and Human Services to hear the decision of
DHHS in regards to the delayed National Breastfeeding Campaign sponsored by
DHS and the Ad Council. The Campaign was placed on a temporary hold awaiting
a decision based upon “concerns” received by DHHS from the formula industry
and consumers of their products, by the President of the American Academy of
Pediatrics, and some well respected researchers.
The National Breastfeeding Campaign WILL be launched this Spring with
minimal changes and with the integrity of the Campaign intact as reported by
Dr. Susanne Haynes, PhD, of the Office of Women’s Health to the
organizational members of the US Breastfeeding Committee meeting Friday,
January 23, 2004 in Washington, DC. The changes are in the best interest of
further research. Mention of childhood leukemia and diabetes have been
removed as has mention of disease related percentages. The Campaign WILL
encourage exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months and the risks of NOT
breastfeeding remain an integral focus. An anticipated meeting with industry
will inform them of this decision; no further changes in the Campaign will
occur.
More information will follow as the approach of the Campaign launch
nears. Support of and reactions to the campaign will be appreciated by the
Office of Women’s Health via its website. Your letters to the Department of
Health and Human Services were integral to the preservation of this
Campaign. ILCA members need to be fully cognizant that the full success of
the National Breastfeeding Campaign rests with the education, management,
and support critically needed by each and every breastfeeding dyad and that
which comes with your lactation skills and research based practices to meet
these needs.

you can't go home again. ever.

Posted on January 22, 2004 by wrekehavoc

“i went back to ohio but my city was gone.” – chrissie hynde

i lived at Club Mel for most of my legal (and not-so-legal) years at Rutgers. i loved begging baldy matt pinfield (aka mr. former MTV VJ, now A&R man) to play non-stop smiths songs as well as new order.

my brother has been in robert wood johnson hospital since early december. when planning to come visit him, i talked with my older brother about posibly taking the train to ‘brumfis. “do you know how to get to the hospital from the train station?” he asked me.

“shit,” i answered. “i walked that way drunk most weekend nights.” 😉

in short, i am crushed. not surprised, but crushed, nonetheless.

Former tavern razed

Published in the Home News Tribune 1/13/04

By SHARON WATERS
STAFF WRITER
NEW BRUNSWICK: The former Melody Bar, a local live-music landmark, was
unceremoniously razed last week as part of a plan to expand the adjacent science high school. Demolition of the French Street club, which has been closed since 2001, began Jan. 5 and was completed Wednesday, said city spokesman Michael Drulis. Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital owns the property, which will be developed by the city’s Board of Education to expand the New Brunswick Health Sciences Technology High School, said hospital spokesman John Patella.
The Melody Bar’s demolition was expected since former owners Steve Flaks and Cal Levine sold the club to the hospital in July 2001 for $500,000. But Superintendent of Schools Ronald F. Larkin was surprised yesterday to hear the bar had been recently razed.
“That’s great news,” said Larkin, noting plans for the school’s expansion had been dormant for a while. “We’ll put it on the front burner now.” The expansion plan, as discussed by school officials a year ago, included a rise in enrollment from 160 to 200 students, two science labs, two classrooms, a larger cafeteria and more administrative office space. After buying the bar in 1981, the Melody’s former owners transformed a neighborhood hang-out into a club that became an integral part of the city’s cultural revival. Its reputation for cutting-edge music spread as far as Europe.

…which just goes to show ya

Posted on January 20, 2004 by wrekehavoc

…there are people out there who are far scarier than i will ever be.

ophelia’s goth baby shower

5th circle of hell

Posted on January 13, 2004 by wrekehavoc

after developing the flu, jools developed really awful sleep habits, including the desire to be held – and fed – all night long. after many sleepless nights, BS and i decided to meet with an infant sleep therapist – yes, they do exist – and we have developed The Sleep Plan. right now, little man is screaming his little head off. this is excruciating. i go in and check on him after 5 minutes, then after 10, and 10, and 15, etc… until he is sleeping. essentially, we are trying to get rid of his negative sleep associations, like the need to suck on a bottle to get himself to sleep.

i hate the look on his face everytime i go in to tell him that it’s time to sleep. he is SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY at me, as if to say, mommy, can’t you help me? and i walk out the door. i have to help him learn to soothe himself. i can’t do it for him.

this is killing me.

G-d Bless Sir Spandex

Posted on November 6, 2003 by wrekehavoc

i start my new job on the 17th. the job looks challenging. i’ll work four days/week – which is considered part time, believe it or not. today i was out shopping, as i do not own work clothes that actually fit me; and i saw a thousand chubby-cheeked babies shopping with their mamas. all i could think was – am i making a colossal error by going back to work? i was missing drooly jools terribly. he of the squash-messed face. (he ate his first non-cereal food last night – squash – and he loved it.)

i am actually enjoying jools’ babyhood a whole lot more than i enjoyed BC’s. true, jools is a poor weight gainer and has reflux to beat the band. and he is going for that MRI next week to boot. but i am so much more relaxed about all of this trauma. you see, i have seen this movie already, and i know how it ends.

it ends with a skinny but very healthy and delightful child.

with BC, i was so stressed that i ended up with shingles. it was horrible – my doctor says it was the second worse case he has seen in his career. i really didn’t start enjoying her i think until nearly her 2nd year. it is a pity, too – she is such a delight, and it makes me sad to think that i will probably not look very fondly upon her first year on earth. so i have been working to make up for it ever since.

in other news, nothing fits. i have developed a new appreciation for lycra/spandex. whoever invented it should be knighted.