so this morning, my three-year-old daughter gets mad at me and yells, “oh jesus!” i yell many exciting and colorful additions to the english (and other) languages when i am mad, but i do not usually yell “oh jesus.” i don't know if it is a jewish thing, i don't know if i just find other words more accurately express my utter pissed-offedness, but i just don't exclaim those sorts of things too much. growing up, i never yelled many bad words until i left home. we just didn't say things worse than “hell,” “damn,” or the biggy, “shit.”

you just had to see BS and my faces when she exclaimed utterances to that good old guy. we, of course, promptly informed her that there were better ways to express her ire. (yeah, listen to mommy when she drives at rush hour.) of course, this reminded me a bit of the new show “The Osbournes.” i don't know if anyone else out there has watched it. it is pretty awful, but like a car crash, i can't seem to turn my head away from it. it's ozzie as ozzy! his kooky wife (and manager), sharon! his teenaged son jack (who is also a record company talent scout in his free time)! his wacky, multicolored-coiffed daughter kelly! their nanny! (one daughter apparently decided not to participate. smart gal.)

now here are the parenting questions i have for the osbournes.

1) why do teenaged kids need a nanny?

2) why is every word out of everyone's mouth “fuck”? i just imagine the kids as toddlers, approaching other little ones: “fuck you, billy, it's MY truck!”

3) why hasn't the ASPCA cracked down on them for having so many animals? it seems nearly cruel to me; and clearly, if the animals constantly poop and pee all over the house, someone is not paying enough attention to them when they need it. sure, i know, animals make mistakes, animals mark their territory, etc. but when you are as self-involved as the Osbourne family, how on earth can you remember to walk all of your dogs? don't even talk about feeding them!

and finally,

4) why can't ozzy figure out his remote? some iron man. hmmph.