ok. if i agree to go to the Rainforest Cafe again when i am not well-rested, then someone please, please smack me in the head. yesterday, i, or some evil twin who temporarily possessed my body, somehow agreed to take BC there after she agreed to get her picture taken by a real photographer. (and no, i won't post them here because i don't want to have some fuckwit grab the photo and do horrible things with it. if you know me and want to see the pictures, then i will very gladly share upon your request once i take the time to digitize them!) granted, it takes an act of G-d to get a three-year-old to actually listen to a photographer when there are oodles of things clamoring for her attention; but i was getting a bit annoyed when my formerly well-behaved child turned into mini-greta garbo. the photographer was no big help, either. he took forever to actually take a picture, which is a big no-no when your clients have the attention span of a hummingbird. since the photos would not be done for an hour, we went to said restaurant.

we were on the early side of the day, i might add. we were way ahead of the lunchtime crowd. however, that meant we were there just in time for some uniform-clad kiddies from some local school who apparently were having a field trip to the restaurant. now, tell me if i am off-base here, but this is a RESTAURANT. not a museum. not a zoo. not even a remotely educational establishment. sure, they have a wonderful fish tank, and they can spout off a few forgettable bits of info about the perilous state of the rainforest. but this is a BUSINESS. completely with anamatronic animals who roar and growl on a timer. its fun, i guess, but this is not the right place to be taking kids for a SCHOOL FIELD TRIP. it is like taking them to disney, for christ's sake. disney is not educational. sure, there are moments when you smile because there is a little message, such as “it's a small world.” but i have great contempt for the mighty mouse and corporation. i have always had some issues with the great homogenization of america, and establishments like disney and even the rainforest cafe add to it. people get brainwahed that these are EXPERIENCES. going to a museum is an experience. wandering in a park is an EXPERIENCE. going to rainforest cafe is a MEAL. an expensive, and not very tasty one at that. the tortilla chips that came with BC's mac and cheese (yeah, how's that for a side dish!) literally were coated with salt. and not kosher salt like on hot pretzels, either. yecch. i was not aware that french fries cost extra. the waiter merely asked me whether i wanted chips or fries with my nature burger. i wanted neither, but i picked fries since i figured my daughter might want a taste. i got to pay extra for that privilege, which was a bit irritating.

anyway, it took nearly a half hour for the workers there to get the field trippers settled. we just stood and waited. BC would not leave, so i had very little choice — and i did promise, so i couldn't just pull parental perogative and exit. argh. fortunately, they sat us under an iguana. the last time we went to rainforest cafe, we could not stay because the jaguar, which was over our heads, growled so loudly that BC was scared to death. i suppose that it is a positive that she was not scared any more. in fact, she continually peppered the waiter with questions about the names of every animal she encountered there. “uh, yeah,” the waiter said, “uh, the toucan's name is, uh, tookie. and uh, the butterfly's name is bill.”) it was actually the highlight of the meal, as i felt like i was entitled to enjoy the little subversive nature of my child as she annoyed the waiter. that's my girl!

anyway, i imagine i will be back here sometime. BC loved it. perhaps when her dad or her grandparents come with me, i will go back. but not while it is only cranky, bad-ass me.

btw, the pictures of her turned out terrific. in spite of a bad photographer, my daughter shines 🙂