Category: ms. malaprop

happy birthday to you by dr. seuss

Posted on November 18, 2007 by wrekehavoc

::amazing guitar intro:: you say it’s your birthday?

it’s BS’S Birthday too, yeah!

and while it’s not strictly a tween girl book by any stretch, i thought i’d write today about one of my favorite (and jools’ favorite) seuss books, Happy Birthday To You! i think this one gets overlooked a bit — i mean, it’s hard to compete with the classics, and lord knows ted wrote his fair share of amazingly enduring reads.

in short, this book reminds you that you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and, gosh darn it, people LIKE you! because, as ted wisely writes:

If you’d never been born, well what would you do? If you’d never been born, well what would you be? Why, you might be a WASN’T.

i love this book because it works for kids, it works for grownups, it works for kids who think they’re grownups, and anyone else i’ve forgotten. basically, you are somebody worth knowing and celebrating — just because you’re you!

So, BS:

…that’s What the Birthday Bird Does in Katroo.

And I wish I could do All these great things for you!

Happy Birthday to You!

kit, an american girl by valerie tripp

Posted on November 17, 2007 by wrekehavoc

there are certain things that are predictable when a young lady turns a corner into the tween world. one, that she’ll probably start to love horses. two, that she’ll start asking for sleepovers. and three, that she’ll fall in love with the American Girl doll franchise (or some reasonable facsimile thereof.) i haven’t yet bought BC any AG stuff (i don’t feel like putting a second mortgage on the house to do so); and we have not yet made any treks to the big store in the Big Apple; but we do enjoy reading the American Girl books. and probably our favorite series thus far (we’re still not nearly anywhere near done) involved Kit, a girl from the Great Depression.

kit is a plucky girl picked out of one of those andy hardy musicals, only, there’s no musical involved here. she wants to be a newsgirl, and she starts out the series as a very proud, somewhat spoiled little chick. but don’t you fret — the Great Depression beats her ass down but good. (naw, i’m joking. sort of.) the chick never loses hope, even when the bank threatens to take her house back. i love the way that the american girl series’ get you talking about american history — sort of like sneaking veggies into your kids’ food and they don’t even know it.

last year, BC did a book report on the series. some of you faithful readers may remember my panic when i realized that girlfriend wanted to dress up like kit. but it all worked out, and i only wish i could get BC to dress in that 1930s garb again — she looked adorable. then again, i’m a sucker for the early ’30s — i still remember the time i made up a drinking game with friends to a marx brothers movie. any time they said something of that period, you had to drink. things like: “say!”

yep. loved the ’30s. pity that asshole hitler had to go and destroy it all. too bad he wasn’t sucked away in a dustbowl.

Kit an American Girl (6 Book Set)

the ABC meme

Posted on November 16, 2007 by wrekehavoc

i’ve been tagged by cynematic to make a glossary of me. ::a you’re adorable, b, you’re so beautiful, c you’re a cutie full of charm::

ok. i’ll knock it off.

rules: list a word that describes you for every letter of the alphabet. offer as much or as little explanation as you wish. please keep the words positive (for example, don’t use “fat�? for F or “lame�? for L), and feel free to get creative. tag as many or as few people as you wish. Link back to your tagger and forward to your taggees.

note that i don’t always keep it positive. but i always keep it real. ::cue MTV-type music here::

a – asshole. yeah. i said it. i’m an asshole sometimes. like i get all angsty and sarcastic and bunched up.

b – bread and brownie baker. those are the two dishes i do well, generally. ask me to cook something, though, and take your life into your own hands.

c – cake baker — i do cookies and cakes well, too.

d – depressed. i generally see the world as a place filled with half-empty glasses. and not the rose-colored kind, either. i fight it; i really do. but i wasn’t voted “class pessimist” back in high school because of my sunny disposition. which, i do have at times, you should know. (hmm. maybe m ought to be for manic depressive?)

e – emotionally perceptive. i may not be einstein when it comes to things like chemistry, but i am einstein when it comes to being perceptive about human chemistry. the only one who continues to puzzle me in that department, of course, is BS. after 20 years, he still surprises me. sometimes in good ways, even.

f – family. from the day i was born, it has been drummed into my head that this is the most important thing in life. nevermind how mad you might get at your brother — he’s still your brother and you have to love him. period. that’s life growing up in my family. summing it up would be my favorite quote from my father: home is the place where they have to take you in.

g – Google Queen. i’ve found out how to fix toilets, how to find old friends, and how to make always perfect sweet-n-sour meatballs thanks to my friend Google.

h – hopeful. i may be depressed, but i always have hope. hope for peace. hope for love. hope for chocolate.

i – insanely happy. i have moments when i probably go over the line and into the blue. i bubble over, and i cannot contain it. really. and it happens at the damndest times. like when i walked out of the hospital after a hematologist’s visit where i was joined by jools. and i was so glad to be leaving there, and the sun was shining just so, and i was holding him so that he didn’t get caught in the revolving door. and he pressed his nose up to mine and smiled. and i was simply full.

j – joker. everything must be funny. even my tragedies.

k – kisser. i come from a family of huggers and kissers. i think i freaked my future father in law out when i first met him. i walked up to him and gave him a big hug and kiss. that’s just how we do it. the nice thing, of course, is that over the years, my husband followed suit and even hugs and kisses his dad, too 🙂

l – love. i fall in love every. single. day. with. so. much. beauty. in. my. life.

m – mama. i worked really, really hard to get called by this name. when BC or jools call me by my first name, i stop her or him, not because it’s a respect thing. i stop the kid because it is my very honor to be called mama, and there are only two people in the world who can call me that. and they damn well better call me that, or a variation of it, until the day i die.

n – nuisance. ask BS what he thinks i am when he’s trying to be good and mad and be in a total snit. and i make a lizard face. or crack a wildly inappropriate joke. yep. with a capital N.

o – outrageous. i have a bit of a mouth on me, and that mouth has gotten me into trouble from time to time. i’ll refrain from some of my, ehhem, finer moments.

p – psychedelic. i dig psychedelic music and psychedelic art. i can’t really speak to the issue of psychedelics themselves, though.

q- quite quarrelsome. okay, okay, i stole that from maurice sendak.

r – restless. i am always interested in things that are new. i can’t sit still.

s – shockingly spoiled. also stolen from maurice sendak. also true.

t – tenacious. i don’t give up.

u – unusually musically oriented. i associate people and situations with songs. i play by ear. music is my daily catharsis.

v – vocal. not shy. shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to.

w – writer. i am a writer. i have always been a writer, even when i was sidetracked into three other careers. i will always be a writer.

x – x-tra smart. so smart, i can’t think of an x word. but i’m on it.

y-yawning. i am always tired. i have been tired since 1998. i’ll sleep when i’m dead.

z – zipper-challenged. i can’t fix zippers. i break zippers. somehow, i missed that day at mommy school where they taught you how to fix them when they’re off track. velcro is my friend.

tagging these alpha females in alpha order:

tied to my apron strings

and one cool alpha dude:

philfree

surprise. i tawk funny.

Posted on November 16, 2007 by wrekehavoc

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far)Northeastern

This could either mean an r-less NYC or Providence accent or one from Jersey which doesn’t sound the same. Just because you got this result doesn’t mean you don’t pronounce R’s.(People in Jersey don’t call their state “Joisey” in real life)

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

matilda by roald dahl

Posted on November 16, 2007 by wrekehavoc

we first met matilda when one of BC’s best friends gave out books in birthday goody bags instead of plastic crap. (yay, mira!!) we were further encouraged when BC’s second grade english teacher, a roald dahl fanatic and all-around amazing teacher, read the BFG and the twits to the class with great animation and admiration for the works. at this time, we’ve read the book several times. we’ve even seen the movie twice, though admittedly, the book is much, much better.

read this book.

the story, about a genius girl who faces some of the worst adults ever (including her parents and her principal), is a wonderful fantasy about how adults are not infallible — and how love can prevail. you have to laugh at the names in the book (Bogtrotter?); and you will be surprised when matilda’s parents scold her for doing something so terribly naughty as reading books instead of watching crap TV.

if words like telekinetic scare the bejeebers out of you, fear not: this is not any sort of carrie meets the horsey set. but you will laugh. i promise. and you will cheer on matilda and miss honey with abandon as the story goes on.

i think the very britishness of it is what is lost in the movie, now that i think of it. and that’s simply wrong. it’s not that danny devito or rhea perlman do a bad job; they don’t. but this is a british story within a british school and caste system. without that, it misses a bit. after all, this is the story that got BC singing: we don’t need no education. we don’t need no thought control. [note to self: don’t let her go into school singing that.]

so read the book — don’t see the movie first — or else i’ll bend a spoon, or move a desk with my mind. or something like that. cos if matilda can do it…

Matilda

otherwise known as sheila the great by judy blume

Posted on November 15, 2007 by wrekehavoc

caveat here: i heartheartheartHEART judy blume. i was a judy blume reading fiend as a young girl. i mean completely, absolutely, unalterably.

and before i go any further, i must say one thing here with clarity and feeling: thank you mom. thank you SO MUCH for not being one of those idiot parents who wouldn’t let her kids read judy blume. you know, those parents who are afraid of their kids reading books that talk about s-e-x? sassy kids who act like themselves in a book? you never thought i would turn into some sort of insane degenerate just because i was reading these and other books. you just were damn glad i was interested in reading. i mean, who knows: if i wasn’t reading about sex, i might be out there having it, instead!

(just kidding about that last one, mom.)

anyway, judy blume’s children/young adult books sort of break down into three different spheres for me. there’s the young kid sphere, with books like freckle juice. there’s the mature sphere, with books like forever (and yes, i was one of the girls who knew every page where the naughty bits were) and are you there G-d? it’s me, margaret. and then, there’s the middle of the road. the fudge chronicles, i think of them. kids are sassy, but they’re still at the point where they don’t like the opposite sex. well, not much, anyway. and while i love fudge and its subsequent sequels, i’ve always held a special place in my tiny heart for sheila the great. for any girl who ever felt afraid and hid it behind a false bravado (not that i have ever known anyone to be like that… ::whistling::), sheila is a beacon. she’s fearful of a lot of things. and, in time, she learns to welcome, and even embrace, some of them.

while the situations in the book bear little resemblance to my life, i must say that sheila is like a little alter ego for me. i love her. and plenty of tweens will, too.

Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great

reading is fundamental: books for tweens and preschoolers

Posted on November 14, 2007 by wrekehavoc

fear not: i’m in a happy reading state of mind now.

why, you ask? for starters, i’m currently gripped by an apoplectic fear that some toy i might purchase for a birthday or a holiday will end up getting sent back on a slow boat to china. worse still, it might poison a kid. so pick a book. even if it’s a baby book and the kid does chew on it, it hopefully won’t be laden with lead.

there are some who think that some of the books i’d choose poison a kid. i mean, some of these authors, like my fave judy blume, end up on banned books lists year after year. they deal with topics like sex, or drugs, or rock and roll. or maybe a combo of all three. and some parents are so damned threatened by this idea.

now i am not a model parent. BC will be quick to tell you that i curse; i’m a major boohoo; i’m unfair from time to time; and i don’t let her live on reese’s peanut butter cups. but i like to delude myself believe that i have a pretty good relationship with my kids. we talk about lots of things. hell, they bring up stuff waaaay before i’m ready. and i try to answer them as honestly as i can — although believe me, sometimes, the answer is pretty short since they can’t handle the whole truth at times.

and when we read books together, we talk about them. if the characters are freaked out because they don’t fill up a bra yet, that’s fodder. if the characters are frightened by witches, we go there, too. i suspect a day will come when the kids will be smarter than i am, and they’ll start asking questions about nuclear particles and neurotransmitters. i’ll be the one, then, who gets to ask the questions.

but in the meantime, i get to be the smarty. i’m the mommy; that’s why.

so for a week, i’m going to share some of my favorite tween girl books, books that BC and i have enjoyed, sometimes multiple times. i’ll then magically pick a book or two that bridges the gap and that can be enjoyed by a tween girl AND a preschool boy (for those nights when i’m solo parenting and have to kill two birds with one stone. so to speak.) and then, onto preschool goodness. i’ll try to pick some faves as well as some slightly off-beat works.

but know that these are all kid-tested and mom-approved… of course, if you’re the type of mom who has perfect hair, has perfect kids, and is perfectly uncomfortable with anything remotely controversial, then these may not be perfect for you. if, however, you’ve an open mind, well, then. pull up a chair 🙂

read on, macduff.

kids books i loathe: the giving tree

Posted on November 13, 2007 by wrekehavoc

kids books i loathe week is completed with a classic that everybody seems to love. everyone except for me, that is. in fact, i would have to say this is the book that sends me over the biggest cliff. i would never, ever advocate banning it. but jeez oh man, i hate this book with a passion.

i know, i know. the giving tree is a tender story that talks about loyalty and devotion. silverstein keeps it open-ended so that you and your child can have a conversation about being good to one another. selflessness. that sort of thing.

but you know what? i think a little too much selflessness is foisted onto parents, particularly mothers. and we are often the readers of this book, and we’re the ones who get the message thus strewn upon ourselves. i know plenty of mothers — myself included — who would put limb and life and liberty at risk simply to ensure the happiness and well-being of their child. now, this is good. and this is not so good.

you know. put the air mask on yourselves, people, before you put it on the children.

i have seen and been the woman who whittles herself down to the point where there is nearly nothing left for my partner, my kids, my world. what good are you to everyone if you’re a shell of your former self?

and that’s why i get so effing mad at this book. it sanctifies the effing tree. what an amazing, giving tree. it gives and gives until it can barely give anymore. and of course, no one appreciates it until its too late.

fuck that.

appreciate me now, while i am here to hear it. enjoy me now, while i can still join you in your laughter. don’t wait til i’m dead. don’t make me a martyr.

and pick a different book out for me to read to my kids for that matter.

The Giving Tree

kids books i loathe: Mr. Rogers New Baby

Posted on November 12, 2007 by wrekehavoc

ok, ok. i know i am about to go after a man who is not only still dead but is also still very beloved by a huge segment of the american population. we love the sweater, we love the parodies, we love the gentle ways of fred rogers.

i do, too, generally speaking (though i always hated the puppets and never understood how they fit into the “real” world of mr. rogers. ever.) and that’s why i felt like such a bad person for loathing this book.

but when i was expecting jools, i read several “new baby” books to BC to help her prepare for for her new baby brother. this is the only one that truly freaked her out in a way i could have never expected. see, fred talks honestly in the book about the feelings a new baby can bring out in a sibling. and one of those feelings is that you might feel like you want to hurt the baby.

well.

BC was freaked out FOR MONTHS. mama, she wailed, i don’t want to hit the baby! i’m afraid i will hit the baby!!!!

when you’re pregnant, you really don’t need that on top of everything else. i’m more in favor of talking about feelings during the actual moment. sure, talk about what it’s like to be a new sibling. but don’t put ideas into my kid’s head that weren’t there to start, fred. you just created one hell of a nervous child. a real freaking help that book was. nope. there are a bajillion new baby books out there, everything from the berenstain bears to the sears’.

when it comes to new babies, stay the hell out of mr. roger’s neighborhood.

Mr. Roger’s New Baby

kids books i loathe: love you forever by robert munsch

Posted on November 11, 2007 by wrekehavoc

a caveat here: BS found canadian author robert munsch’s website and downloaded a bazillion stories from it for a recent car trip. some of them are downright hilarious. the kids continue to quote from one in particular, especially since it contains the name of one of their beloved cousins: mac-ken-zie….do…YOU…have to go PEE? (this is what passes for art around here somedays.)

that being said, it’s a good thing i didn’t realize that they were written by the same guy who wrote love you forever or else i possibly would have nixed the project from the start. (shows you how exceptionally open-minded i am sometimes, huh.) but this book, in my book, is a major stinker. we’re talking skunker-times-1000.

i remember reading a review of this once from a self-righteous man who reckoned that if you didn’t like this book, you must never have experienced a selfless mother’s love. (sort of like those people who say that if you criticize our foreign policy, you must not be a patriot.) balderdash to that. my momma loves me, she loves me. and still, i can’t stand this one. for starters, i can’t get through this thing without crying buckets of tears, much to BC’s amusement.

if my tears were all that stood between me and this book, then i would be ok with that. but there is something about this book that is just so exceptionally creepy once you’re past the whole baby-child phase. i know all about allegory; but still, the idea of the elderly mom creeping up into the grown man’s house just made me think of one too many thriller movies. attack of the senior? throw momma from the window? my mother the breaking and entering chick? i dunno. it’s all just too freaky for me.

and then, the cycle continues with a new baby.

::cue twilight zone music::

Love You Forever