dear mattel,

i realize you are deep in the throes of trying to understand why little girls who are 7 are suddenly not interested in barbie. i would like to propose a theory. my daughter started receiving barbies when she was three. aw, we thought when she received her first, how funny. how cute.

then we tried to open the package and liberate barbie from her little box. once you carve your way into the box, you first have to get all those twisted metals things off her. then the zig-zag tape sewn through the box through her head that inevitably holds her hair down. then, little strings that hold down various other pieces.

it's insanity.

now, this december, my BC celebrated her birthday, chanukah, and christmas. she received several barbies and kens. i just completed freeing “happy birthday barbie,” her hair brush, the little cards and little present, from the package. it was not pretty.

so why do little girls lose interest in barbie by age 7? i'll tell you why. mom and dad just ain't going through the packaging anymore. they get them a game boy or something else and call it a day.

shit. i know i will.