health – Page 14 – Wrekehavoc.com

Category: health

stick up for yourself.

Posted on June 13, 2006 by wrekehavoc

i’m absolutely distressed reading this story.

it raises a certain point that absolutely hit home with me. i spent two weeks in the hospital in february (sadly, not for something as happy as a birth), and it taught me one thing: you have to be a VERY strong advocate for yourself or, if you aren’t in any condition to advocate for yourself, you really need someone there to be it, whether it is a partner, a relative, a very good friend — someone who isn’t shy and isn’t afraid to hunt down people and tell them when things are needed. after going into serious convulsions because the nurse on duty wouldn’t give me benadryl before giving my an IV full of blood products (and i was too weak to argue and it was midnight, so no one was there with me), i am absolutely convinced of that. i was supposed to have tests that never happened; i was supposed to get meds i never got. and since my husband was trying his best to keep it together with the kids, i just couldn’t ask him to do more. between the IVs in my arms and the awful way i felt, i just didn’t have it in me to speak up.

believe me when i say that i am probably one of the last people to criticize the medical establishment; i have been spoiled for many years by having both good doctors as well as a family member who is a physician who i think the world of and a close friend who is a kick-butt nurse. but after being in the hospital for a bit of time, i feel very downhearted about the way people are treated there. it can be a demeaning, disabling experience. you w a i t a thousand years for anything. i was so frustrated waiting one day i tried to do something for myself and ended up hitting myself in the head on the bedside table (which ultimately resulted in my needing a scan.) i felt like people patronized me. (G-d only knows how elderly people are treated.) i could go on, but i am sure no one wants to hear me whine a lot. suffice to say, i have gone from someone who used to not fear hospital treatment to someone who would definitely hesitate before going in.

just thinking about how this poor man and woman were ignored brings me to tears. i know it’s easy to fall into a routine with our jobs but there are some jobs where nothing should ever be treated as routine. when you are working in a hospital, you deal with people who don’t have routine medical situations. having a baby = not routine. yes, people do it every day, some with and some without medical intervention. but during the process, whether we like to think of it or not, your life is imperiled somewhat. there’s a reason some women died in childbirth in the old days — sometimes, things go awry. i like to think that far fewer women (and children) die now in childbirth because we are prepared for these possibilities. but the preparation requires that no one takes for granted the safeguards necessary in the process. when washing your hands, or wearing a mask, or actually l i s t e n i n g to a patient in peril is taken for granted, then people are not taking their jobs seriously, patients are not safe.

every interaction in a hospital requires care, imho.

::phew::

Posted on May 25, 2006 by wrekehavoc

BC is feeling under the weather today and is home from school. my work from home today is punctuated by a slew of doctors’ visits. BC has been joining me for each one. one was a visit to the gynecologist (I’m OKAY!) to check out some pain i am having in my lower abdomen. most likely, these are caused by, you guessed it, muscles loosened by that wonder drug, prednisone. but just to be safe, the gyn is doing a sonogram of my abdomen.

the staff all fawned over BC, which she lurved. she had fun playing with the stirrups while we waited for the doctor (who was 1.25 hours behind schedule, i would add) to arrive. i saw her peeking up on the wall, where there was a poster with female internal organs (shall we say) for all the world to see. i was waiting for the inevitable questions to happen. they didn’t. but in the end, the word “sonogram” stuck in our collective heads.

so we’re driving home and talking about the visit. we’re so late that we also laugh at the fact that we will have to turn right around and go to my physical therapy appointment. “do you have any questions about all of this?” i asked, praying we weren’t going to revisit the poster from the gyn’s wall.

“yes, i do, mama.”

“what?”

“is it a boy or a girl?” she asked.

“WHAT???” i nearly drove off the road. “i mean, what do you mean, honey?” i asked, gulping.

“your next doctor at PT – is it a boy or a girl?” she asked again.

talk about your saving graces.

giving a wide berth to birth

Posted on May 23, 2006 by wrekehavoc

i continue to read the back-and-forth on local womens’ birth experiences at a variety of local hospitals. for every person who has had a positive experience at hospital A, there is someone who has apparently had a near-death experience there. while it is safe to say that there are certain hospitals i would avoid, either due to inconvenient locale or political policies which i oppose (i read somewhere that a local catholic hospital refuses to terminate pregnancies, regardless of the circumstances, which (of course) is its right but not something i would want to support), in general, if you are having a baby, you will need some sort of help. as one who spent two weeks getting treated for a freakish illness recently, i can tell you that there are worse places to be than in a hospital.

while i appreciate the whole birth movement and respect women’s decisions to use midwives, or have babies underwater, or experience the blessed event while skydiving (ok, so i made that last one up), i often wonder about women who obsess over the whole birth planning process. they make lists about what interventions they will or will not accept; they take classes on how to give birth and hypnotise themselves into a calm state; they psyche themselves into planning the perfect birth. they are usually first-time moms-to-be. (these are probably the same women who spent forever planning the perfect wedding.)

you really can’t plan the birth. sure, those women who plan a birth that happens perfectly, trouble-free, they’ll think they made it happen that way. but honestly, they merely lucked out. the truth is that birth is messy, scary, excruciating, and wonderful, all at once. and you really cannot predict how it will all go until the baby comes out and cries and passes his apgar screen and all is (hopefully) well. i cringe when i hear a mom tell me how depressed she is because, after all this planning, she had a c-section, as if somehow, she failed in the big birthing competition. what is wrong with a c-section, i wonder, if that is what you needed to keep yourself and your child alive? (and don’t even get me started on how i feel about the term natural childbirth.)

suffice it to say that these same women who try to plan their birthing experiences down to the last second will be very distressed to discover that they cannot plan their child’s life down to the second.

life-friendly workplaces?

Posted on July 22, 2005 by wrekehavoc

someone wanted to know how you negotiate flex schedules, especially since there may be some generational issues to conquer in terms of workplace perspective (boomers versus gen-xers.) here’s my perspective and experience.

i’m born in the one year that is smack dab between when folks say boomer-dom ends and gen-xers begin. [so i don’t know what you’d call me. a booxer?] anywho, i negotiated a flex schedule in a very family friendly nonprofit with a wonderful boss (no, she doesn’t read this, i really think the world of her) who originally wanted my position to be a FT position because i supervise folks. it is r e a l l y challenging to get an employer let you do a PT schedule (HA! 32 hours = PT. that’s always made me LOL) when you supervise, so i count myself extremely lucky. (the fact that i have a great staff helps, too 😉

i work an 80% schedule. what this means is that my salary is prorated, my leave is prorated, my holidays are prorated (yes, i only get 80% pay on all holidays and must make up the time), basically my life at work is prorated. i think i was able to negotiate it because i have such a weird career background (PR + social sciences + tech).

but, when i ran out of sick leave by april 1 of last year because of very sick children in hospitals + near-death siblings in hospitals (you really don’t want to know in full, but in short, it was one of those years when you think it won’t get any worse and it does, repeatedly), my boss let me dip into annual leave when i needed more sick leave and had none to get. in short, i literally made it out of the annual leave hole last pay period (yes, a year + later). but i was and am wildly grateful for my organization, which had these sorts of rules in place already and for this supportive boss of mine (a parent of teens) who not only provided me with the right information to make things work, but also kept telling me a thousand times, “this will all pass — it will all get better.” i worked my tail off to keep all the proverbial balls in the air — i guess my boss knew and appreciated that. but everyone should have this experience (not the near-death and sick kids part, of course) — other nations have more family friendly workplaces and cultures that support people as workers and as family members.

a while back, i remember what i thought was a rather idiotic cat fight pitting parents versus non parents in the workplace — why do they [parents] get these family benefits that i [single person] will never reap. i remember thinking, you know, it isn’t just about parents. single people are part of families. they, too, could benefit from a life-friendly workplace. sure, capitalism is all about making money; but there are plenty of people out there who just aren’t finding the balance they require to be productive, period. they’re stretched; they’re torn; they just don’t know how to support themselves, how to contribute in the workplace while making sure their families are in a good place in life.

there’s got to be a better way. i think that we need to reframe the issue. when you make it family-friendly, then people somehow subconsciously assume it is a “womens issue.” and you know how hard it is to get anyone to care about women’s issues. (shoot, we never could pass the freaking ERA!) somehow, we have to make this everyone’s issue — single, married, families — something that is a life-friendly workplace.

i would love to know how to start.

life is unfair

Posted on October 22, 2004 by wrekehavoc

two weeks ago, my kids had fifth disease. this week, my kids had hand, foot and mouth.

now, i have 102.7F and feel like crap. i attended a meeting by phone this morning because i felt like i was once again the human impediment if i didn’t. i hope i made sense.

but i have no sick leave. i have no annual leave. i have no mommy leave. i have to laugh because i have a friend who feels very indignant about the fact that her annual leave has been eaten up by family crises. like annual leave should only be for fun days off. i wish i could scream into her ear — annual leave is for the days when you must take time off. if it means its glorified sick leave, then so be it. her sense of divine entitlement shakes me to the core.

here’s hoping i start to sweat soon.

hand, foot, mouth, hoof, etc.

Posted on October 19, 2004 by wrekehavoc

joyous day, calloo, callay, to borrow from my beloved dr. seuss.

it appears that we have a wild outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease in this house. (or, for those of you who like the beavis and butthead-sounding name, coxsackie. uh huh, she said coxsackie, uh huh. yeah, whatever.) yesterday, we confirmed that the fever and the bumps all over jools’ legs were not a reaction to his ridiculously-rare flu shot but were, in fact, a result of this lovely virus. best of all, one hour before i was going to leave for the pediatrician’s office, the school nurse called me and informed me that BC was suffering from a fever and could i possibly come and pick her up?

after waiting to see whether BS could pick her up (he couldn’t because some not-so-nice-person had their car blocking his at the parking lot and couldn’t be reached), i whooshed over to BC’s school, only to have the school nurse MIA while my daughter slept on the cot. meanwhile, a helpful second grader informed me that the nurse would be back soon. nice to know there’s supervision going on in that there school.

so the nurse returns and decides that she will go find BC’s backpack. considerate and sweet of her, right? wrong. after 10 minutes, i nearly sent out a pack of dogs in search of the nurse, who clearly traveled to Honduras to look for this little princess backpack. (there are only 4 kindergarten classes in the school.) long story short, we went searching for the nurse, the nurse missed us, and voila! more time wasted. ultimately, we found each other and raced out the door. i had 30 minutes to get to the pediatrician’s office, a 20 minute ride when it isn’t rush hour. which, btw, it now was.

but wait. there’s more.

we walk to the car in the parking lot. i open the car door for BC so that she can climb in. “mama,” she says sleepily, “where’s my car seat?” yes. my beloved BS removed her car seat and put it in the other car that morning. he did not replace it with anything, not even folger’s coffee. now, BC is a month and a half shy of 6, which is the age when kids can officially be car-seat-less in our great Commonwealth. however, on this date, there happened to be 50, yes, 50 police officers across the street from BC’s school. some wild protest was underway, and they needed a flock of folks in blue to monitor it lest things get ugly, i suppose. my luck. i am breaking the law, and there are many, many cops to witness it.

somehow, i managed to slink by the whole lot. i raced home, found the other car seat, threw it in, got everyone safely belted up, and raced for the doctor’s with 20 minutes to spare. only, sadly, the two slowest drivers on G-d’s green earth were in front of me. fortunately, BS dozed off in the car. jools, being a toddler, doesn’t quite grasp mama’s guide to colorful speech. although, i suppose, if i hear him utter the word “fuck” this week, there will be no way of telling his caregiver that he is trying to say something in spanish. i don’t think that excuse will work this week.

so whoopee! 2 for the price of 1 at the pediatrician’s office. 5 minutes late for my appointment with an office jam-packed full of germy kids. life just doesn’t get better than this. and nevermind that i was there two weeks ago with a daughter who had contracted fifths disease. both kids officially have coxsackie disease. nevermind i have been without sick leave since april 1. nevermind that mama has a huge contract to negotiate at work. we can’t be bothered with such minor bits. we are far too busy contracting all of the great pediatric rashes of the western hemisphere.

today, hand, foot, and mouth. tomorrow, beri beri.

there she goes again…

Posted on July 29, 2004 by wrekehavoc

BC somehow managed to attract every mosquito within a 1 mile radius between the time she walked from our front door to the moment she closed the car door. by that time, she had at least 10 angry mosquito bites, and they looked itchy as hell. the four of us then started our daily drive in to work/camp/day care, and this lovely little chat, worthy of one of those Reader’s Digest columns, took place.

BC: mama, why do i get so many mosquito bites?

Me: because, honey, you are so very sweet!

BC thinks a little.

BC: mama, how come they don’t bite dada?

Me: because he isn’t so sweet.

(BS grimaces.)

BC thinks some more.

BC: mama, how come they bite you?

Me: because i am so sweet, too!

BC pauses.

BC: you know, maybe we should stop eating so much junk food?

the hitchhiker's guide to menstruation

Posted on July 12, 2004 by wrekehavoc

warning: graphic info follows.

so there we are, walking through the health and beauty aisle at safeway – me, BS, BC, and Jools. and BC points to a package and says, “mama, what are those?”

me: “those are maxipads.”

BC: “what do you do with maxipads?”

i was not prepared to have this conversation yet. in fact, i was hoping i could stave it off until she’s, uh, i dunno, in college. (for those of you new to my world, i should point out that BC is 5 years old.) there were several men in this aisle besides BS and Jools. i knew this was going to be a promising line of questioning.

me: “well, honey, ladies use them once a month.”

BC thought for a moment. i was hoping that a stampede of elephants would choose that moment to run down aisle 6. those fucking elephants failed me once again.

BC: “ladies use them when they have blood coming out of their bits.”

oh. my. g-d.

now you see, i never said this to her. i never had this conversation with her. in short, i was mystified. the men in the aisle turned white. by this point, BS and Jools were all the way down the aisle. i was on my own.

but it got better.

BC: “you wore maxipads after you had julian.”

you all must understand – i never made it a point to parade around the house wearing nothing but maxipads and a smile after giving birth. i don’t even think this child was ever near me in the bathroom during that time period. i think.

the remaining men in the aisle quickly chose a different aisle.

me: “yes, honey, i did. how did you know that?”

BC: …

BC: “mama, can i get a new toothbrush?”

some questions will never be answered in life, i suppose.

at this point, BS and Jools had been busy looking at toothbrushes and missed the entire delightful part of the conversation.

and all i could think was, why, WHY do i get the interesting questions? “mama, what are maxipads?” “mama, what is G-d?” “mama, why did people treat Black people like slaves?”

the level of question difficulty BS usually gets from BC is something akin to “DaDa, can I have candy?”

in short, there is no justice. none.

syd barrett is not baby friendly.

Posted on July 9, 2004 by wrekehavoc

i’ve been home all week with a very sick little boy. by wednesday afternoon, i came down with a bit of what he had, so i wasn’t feeling stellar, either. by today, though, we were both on the mend.

that being said, we’ve been in the house a lot. i’ve been putting on all sorts of music thanks to my subscription to comcast rhapsody. its like having an even larger record cabinet. through it, we’ve learned that my little Do loves brazilian samba soul.

but Do does not appreciate syd barrett or any early pink floyd. in fact, it creeped him out so bad, he toddled out of the room as fast as his little chubs could carry him.

natural childbirth?

Posted on April 9, 2004 by wrekehavoc

just inspired by a discussion about artificial milk (READ: formula) and how some terms people use are sometimes not as sensitive as they might be… i just posted this to dcurbanmoms, and i will likely get skewered for it in the morning… here we go…

———
this discussion reminds me a little of another term i so enjoy hearing bandied about: “natural childbirth.”

as opposed to what – unnatural childbirth?

i know historically, there was a time when mothers were completely anesthetized before childbirth. i know, also, because by the time my mom had me, baby #3, her OB didn’t believe her when she told him that she was in labor. by the time anyone dealt with her, she had no drugs — nothing — and had me – something she hadn’t expected as a mom in the 1960s. in a word, as she put it, “ouch.” (and boy, was she mad when the OB, who was too busy on the golf course apparently, billed her for delivery services when she knew full well that he wasn’ t there — only the nuns and the nurses, LOL!) i know we have come a long way (baby), and how wonderful that people have so many options – and also more medical safeguards for the baby’s and mother’s life, should they be necessary. bully for the women (and men) who helped us evolve to this point.

but natural?

ok, i opted for an epidural. for me, i was able to be more focused with this medical intervention. but i still sweated like a longshoreman and huffed and puffed and worked pretty freaking hard to have my children. i would call it unnatural if, perhaps, someone decided to try and extract my babies through, i dunno, my nostrils (which, if that was biologically possible and the only way they could do it to keep them alive and healthy, you know i would have given it my best shot, unnatural or not.)

gosh, i sure wish advocates would call it something like “drug-free” instead of “natural” childbirth. everyone who experiences childbirth experiences a natural experience, no matter how many drugs or interventions, imho. after having my first child, i know i *really* didn’t appreciate it when someone close to me tried to put me down because i had an epidural (gasp!) while she not only had multiple drug-free births, but also remained a size 3. she acted as if she was the winner of the ironman baby birthing competition. all i could think was: 1) how wonderful that you had the choice to have those healthy, drug-free births – but hell, my goal was to have a healthy baby and make it through myself – by any means necessary; and 2) how i hate you for being a size 3 😉 (just joking on the latter point, btw. some of my dearest friends are size 3s, so please, don’t jump on me for this one.)

anyway, just a thought. a rambly one, but a thought nonetheless. here’s to natural childbirth – drug-free; with drugs; C-sections; VBACs; and everything else that i am too tired to list. we all want healthy babies and we all want to live through the experience as well. by any means necessary, i say.