so i usually pride myself on being relatively sane. but this morning, after a trip to home despot with BS and BC, i was a little cranked. we were getting ready to leave the orange-hued plaza of no return. BC was sitting in her car seat while she wore one of those mr. wizard “gee-i-wonder-what-happens-when-you-squeeze-the-juice-box” faces. and before you could scream “Xanax, please!” she did it. squish! right all over her new shirt.

most of the time, i am pretty cool about these things…but not today. i barked her name, got out of my seat, and went in the back to clean her up. i had no idea that someone was standing behind me, i was that focused (and annoyed.) BS says, “c'mon, don't wipe her up, there's someone waiting for the spot.” so, being the polite and sweet jersey girl that i am, i literally say “well they can “f” off and wait(yes, i literally said “f” – not the full word).” i had no idea that there was someone literally behind me and that BS meant that there was a person trying to get through.

i got into my seat, and there was BS, looking incredulously at me. “what, what?” i asked. i saw someone scurry behind me and get into the car beside us.

“you know, that person was right behind you.”

“oh, you meant someone was BEHIND me waiting to get in?”

“yes. and you just told her to “F” off.”

“oh. well, sorry, i did not know that.”

so classy me. setting a good example for all the world to see.