if eight was enough, what does that make 19?
the other day, i spied BC watching yet another taped episode of the duggars: 129 and counting. BC really enjoys a lot of the programming on TLC, and while i think TLC has probably begun going down the supersized family and little people tracks a bit too much, there are some programs i personally enjoy. for example, i loveloveLOVE the cake boss. the way buddy corrals his nutty family and employees and customers is a tour de force. and usually, his show is not something i give a second thought to my kids watching…as long as no erotic cakes are involved.
anyway, back to the duggars. i guess someone in programming thought, well, hell, if people loved the religious jon and kate before they imploded, people will really flip for this bible-thumpin, homeschooling, small city of a family. and of course, these people are not evil people. they have values, they want to share their values with their kids, and perhaps one day, they will breed enough to inhabit a small city as the city’s only residents. (KIDding. what sort of crazies would want to actually do that?)
obviously, they live their lives and we live ours.
but the bright side of this show is that it has opened BC and i up to all sorts of teachable lessons. and i mean, ALL SORTS. because they are all about imparting their values to their kids. and so i, too, sure as hell am about imparting lessons to mine.
teachable lesson number one: is it really fair to continually bear children when there are so many on the planet who do not have loving parents? BC jumped right onto this one, citing yet another TLC/Discovery special she and i watched together about this couple in georgia who adopts special needs children — lots and lots of them — and tries their damndest to help them develop as much independence as they are able to develop. of course, one does wonder why all of these people collect children in quantity the way some people collect coins. but at least, in this case, the latter family is accepting children who, for whatever reason, were not accepted by their own parents. and they are loving them.
meanwhile, mrs. duggar continues to be a breeding machine. apparently, she is accepting all the children that the Lord will give her. are these children considered a reward for her goodness? it does beg the question then about infertile couples — is G-d punishing them for being bad people? i doubt it sincerely. so of course, the duggars have inspired a conversation around here about birth control. i’m sure it isn’t what folks like the duggars would have intended, but kids need to know that you don’t just have to make a baby every blessed time you have sex.
teachable lesson number 2: is it fair that the older kids have to babysit and teach the younger kids in these huge families? this was an interesting point to ponder. the eldest duggars appear to be responsible for teaching their younger siblings and looking after them. i’m all about family; and of course, there are moments when the eldest are called upon to help out in ways in which they are capable (for example, i remember some times when i was growing up where my oldest brother, BTD, babysat me.) but there’s something patently unfair about this expected regular indentured servitude. of course we all want our children to grow together and to help each other; but even BC noted that these teenagers never get to be teenagers.
it just didn’t sit well with BC or me. children always want to please their parents; it’s that whole approval thing. as a parent, i try to encourage my kids to share their opinions and ideas, regardless of whether i would agree or disagree. we discuss. sometimes, we end up agreeing; sometimes, we don’t. but i wonder whether those duggar children would ever complain or point out to their parents respectfully that they do not, in fact, work for them. i doubt it.
teachable lesson number 3: is it enough to help when someone you know needs help? or is it good to help just because it’s the right thing to do? this one stemmed from a moment of mommy behaving badly. (yes, that would be me.) i was rather annoyed when jim bob duggar notes that he was donating blood for the first time because his baby (#19 for those of you keeping track at home) needed his blood. it goes without saying that any parent worth his or her salt would give up anything for his or her child. i know i would do the same.
but a grown man who never, ever donated blood before? ever? that upset me. BC and i talked about how there are things in life you do because they help other people. yes, one day, perhaps you might benefit from these gifts; but you don’t do these things for the personal benefits; you do them because they are the right thing to do. i explained how when i was in high school, i didn’t make the weight requirements for donations, so instead, i helped to run the school blood drives. (and yes, i was scared of the needles, which didn’t help things.) in time, i made the weight requirement (and how!) and donated blood. the last time i donated was a day or so after hurricane katrina hit new orleans. i remember it quite well; BS and i were to have gone to six flags on a grown-ups only date, but it was raining. we decided to go donate instead. i felt honored to do it.
who knew that a few months later, i would be a beneficiary of someone else’s donation?
i’m not the most religious person in the world, but i like to think i am somewhat spiritual at times. and i have often thought that it isn’t about what G-d can give to you; it’s about what you can give to the world. you don’t have to be a person of faith to see that we humans are all in this life together, and we all should try to help each other. i’m sure the duggars are lovely people. but i wonder if inherently, they spend more time looking inward instead of outward toward the world.
and as for BC? she certainly picked up something in sunday school. her observation? mom, the best kind of mitzvah is when you do something to help someone else and it’s anonymous.
i hope she carries that in her heart and it instructs her actions in life.
Thank you for taking all this (what I call craziness that’s fodder for TV programming) and breaking it into teachable moments. Speaking of teachable moments, I’ve never given blood in my life. I’m wondering: is this something that’s passed on by example? In other words, did your parents regularly give blood? In my family, no one did. I tried once when I was young and was turned away. I’ve never seriously considered it since. I once worked with a guy who wore some kind of pin on his lapel boasting that he’d given away gallons of blood. **shudder**
Yes, you are completely right…they really do spend their lives looking inward and shielding themselves and their children from the world around them, rather than going into that world to spread goodness. I know very well some folks like this (who are friends with the Duggars), and that is exactly how they live their lives.
momz — thanks! i am not sure whether my parents gave blood. i think as a child, i was pretty oblivious to certain things. that said, i know my oldest, at least, watches BS and i like a hawk and takes in everything. so maybe it depends on the child?
i can no longer give blood because of my condition; and in fact, so many people get turned away now that i know it’s extra important for everyone to give it a try. i’m not sure why you were turned away, but it’s never too late to try again 😉 i certainly applaud you for having tried!!!!! as someone who doesn’t like needles all that much, i know it took a lot of gritting of my teeth to do it when i did it, but i tried really hard to think about good things. that always helped me through it. (plus knowing i was getting cookies at the end was cool, too 😉
my fear, of course, wendy, is that if and when they do decide to spread goodness, their idea of goodness will be sharing their religious views in attempts to proselytize. i would love to be wrong on that and find them helping homeless people by building shelters… or by using their celebrity for raising money for all of the earthquake victims. or SOMETHING that alleviates a little suffering. anything except sharing their beliefs.
I was bothered when they were building their house. All the children helped, yeah! But the girls are out there on a construction site in dresses. They have the good sense to put safety goggles on all the kids (or maybe the producers did) and then send them out in their little house on the prairie-wear. Or the week that everyone switched jobs and the boys cooked, cleaned and did laundry and the girls … well, I am unsure what the girls did. I’m all for teaching our children how to be responsible adults, but let’s teach them equally. Although, from the looks of it the eldest son he married a similar-minded woman and she does the cooking, cleaning, laundry and birthing. All this ranting might suggest I’m a regular fan, but this is what I’ve picked up on Cake Boss commercials (okay, I watch it occasionally – it’s like a train wreck, I can’t turn away).
fret not, catherine. i end up watching pieces of it because my kid watches it. i’m taking deep breaths and talking with her whenever we both see things that raise our eyebrows. i am grateful to have a kid whose eyebrows are raising at moments when mine raise, too 😉
I have to confess, I get a kick out of them!
I think it’s a balance against a lot of junk that the kids see on TV . . . a family that “works together”, even if they are weird. Think of all the dysfunctional families seen on TV, the media spotlight glorifying all the bratty, selfish kids. Even the tween shows annoy me, where the humor is crude and is based adults and teachers always playing the fools and pre-teen girls wear skin tight clothes and too much make up.
Granted, they’re odd, they dress funny, their values are conservative to the extreme and parents keep tight control over everything. I agree 100%. To their credit, however, the kids all seem healthy, articulate, all work and contribute to the family and are not focused on materialism. The kids aren’t fat and lazy, they don’t watch TV and play video games all day, and the kids aren’t whining about not having the latest fad or fashion, they aren’t hitting each other and disrepsecting every adult who walks in the room. It’s nice to see a family acting civilly toward each other. To my limited knowlegde the parents seem to think that it’s “their calling” to have a lot of kids, but not that it’s right for everyone. Also have seen episodes where the family went to El Salvador to donate gifts to orphans and AIDS-kids and help re-build damaged schools and homes, so they have done some good with their celebrity. The teens and big kids were apparently volunteering there again when #19 (eek) was born.
Would I ever want my kids to walk and talk and dress like them? Heck no. . . . but neither would I want them to adopt Sponge Bob’s humor.
The thing is, it WORKS for this one particular family.
I, for one, am jealous! The woman has had 19 children and she looks awesome! My 9-year-old daughter is very supportive — she tells me I don’t look that much older or that much fatter.