Category: pet peeves

pet peeve: people who talk through the movie in a theater

pet peeve: people who talk through the movie in a theater

four words: wait for the DVD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gudEttJlw3s

when i was a child, i learned that going to the movies was a fun-filled privilege, one in which i was to stay quiet and…wait for it… watch the film. one of my favorite pastimes is going to movies in a theater; there’s something different about the whole visualization that you just don’t experience at home (unless you have a theater-sized screen, which sadly, we will likely not achieve in our house in our lifetime.)

but over the course of my life, i have noticed a few phenomena.

1) when i lived in south florida, i learned that to hit a film during certain hours of the day would guarantee that i would be joined mostly by hard-of-hearing elders. these elders spent half their time half-whispering what did he say? until i nearly lost my mind.

2) now that i’m a parent, i spend plenty of time at kid movies, some of which aren’t half bad. (and some of which i might prefer to have my fingernails pulled out, one at a time.) i have instructed my children that they aren’t to talk during a film unless they need to go to the bathroom, in which case they must q u i e t l y let me know their status and we will then quickly and q u i e t l y run to the loo. pity that many kids aren’t raised by me, model movie mom. kids talk throughout the movies, and in VERY LOUD VOICES, TOO.  (just because you can screetch through a video at home doesn’t mean you can do it in public, dearheart.) you’d think their mom or dad would tell them to pipe down — that other people paid to hear the movie and not them asking 50 times whether buzz lightyear is really gone. but somehow, the parents were MIA on the day they taught about theater behavior.

3) things have gotten a bit better since theaters started airing those silence is golden PSAs. some people now turn off their cellphones. but hey, you in front of me, texting away. the light from your phone is distracting — and if you wanted to text, why did you pay $10 for a movie ticket?

gah.

pet peeve: people who don’t know the difference between there, their, they’re

pet peeve: people who don’t know the difference between there, their, they’re

vive la différence.

i cannot possibly imagine what some people were doing during their school years, but they’re butchering the english language here, there, and everywhere. and one of the top grammatical offenders appears to be the usage of there, their, and they’re. it’s not difficult, people, like it’s and its is.

there usually involves a place. and when it doesn’t involve a place, it is introducing a clause or a sentence (i.e., there is an awesome place where people actually know how to speak using grammatically-correct terms.) and of course, there is sometimes used by the folksy or southern people out there: them there eyes comes to mind.

their is the possessive form of they. and that’s IT. their house, their lawn, their dog who bites you when you visit. it all belongs to them. get used to it, get over it, and you’ll be ok.

they’re is a contraction — see the little line thing between the y and the r? it means there’s at least one letter missing. and that letter, in this case, is an a. breaking it all down — it means they are. so every time you are tempted to use that one, break it up in the sentence and see whether it works. they are is a place that i can go when i feel low? (nope. use there.) they are house, they are lawn, they are dog who bites you when you visit… (nope. now, how stupid does that sound? think about it.)

so get it straight, or the people with poetic license(s) will gang together and they’ll come to take you away to a dictionaryfest, where you’ll be force-fed contractions and grammar until your prepositions start contracting.

you’re welcome.

pet peeve: people who won’t pay their taxes on principle

pet peeve: people who won’t pay their taxes on principle

somebody’s got to pay for all of this.

let me preface this by saying that this is not a debate as to whether or not you feel your taxes are too high. i, for one, have a few ideas as to how we could cut government spending, but that is another thread for another day.

this is, in fact, about those ignorant morons who try to completely get out of paying any federal taxes, whether G-d told them not to, whether they feel it’s unconstitutional (which says to me that they haven’t read the 16th amendment lately), or whether they’re just too fucking selfish to pay. i’m sorry, but if you live here, you have to do what the rest of us do. (well, most of us. big corporations manage to weasel out of paying taxes in myriad ways, which makes me also insane. but you, john q. public, don’t have an army of litigators at the ready to protect your supposed right to hide any earnings you’ve made.)

i know people think they have the right to not pay taxes, but i respectfully disagree. you like roads? you like clean water? you like junior getting an education? you like granny getting her social security check? you need to pony up, sir. otherwise, you can move. you can move to the UAE, but you might have to give up some of those rights you’ve learned to love.

in the meantime, i leave you with some creative ways of alleviating your tax burden.

1) don’t smoke cigarettes.

2) don’t drink alcohol (or conversely, start up a new hobby: home brew.)

3) don’t drive your car. bike, walk, or take public transport.

if i think up more, i’ll let you know. i’m open to your ideas, of course.

pet peeve: wordless weekend part 3

pet peeve: wordless weekend part 3

this breaks my heart because a riff like this begs to be stolen.

aussie band jet kicks complete and total tush with are you gonna be my girl. it’s hard not to get caught up in it. but is it me, or is it ripped off from iggy pop, he who smeareth various liquids and solids across his chestal region?

(note that this video is the igster live. i’m afraid to look at his see-through pants, so i cannot tell you whether it is NSFW. proceed with caution.)

pet peeve: people who take their kids to nice restaurants late in the evening

pet peeve: people who take their kids to nice restaurants late in the evening

nope. mcdonalds does not count.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVI11IpmQzo

i have this somewhat controversial idea about childrearing. in short: i believe that when you have small children, you often have to make some small sacrifices, albeit temporary, in order to put others’ needs ahead of your own. one of those ideas involves taking babies or young children out to non-family-oriented restaurants after the hour of 8pm. (i’m talking about restaurants you might consider for a date — if it doesn’t offer kiddy menus, it’s fair game.)

my thinking about this is not terribly complex. for starters, this is a baby or young child, a little person who craves a regular schedule. that regular schedule includes a fairly regular bedtime. (yes, i am aware that some children wake all night long; i have two of them. but starting them out with a consistent bedtime starts you down the path toward nighttime sanity.) i know some parents work late hours, and the evening may be one of the few times they get to see their child all day. but for whose benefit is that — yours or the child’s? in my guilt-ridden, hormonal days as a young working mother, i needed reminding by my own mother that it was the quality, not the quantity of time that i spent with my child that mattered. maybe this means, for you later-to-return-home people, waking up a little earlier in the morning when the child wakes and reading to them or snuggling with them. maybe it means carving out sacred time in the week or weekend upon which no one else may intrude. or maybe, if it is really a problem, it’s time to rethink how you earn your money.

but i get really annoyed by the people who tell me that this is their only time to eat as a family — and so they go out to eat with a baby at 9pm at some adult-friendly restaurant. hello? should the baby really be out that late? if you don’t want to cook, perhaps you ought to pick up takeout earlier and enjoy it at home and let baby get well-deserved rest.

the other parties i am thinking of here are the diners without children (or who did not bring their children with them) at said aforementioned nice restaurant. guess what: if i am out on a date with my husband, the last thing i want to hear is your child shrieking while i am attempting to have a much-needed chat with my Beloved Spouse. nor, would i add, do i want to smell your progeny’s diaper contents or feel your toddler smacking me as he runs uncontrollably around the place.  i have come here specifically for time alone with my husband; if i am here, then i have spent actual money on a babysitter — and the days of sitters charging $1/hour were gone 30 years ago. i have specifically come here because there is no child menu. so the last thing i want to experience is your overtired and stressed child, who probably would be much happier drooling her way through soft foods on her own turf.

when my kids were very small, we tried very hard to enforce an 8pm bedtime. when we went out to dinner, we went to places where children were welcomed and accommodated. it’s not hard to do. yes, we had to endure some meals that were not fabulous; but overall, it worked well for our little family. the kids were happy; we were happy; and somewhere, at various local watering holes, we’d like to think that others dining out were happy, too. it was a small sacrifice for only a few years.

of course, there are those who think their babies can travel anywhere at any time. their world won’t change just because they became parents. the baby just comes along, like a little accessory.

i feel so sorry for their kids.

pet peeve: people who stand on the left on metro

pet peeve: people who stand on the left on metro

this time, it gets local.

i suspect very little contributed more to my high blood pressure than riding on the metro each day. yes, it’s a wonderful system, and i hope more is done to alleviate its overcrowding and underfunding. but when you commute each day on this system, you tend to see the worst in people. it’s like never-ending cases of walking competitors for the darwin awards…

people standing in the doors of the cars, not letting others in.

people eating on the train when it’s strictly prohibited.

people taking strollers down the escalators.

people stopping at the top or bottom of the escalator.

and my personal favorite: every protestor whacking you with signs from his or her day exercising her G-d-given rights as an american to share her perspective with members of congress. or staffers. or most likely, with other tourists who think this passes for excitement. i used to dread the anniversary of roe v. wade each year, not because i’m against the decision (i’m for it — pro-choice all the way, baby!) but because at 7am, pre-coffee, no one should have to be barraged by a bunch of middle america’s finest, grinning broadly and wielding signs containing pictures of aborted fetuses.

no one.

but the mother of all my metro pet peeves: people standing on the left-hand side.

this is the walking lane, people. it isn’t safe to stand here, especially not during rush hour. this is the lane that provided people like me with exercise for the first five years of my life as a commuter in DC: running down the escalator in rosslyn; running up the escalator in dupont circle (which is impressive if you’ve been there.) if you want to stand, stand to the right.

you really don’t want to get in the way of cranky, time-crunched commuters. once upon a time, just before christmas 1991, i was in the left lane, walking down the escalator at metro center. suddenly, a blue line train to maryland pulled in. someone pushed me from behind, and i fell all the way down to the bottom of the escalator.  bump de bump de bump i went on my back. i laid crumpled in a heap at the bottom of the escalator. and you know what? no one stopped to help me or even ask me if i was ok.

they stepped over me. and they got on their train.

so think of this as your public service announcement should you ever come to DC. stand to the right. walk on the left.

and for G-d’s sake, try to stay off metro during rush hour.

pet peeve: people who can’t be bothered to park in a space

pet peeve: people who can’t be bothered to park in a space

you’re special. so special.

ah, parking lots. as a person who lives near a major city, i cherish parking lots. see, in the city, you are stuck with fighting for on-street parking or for the ever-popular parking deck. either way, you may be charged an arm-and-a-leg for the privilege. you may be towed (especially in DC, and for no apparent reason other than it’s a day that ended in the letter Y.) if you’re really lucky, like i was, someone will hit your car and drive away, leaving the front of your vehicle beside farragut square (which yes,virginia, actually happened once.)

so i cherish parking lots. out in suburbia, there are often lots — and many of them are FREE! yes, it’s really great — you drive in, and if it isn’t the holiday season, you find a spot, and … wait for it… you stop your car between two lines. it’s awesome! sure, there are people who park a little over the lines from time to time; and sometimes, it’s a little difficult to find a place to park. but it works. it’s a great system. and as someone who hates parallel parking, i give it a tremendous thumbs-up.

but then, there’s always that one person who somehow thinks that parking lots are for suckers. yes, he will pull up to the front of the store, park his car in the fire lane, and get out to hit the stores. now unless his name is actually Fire Lane, i think that space is supposed to be kept clear in case, G-d forbid, lightning hits Syms and the place needs emergency attention.  but no. this guy (or gal) is specially annointed; he don’t need no stinkin’ parking spot!

and yet somehow, he never gets ticketed or towed.

certainly, it’s not like he’s a serial killer; this is just my pet peeve, after all. but i do hope when he meets his end, and he tries to park himself in front of everyone else in line at the pearly gates, st. peter takes one look at him and tells him to park his car in the furthest lot in west heaven and then get to the back of the line.

divine justice.

pet peeve: people who drive gingerly in rugged vehicles

pet peeve: people who drive gingerly in rugged vehicles

go buy a tin lizzie instead, ok?

i live in an urban area — or, to be precise, an exurb.  we do not off-road here (nor are we into NASCAR, for that matter.) we do have occasional deer and foxes crossing the roads in my neck of the woods; but mostly, the wildlife consists of birds, rodents, and raccoons rifling through the trashcans.  in this world of mine, we have roads, we have bridges, we have traffic jams. (we also have a citizenry terrified of precipitation — the mere report of rain in the future drives up bread, milk, and egg sales. but i digress into another pet peeve.) in short, the wildest (and arguably the most offensive) thing you will see around here unfortunately are those idiots from westboro baptist church protesting at arlington national cemetary.

and yet, we have the land rovers and hummers and other oversized urban assault vehicles, zooming through the people’s republic to destinations unknown. i especially love seeing the ones with the kangaroo catchers on the front bumper; lord knows you might run into one on washington boulevard. when i moved up to the mom-mobile a few years back, i thought it was super-large, and i was nervous about moving around the world in something so big. but the mom-mobile is dwarfed by so many of these honkin’-huge SUVs on the road; i may as well be riding in my old civic.

these rough-tough vehicles are surely built to withstand some serious punishment. their ads imply as much. so why are you, john and jane q. upwardly-mobile, afraid to ride over speed bumps? why are you gingerly driving over a tiny pothole? why are you terrified to splash through a puddle? i go mental every time i am behind someone in one of these supposedly-strong vehicles and he or she is treating it like it could break into a thousand tiny pieces if the road condition is not absolutely and positively perfect.

yeah. i guess if i paid that much money for a car, i would probably never let it leave the garage.

pet peeve: people who text while hanging out with other people

pet peeve: people who text while hanging out with other people

OH RLY?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RUjnqH3kMw

one day, BC came in from our cul de sac. she had been hanging out with our two neighbors, two lovely girls who are only a year or so older than she. and, in short, she looked rather annoyed. i asked her what was bothering her.

well, mom, what is up with people who are standing right next to you and hanging out with you but they are busy texting other people?

what indeed?

just as netiquette was created for people who use the internet and email, some sort of celliquette needs to be created, for i fear civility is on its way out.  i’m delighted that movie theaters now, as a matter of course, remind patrons to turn off their cell phones once the film has started, but more has to be done.

and i’m afraid it needs to be directed especially at the young, who text more than they talk.

it’s bad enough that people use cell phones while driving. how they can text and drive is beyond me — and it’s wildly unsafe, as this extremely disturbing and GRAPHIC public service announcement shows. that sort of thing looms much larger than just a pet peeve — that’s a matter of public safety. and there are many, many dangers in the land where sex and texting intersect, especially for our young people. not a pet peeve but a serious, scar-worthy scare.

so i will return to the lighter, fluffier world of interpersonal relations and texting. just as we parents work hard to teach our kids social skills when they are small, we need to continue to help our kids navigate this brave new world where technology and personality intersect. you taught little janey to share; now you need to teach her to pay attention to actual human beings when she’s with them. you need to teach her not to text and walk without looking where she’s going (to which i would add: dumbass girl. lucky you didn’t just walk into traffic, like i have seen so many, many pedestrians do. too bad the city can’t sue you for stupidity.)

you would think it would be common sense to not let something like texting take over, but it is. and i can’t tell you how many times i see people, usually young twenty-somethings and below, with other friends — and texting with other people who aren’t even there. here’s a thought, you social slackers: if you aren’t going to interact with the friends you’re with, STAY THE HELL HOME.

i’m grateful that at least BC has gotten the idea that ignoring people you’re with is a rather rude endeavor. maybe she can turn into some sort of evangelist on this issue?

until then,  i will quietly seethe whenever i see this sort of activity.  maybe i’ll actually call a friend to vent about it.

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