Category: ms. malaprop

::phew::

::phew::

BC is feeling under the weather today and is home from school. my work from home today is punctuated by a slew of doctors’ visits. BC has been joining me for each one. one was a visit to the gynecologist (I’m OKAY!) to check out some pain i am having in my lower abdomen. most likely, these are caused by, you guessed it, muscles loosened by that wonder drug, prednisone. but just to be safe, the gyn is doing a sonogram of my abdomen.

the staff all fawned over BC, which she lurved. she had fun playing with the stirrups while we waited for the doctor (who was 1.25 hours behind schedule, i would add) to arrive. i saw her peeking up on the wall, where there was a poster with female internal organs (shall we say) for all the world to see. i was waiting for the inevitable questions to happen. they didn’t. but in the end, the word “sonogram” stuck in our collective heads.

so we’re driving home and talking about the visit. we’re so late that we also laugh at the fact that we will have to turn right around and go to my physical therapy appointment. “do you have any questions about all of this?” i asked, praying we weren’t going to revisit the poster from the gyn’s wall.

“yes, i do, mama.”

“what?”

“is it a boy or a girl?” she asked.

“WHAT???” i nearly drove off the road. “i mean, what do you mean, honey?” i asked, gulping.

“your next doctor at PT – is it a boy or a girl?” she asked again.

talk about your saving graces.

…and i thought jesus saved.

…and i thought jesus saved.

…so we’re driving BC to hebrew school this morning, BS, jools, and i; and we pass a church sign outside a church, only of course we whizz by so quickly, i cannot read the entire cutesy slogan. (these days, i think houses of worship seem to be competing with each other for those snappy slogans. wonder if it packs in the cheap seats?) all i can read is: “jesus came back to take away.”

gee, i said to BS, he came back for subtraction? good thing he didn’t come back for multiplication.

and at the same time, BS and i both said, “he may have come back to take away, but the result at times is some serious division.”

::drums:: ba DUM dum

just goes to show you that you’re married a certain number of years and you can actually come up with the same punch line. of course, i don’t blame jesus for dividing the world’s peoples. there are plenty of others who have done their fair share from a multitude of theologies and ideologies.

why do i do these stupid things?

why do i do these stupid things?

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cursing and other indoor sports

cursing and other indoor sports

ah, cursing. let’s say that i have a toddler who yells “damn it!” and “crap!”, so no one will be nominating me for mother of the year any time soon.

my MIL likes to yell “sugarbeats” and “firetruck” to replace certain naughty words. i don’t find much satisfaction in yelling goofy things like that — when i curse, i am cursing to release something pent-up, and “sugarbeats” doesn’t do sh.., er, anything for me.

at the risk of sounding like my parents are the foulest-mouthed people on the planet (i swear — politely, of course — they are not), i was raised in a home where the occasional curse word flew. (not the F word, of course, but the “sh” one.) still, because my mom would get cross at me if i uttered something out of line, i never cursed much actually until i went to work for a dot-com-type-place, where everyone else cursed… and my mouth became, well, not pure as the driven snow.

may i humbly recommend cursing in a foreign language? if your kids are going to take the time to figure out what the hell you are saying, i figure its highly educational, at least. me, i curse in yiddish because that’s what my grampa did 😉 i’m a little limited to the phrases he yelled out the window while driving, but i find them somehow wildly appropriate and interestingly descriptive. i understand that there are curses in arabic and other languages that do the same thing. so, find another language and curse away.

the caveat, of course, is to not curse around people who speak that language. one of the easy things about cursing in yiddish is that there are (sadly) not many people i run into who know what the hell i’m saying — although my mom does. (and boy, does she give me a look.)

death and friends

death and friends

well, you can’t exactly start humming uplifting tunes with a subject like that, can you.

two colleagues of mine lost fathers/stepfathers this week, one last night. one is a colleague who i really particularly have grown fond of over the past few months. i feel pretty terrible for him – his dad was very ill for a long time, and the measures taken to help him only made things worse due to inept caregivers. while i imagine my colleague is relieved on some level to not have to handle the stress of really poor care for his dad, i am quite sure there is a bit of grieving going on. as i have only known this person for about 6 months, i wouldn’t dream of imposing myself into the situation. i want to be respectful. i want to be thoughtful. i just wish there was something i could do. death makes us all realize how futile our efforts can be at times. our efforts to comfort can never truly match the efforts of time.

it makes me realize on a certain level, though, how fortunate i have been to once again find a group of people who i get to spend each day arguing with, laughing with, and really enjoying. i even have a great team who amaze me most days with their sense of humor, their terrific work, and just their plain kindness. (not to mention their tolerance for my off sense of humor. at least i don’t get the david brent award. yet.) i have been lucky, over the years, to mostly find funny, warm, and intelligent people in my immediate work circles. sure, there are those who i didn’t click with – that is just inevitable. you can’t like everyone, and not everyone will like you. once you get over that, it’s all gravy. i mean, shoot, i am actually still friends with most of my former supervisors! and not because i kiss up, either. i have never been very good at that, and i frankly don’t need to do that, even if i could. it isn’t my style, which probably is why there are a few folks out there who are not terribly fond of me. oh well.

anyway, i am even boring myself at this point. i guess i am feeling a bit somber. i guess death isn’t something i really enjoy talking about. maybe woody allen can make a career out of it. but i don’t think i can. not today, anyway.

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Cape Town, South Africa