well, actually, i love america’s sweetheart, circa 1980. valerie bertinelli, former wife of eddie van hamster (and ohmyGAWD he’s too cute in this clip) has written a tell-all book about her life, including bits about drug use (NO!) and infidelity (NOOOOOO!) and even dates with stephen spielberg (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

but valerie wins quote of the week, even this early, with this gem:

“I just figured, if they’re going to watch me lose 40 lbs. and I’m going to be embarrassed that way, and there’s going to be fat-ass pictures of me with my butt hanging out in Hawaii, I thought, ‘Why not let the inner me out, too?'” Bertinelli said. “Because the inner me is, I hope, prettier than the outer me.”

 

fat-ass pictures of me with my butt hanging out. words no publicist would ever write.

i love this girl.

hello, jenny craig? i’m bringing my fat ass down.