for the past five years, a random weirdness happens to me. i eat something, and the gland on the side of my face blows up, from my ear all the way down my throat, making me look like i am growing a second neck or something. and it happened this morning. the first time it happened, i was in a bar at a party with people from my office. i ate some crabmeat appetizer, and my face started to blow up. strange, too, because i had eaten crab successfully before; but crab being crab, i simply assumed that it was a shellfish thing. my boss at the time, in one of the few acts of kindness she ever showed me throughout our short but harrowing relationship, pulled out an antihistimine and gave it to me. in time, the swelling abated.

but unfortunately, this has happened to me every few months or so — maybe once or twice a year. and i haven’t had crab or even shellfish. i mean, this morning, i only had my usual breakfast of oatmeal and peanut butter and wham! it started. by lunchtime, it had swollen so much, it made me cry to eat. (and i was hungry, too. very little keeps people with my genes from eating. at 20, i had all four wisdom teeth pulled and immediately went to mcdonalds afterwards for lunch. my brother had the same experience, only he went out for a steak. i’m simple not terribly classy. but you knew that already.)

i have tried over time to trace what i’ve done to earn this lovely experience, but there is simply no rhyme or reason to it. if anyone out there knows anything, i am all ears.

and all neck at the moment, too.