FAMILY – Page 45 – Wrekehavoc.com

Category: FAMILY

good things come in threes. so do bad things.

Posted on November 17, 2006 by wrekehavoc

so yesterday, when we last left our hero (me), i was covered in beer. it stood to reason that i would spend the rest of the week wondering when i (or things that required cleaning) would be covered in other substances.

wonder no more.

today, i have indulged in a happy cake-baking marathon. a very special little friend of ours is turning 4; another special little one is turning one; and BS is turning, well, older than 4 + 1 combined, for sure. the parents of the first two parties are having one giant party tomorrow and have asked me to bake. i am honored. of course, the cakes may not end up looking like a professional made them (especially since there are little folks here who are d y i n g to help decorate, so please forgive me now, alanna and kelly, wherever you are), but hopefully, they will be tasty enough to please the folks who are eating them. (besides, we all know everyone cares mostly about the frosting, anyway, right?)

but i am covered in flour. substance #2.

so you say, well, that’s only two. where’s three, little miss can’t be wrong?

i got #3 for ya. in spades.

last night, left to his own devices, jools got hold of a BIG bottle of baby powder. mind you, we seldom ever used baby powder on either kids as babies, so this was a gift that we’d had since jools was born. to make a long story short, he poured all of exhibit A on his library books and CDs; on his furniture; in his BOOMBOX, in his drawers; and basically everywhere his little hands could go. i asked him later: why did you pour powder everywhere?

he informed me that he was sprinkling powder to scare away the skeletons. jools is afraid of skeletons. i don’t have the heart to tell him that there’s a skeleton inside of him at all times for fear he will never sleep again.

suffice to say that we’ll be living with the baby powder for awhile, or at least until we move him to his new room.

yep. beer. flour. powder. good things come in threes. yahoo.

it's raining beer. hallelujah, it's raining beer.

Posted on November 16, 2006 by wrekehavoc

my windows are wide open right now. there’s a tornado watch and thunderstorm warning and big ole wind gusts happening at the moment. and yet, i laugh at danger and welcome the fresh air in. why? because my kitchen currently smells like a frat house the day after a huge bash. oh, that, plus some lemony-fresh ammonia, which i used to wash the damn floor.

it’s the smell of an evil, poisonous shandy.

now, why, you might ask, is my house so odiforous that i am probably taking years off my life or at least giving myself some weird, kooky contact high? well, you see. we don’t drink a whole lot in this house. it isn’t like we’re opposed; in fact, we like indy-brewed beers, and me, i like a nice aussie shi-razzz, as i pronounce it. we just don’t get a big chance to drink all that much. i mean, BS spent the weekend doing painting and other major house-y tasks, and while i found one emptied bottle of beer in the recycling, i found an entire six pack of yoohoo lite. that pretty much sums us up in a nutshell.

but the remainder of said beer and other assorted bottled drinks was perched precariously atop our fridge. so this morning, when a certain someone who was half-asleep (we won’t mention names, i’ll just look at the party and whistle) vigorously opened the freezer door, the entire six-pack crashed to the kitchen floor. glass and beer were everywhere. there was much gnashing of teeth. it was not a pretty scene.

so here i was, ready to tackle the world today. and instead, i am burning cycles trying to pick up all the teeny shards and tyring to keep my house from stinkin’ like Plank Road.

the demise of fudgie the whale

Posted on November 15, 2006 by wrekehavoc

BS’s birthday is saturday. and most every year since we’ve been together (which includes dating, so it’s 19), i have gotten him a Fudgie the whale cake. there’s nothing behind the whole whale thing; it’s just so darn yummy. and fudgy.

and besides. he’s a whale of a guy. (yuk, yuk.)

anyway, in previous years, i drove all the way out to what i thought was a carvel, as they made the best darn fudgie cake ever (and for $22, cash or check only please). but last year, i inadvertantly created what BS refers to as Fudgiegate. you see, an actual carvel opened here in our town. when i went there and found out that they charge close to $40 for said Fudgie, i said, “wow, the carvel out in falls church sells them for $22!) thus began many calls from the owner of the carvel, asking me to make a statement about my experiences with the falls church carvel imposter. i was bummed; you see, i really liked the place out in falls church.

i ended up with a Fudgie from our local carvel, which was not half as tasty (and was somehow smaller!) than the pretender Fudgie. i vowed that this year, i would go back to the place in falls church.

so today, i called up to order a Fudgie the Whale from the place in falls church. seems that they are under new management now. and no one knows what the hell i mean by Fudgie the Whale. so now, i either go to our local carvel for a less-than-wonderful cake, or i punt on a tradition that is nearly two decades strong.

ah, Fudgie. we hardly knew ye.

pre-pre-teen angst

Posted on November 14, 2006 by wrekehavoc

its official. i have finally found someone even more neurotic than i am.

my daughter.

can’t blame my little chick, though; she has reason to be, to be sure. she is talking to me tonight about what if’s. there’s a boy who she has to sit with at school each day who has a serious problem — every time she speaks (and not necessarily to him, mind you), he imagines she has said something bad and malevolent. the first time this happened, he thought she was saying a slur on his ethnicity. and he slapped her.

he a c t u a l l y slapped her.

and the substitute teacher in charge told him not to slap her but also maligned my daughter for saying something not-so-nice about his ethnicity.

i went to the principal on this one.

they questioned everyone involved. and although they are pretty sure she didn’t say anything bad about his ethnicity, no one actually completely gives her a clean slate. which pisses me off. my beloved child is many, many things. but she does not have a bigoted bone in her body, something i would like to continue for as long as possible.

so meanwhile, back to this boy. they were playing a math game today at her table. and she had the temerity to be excited about something, and, mocking her mom, exclaimed, “yee ha!” this boy thought she said the word “fat” which he believes to be a bad word. “mama,” she asked, “i didn’t say it, but is fat a bad word?”

“no dear. though it isn’t nice to call someone fat.”

“well, i didn’t. but he thinks i said it and now he wants to go to the teacher.”

man. i have had enough of this boy. i think i will have to go in and have the teacher change someone’s seat. it always pisses me off, though, that the person who is causing the trouble is never the one who gets his seat changed. my daughter loves everyone else at her table–she has become friendly with everyone, and they work together well, which is important considering this is spanish immersion and they all have to work together — the native english speakers and the native spanish speakers. so why should she have to change tables?

dreary day

Posted on November 12, 2006 by wrekehavoc

it rained. and it rained. and it rained. there are only so many ways to amuse children when it is raining outside unless you are a supermom. which i am not. we did, however, go to an indoor pool for about a half hour. it was fun until jools started to shiver. he has 0 percent body fat, so sooner or later, he freezes in the pool.

i would have to say that was pretty much today’s high point. carry on, people. nothing to see here today.

it's all about perspective

Posted on November 10, 2006 by wrekehavoc

today, i met a friend of my mother’s who grew up in germany during world war II. unfortunately, because of the sea of children present, i couldn’t ask her more about her life. but she told a story which i found fascinating.

she and her family had been living in their cellar for two weeks when germany surrendered to the allies. she must have been about 8 or 9 years old at the time. they hung a white sheet out so that the troops would know that they had surrendered. when she and her sibling came out of the house, they met american troops for the first time.

she watched these young men, who were chewing and chewing but never putting additional food in their mouths. she was completely puzzled; are they like cows, she wondered, chewing on cud? but no. she finally learned – they were chewing on bubble gum. she had never seen or heard of bubble gum before.

my mother chimed in at this point. “ah,” she said. “bubble gum was scarce then. i remember lining up the first day that they had bubble gum at the candy store near my home in brooklyn. i ran out of school and waited my entire lunch hour for a piece of bubble gum, so long that i missed my lunch at home and my mother, worried out of her mind, was about to call the police about me.”

she added, laughing, “so, the GIs had all the gum, huh ;-)”

living my child's life

Posted on November 9, 2006 by wrekehavoc

sometimes i wonder how involved i should be in my kids’ lives. my son is now reporting that no one wants to play with him. he chases friends at school; he hugs them. but apparently, this approach is not working for him. how do you get through to other three year old boys? i guess by just asking them to play with you and see how it goes. one child has challenges of his own and constantly tells my son he is “stupid.” these are the sorts of things that break your heart. while he is three, i continue to try to talk him through all of this. but how much does he understand? how much does he hurt? it’s all so hard to gauge.

regression analysis

Posted on November 6, 2006 by wrekehavoc

note: i just posted this question to my favorite forum, DC Urban Moms. i am so wildly desperate for answers that i’m posting the question in my blog, too. if anyone out there has any suggestions, please write to me and let me know. i’ll thank you, and my washing machine will thank you, too.

ok, that may have given a chuckle to the parents out there who slaved through quantitative techniques in grad school, but the sort of regression analysis i am talking about actually involves a little boy, a toilet, and some r e a l l y messy pants.

my three-year-old son was daytime trained this summer. there was much rejoicing. however, at the end of september, he changed from a daycare situation to a full-day montessori program at an elementary school, a program that requires kids to be potty-trained. they don’t nap, and they have a short lunchtime and short recess that mirrors the schedule of the bigger kids at school. in the past month, he has not only had pee accidents, but he has actually had poop accidents. did i mention they don’t like to change kids there, though they will occasionally… today, we’ve had two poop accidents, and i actually had to go to school to change him for the second time.

i’m not exactly the sharpest tack in the box these days, but i think my son is trying to tell me something.
i’m sure there are others who have been in a similar boat. i am trying to address the underlying question of whether this is just too much of a structured experience for him; but someone out there — please tell me how you got your child-formerly-known-as-a-potty-trained-champ out of regressive behavior? it seems to go beyond the usual potty training tricks – we’ve been through them all the first time, and they’re not working the second go-round.

another issue which makes me think i am becoming the worst mother in the whole world: i am beginning to get really, really irritated with these accidents. it was easier to be kind and understanding when he was learning to train. now, i *know* he is able to control his toileting, but he is choosing not to. it’s hard to smile and say “that’s ok!” to your child as you clean up their 4th/5th/lost count accident of the day when you know they known damn well how to go to the bathroom. but i’m the grownup, and he’s the kid, and i am trying to get over myself.

but it’s so hard.

the holidays are upon us

Posted on November 6, 2006 by wrekehavoc

in this house, we celebrate chanukah. and christmas (in a secular way.) and, in a stroke of brilliance that i refuse to take credit for, it’s also BC’s birthday.

we refer to december as the BIG BIRTHDAY BONANZA MONTH!

now, it’s hard enough as a parent to figure out a birthday present. but to have to figure out birthday presents, chanukah (one for each night, mind you) AND CHRISTMAS is a moment i dread each year. and of course, starting in october, grandparents and others start asking for hints. and i have very little clue. i place catalogs in front of my kids – etoys, land of nod, SHOOT, harry and david if it would only yield some answers.

but of course, both of my kids have shown how acquisitive they are. “i want this, and this, and this, and this, and this…” ad nauseum. i remember when i first became a mom how i wanted to raise people who cared about others and loved the earth and all those good, crunchy qualities i cherish. and they do, of course, possess many of those qualities. but they also want polly pockets, and race cars, and a baby doll high chair, and… well, you get the picture.

it makes me feel like i have somehow failed as a mom.

on the bright side, i guess i have ideas now for gifts. i’d better make room in my house for all the crap that will descend starting in early december.

******

of course, the only thing i want, no one can give me.

at the playground

Posted on November 5, 2006 by wrekehavoc

we took a jaunt to a new playground this evening, BC, jools, BS, and BC’s pal, Alison. the kids all started to create a restaurant with some sandy mud and various sticks and acorns. so jools comes toddling over with a bucket first, filled with sand, and announces, “do you want some hamburgers and creme brulee?”

BS and i didn’t know he had ever heard of creme brulee. the fanciest we get is vanilla pudding.

a few minutes later, Alison comes over to collect some more sand near us. another mom is neaby with her little one, who is looking on wistfully, waiting to join in the restaurant biz. “what are you making?” i ask Al.

“Julian says he wants us to bring him a six-pack next.” jools learned this term from the adventures of zak and cody, where the heroes ask for a six-pack of soda. but it’s too long to explain that.

the other mother looks at us. we shrug. we wait for her to pick up her cell and call the authorities. fortunately, she just takes her son and walks over to the kids.

for anyone concerned, my kids seldom drink soda. and that’s about the hardest stuff they’ll get around here.