i am sick today. i have realized that being a sick mom really, really sucks. being sick does not mean that your kid doesn't shriek at you. being sick doesn't mean all tasks magically disappear. it just means you are sick on top of everything else.

wah.

“The WB also hopes to take viewers away from NBC's Must-See Thursday programming with a new version of the 1966-71 CBS favorite “Family Affair,” about three orphans, a bachelor and his English butler. Gary Cole and Tim Curry will now play the roles originated by Brian Keith and Sebastian Cabot, says The Times.”

WHAT??? tim curry as mr. french??? will he be the first sweet transvestite butler?

BC looks into her chocolate pudding tonight. She stirs it around and lumps it on top of itself. All the while, she is murmuring: “it's not Michael Jackson. it's not Michael Jackson.”

BS and i look at each other incredulously. finally, BS says ,”honey, where did you learn about michael jackson?”

“from kareem,” she replies. kareem is her little buddy/boyfriend at school.

this must be investigated.

one night, while BS was putting BC to bed, i was surfing online and went over to RealSimple.com. (do not ask me why.) they have a contest each month, Your Words, where they ask readers to answer a question. not sure what possessed me, but i answered the question: which chores do you delegate, or hire out, and which do you do yourself? i told the tale of how one time, we tried to put in new lighting in the bathroom and ended up ripping out the wall. (uhm…oops.) the *entire* wall. we lost that bathroom for a few weeks. i said we like to think we are do-it-yourselfers, but there are certain tasks where we are willing to hire out to preserve the peace 🙂

apparently, i did a good job with my answer. they sent a photographer over to photograph me in the non-remodelled bathroom. (the wall is, of course, intact now.) i won the august contest and will be featured in the august Real Simple's Your Words column. go figure.

yep. my brush with glamor. first jeopardy!, now a picture of me. in the bathroom. with BC's rubber ducky.

you bet you were me, now, doncha.

as old farts, we listen occasionally to the classic rock station. it isn't pure AOR format that we loved as kids, but it is better than britney spears on the one end and limp bizkit on the other.

we got into our car to run errands, and cream's magnificent cover of the blues classic “crossroads” came on. BC perked up in her carseat and started bopping in time to the music. “mommy,” she said, “this is GREAT skipping music!”

yep. i'm sure that's what slowhand had in mind when he covered it 😉

it's mother's day. i just bought my husband a hoe.

i just thought that sounded funny. that's all.

it started out as a nice day. we went to meadows farms and bought some english boxwood, a persian lilac bush, a striped rose bush, some spearmint and some cherry tomato plants.

we dropped them off and then went off to the Taylor School neighborhood fair. BC hopped in the moonbounce, made a tie-dyed shirt, and fished in a pretend fish pond. she won all sorts of little prizes from playing tumbleweed bowling and the lollipop tree game. it was so much fun.

we got home, ate lunch, and were all tired. i went to take a nap, leaving BC in the capable hands of BS. in the 10-15 minutes i was upstairs, trying to nap, BC took an entire jar of vaseline and smeared it on herself, the wall, her blanket, her bear, her baba, her clothes, the wood floor, etc.

no library videos for 2 weeks, no candy for two weeks. the amazing thing is that she really doesn't care. no matter what sort of discipline we attempt, she could care less. it is really frustrating.

that's all.

i have two older brothers, howie and larry. howie is the oldest, then larry, then me. when we were little, we had a cat named Dumb-Dumb (no, i am not making that up. it was short for Dartagnon, my parents always insisted.) we all loved cuddly Dumb-Dumb to pieces.

one day, though, we found out that larry was severely allergic to the cat. larry used to have terrible asthma attacks, and lo and behold – we had one of the main culprits living under our roof with us. so mom and dad decided we would have a family vote: who stays – larry or Dumb-Dumb?

howie and i both voted for Dumb-Dumb. that was when my mom said that we were no longer a democracy, and that she and dad got TWO votes a piece and that larry would stay. Dumb-Dumb went to live with our friends, where i think he lived happily ever after.

years later, when i was in high school and larry was in college, i remember struggling through some Trig homework (Barbie was right – math IS hard 😉 larry sat down and helped me understand what the hell was going on with Trig. and i remember looking at him, and in a random moment, i said, “larry, you know what? i'm really glad we kept you and not the cat. i don't think Dumb-Dumb understood Trig, do you?”

today is larry's 40th. he rocks. as kids, we loathed each other. as adults, we are actually very good friends. i don't know many people who are smarter, funnier, or just plain nicer.

so happy birthday, dude. in your honor, i have stuck my hand down the toilet. you see, your darling beloved niece decided to put a ton of toilet paper in the toilet, and guess who had to fish it out before the toilet barfed it all over the floor?

(i knew that image would make your day! ily!)