ms. malaprop – Page 8 – Wrekehavoc.com

Category: ms. malaprop

silent night

Posted on December 10, 2008 by wrekehavoc

this is for all the people who don’t feel very shiny or happy this time of year.

december is a whirlwind kind of month around here. we have BC’s birthday. we have chanukah. and we have christmas. it’s a crazybusy time. i never remember whether i’ve gotten the whole presents thing right. BS usually has one full day of cursing out the christmas tree lights (because apparently, there is always one bad apple that spoils the whole bunch.) the kids are wound up on cookies and frosting and dreams of what presents will be coming around for them. i know we should be feeling the joy, but there are moments…

see, there’s this tacit assumption that during holiday time, everyone should be feeling happy and peppy and bursting with love. it sickens me, to be honest, in it’s self-centeredness. if you’re depressed, well, it seems like the world around you is having a great big party and you have not been invited. (n’yeah n’yeah.) and even though people will often try to involve you and get you in the spirit so to speak, they may become angry when you simply don’t have it in you.

and then you’re sad and rejected. goody.

depression is very real. having experienced it myself after giving birth to BC, i can honestly tell you that you feel like you have dug yourself a deep hole and nothing will pull you out of it. fortunately, it’s a bit less stigmatized than it once was. if you’re lucky, you might either know you need help, or perhaps someone close to you will suggest it. you might needs meds; you might need to talk to someone. hell, you might need both. and if you don’t have health insurance, call your local health department, as they may be able to let you know how you can get help you can afford.

but please. get help. no one has to be happy. but no one should have to suffer this sort of pain, either.

misty

Posted on October 22, 2008 by wrekehavoc

recently, there has been a lot of discussion on a moms list i’m on about FluMist — whether it’s better to get a flu shot or let your older-than-two year old sniff up that misty stuff. as a mom who has a daughter who wildly hates shots, this is something near and dear to my heart. (in fact, i’m embarrassed to state that BC has not had a flu shot yet this year, thanks to her performance when she hid under a desk. it took two nurses, a doctor, and me to get her out. but i’m going to get her there.)

my kids cannot have Flu Mist, and it’s all my fault. see, Flu Mist is a live vaccine. you shed that yummy influenza germy goodness once you get it, and if you’re in the vicinity of a person who has a weakened immune system, you can make them deathly ill. so it’s shots for them, all the way. (we also have fun thinking about other live shots. i just try to make sure they get it right after i’ve had my IVig so that i have maximum infection fighting power in me, should i get sick. don’t know if it would actually work in reality, but it’s the only thing i can do. those kids are not going without their shots. period.)

i do get nervous about FluMist, though — there are a lot of grandmas and grandpas, for example, who may be exposed to their recently-misted grandkids. and they may get really sick because of it. and we’re not talking just a simple cough or sniffle.

still, at least i guess they’re getting vaccinated. it just reminds me of the situation with antibacterial soap and gel: someone devised it, thinking it will be an exceptionally easy way to kill even more germs than regular soap. what it does now is make those bacteria stronger and more antibiotic-resistant. but progress is all about making things easier for us, and this soap and gel was supposed to be emblematic of progress. and it is: progress gone awry. and now, we’re so damned frightened of making our kids have a few seconds of pain that we crave another solution, even if it might mean a public health problem for others.

i wonder whether ours is the first generation to wuss out over shots, as a friend put it. we do not remember the polio epidemic; we cannot recall smallpox. we don’t know how horrible certain illnesses can be. heaven forbid our children have moments of pain, as if the pain is worse than the medical issue it’s meant to stave off. and some vaccines aren’t perfect; people sometimes get chickenpox even after receiving the vaccine. but the vaccines help more than they don’t; and i feel very strongly about immunizations.

that’s why i am sick to my stomach about a homeschooling network that exists specifically to homeschool because they do not want to give their children immunizations. i find this repugnant. while i have learned a lot about homeschooling since shooting my mouth off awhile back; and while i have a new respect for some who have chosen that path; this, to me, this particular thread is an outrage. this is not about education; this is a public health issue. to me, it’s tantamount to child abuse: these kids are sitting ducks for measles, polio, and other horrible illnesses. and no, it’s not just a week in bed and they’re better again, people.

and what will you do then — pray that they get better? exhaust your healthcare (if you have it) or else exhaust tax dollars (if you don’t)? all because you didn’t want them to get a shot?

i get really sick and tired about parental paranoia over the government. our government isn’t perfect. duh. but people talk about federal agencies as if they are composed entirely of automotons. guess what, folks: government agencies have just as many mindless people as you do in your office. there are people who care, and people who don’t. but mostly, and especially in the health sector, they do. people stake their careers on getting the info right. they know they have other peoples’ lives on the line. they’re not advocating immunizations because they think it’s a fun thing to do: they do it because they think it’s the right thing to do. and not just for your child — they’re thinking more globally. that’s what public health is all about.

so just as i will get extremely pissed at parents who let their babies swim in pools without plastic pants on (they put them in huggies swimmers and then marvel that their poop gets through, closing the pool down for fear of an E coli experience), i get extremely pissed at the parents who don’t immunize. oh, you say, you can’t trust the government. you don’t want the state telling you what to do with the precious children you’ve been entrusted.

i wonder who the hell entrusted you with those babes. if it was G-d, She must have been having a day off and you lucked out and squeezed through anyway.

ring of fire

Posted on October 16, 2008 by wrekehavoc

when i was a junior in high school, i was granted a Board of Education scholarship to attend the Bennington July Program at Bennington College in Vermont. it was the best summer experience i ever had, hands down. i took a drama class, spending hours practicing shakespearean monologues (i still can remember my inability to fully imitate my teacher, leroy logan, and his booming voice as he went on…the barge she sat in BURNT on the water… the poop was BEATEN gold…etc), a flute class, a piano class, a music theory class. i still think fondly of a trip to tanglewood, where i dozed on a picnic blanket, listening to ozawa conduct the boston philharmonic in a delicious stravinsky program. i composed the music to a play, and i played osa johnson in another play. i played for hours in the piano rooms. i ran through green fields that made me want to sing like julie andrews.

and, i immersed myself in my writing. i wrote poetry. i wrote an evil short story i wish i could find — i think still it was one of the best things i ever wrote. i wrote everything and anything.

in short, it was a 30-day creative explosion in my head.

one day, my creative writing teacher gave me a poem, my favorite ever since. i kept the ditto’d work with me always, traveling to different schools, different homes, different states. and then one day, i noticed the shreds i possessed were gone.

until now. thanks to the internet, i actually finally found the poem. i never knew it had been written by a hebrew feminist poet, dahlia ravikovitch.

i think i’ll share it in its translated glory.

A DRESS OF FIRE

for Yitzhak Livni

You know, she said, they made you
a dress of fire.
Remember how Jason’s wife burned in her dress?
It was Medea, she said, Medea did that to her.
You’ve got to be careful, she said,
they made you a dress glowing like an ember,
burning like coals.

Are you going to wear it, she said, don’t wear it.
It’s not the wind whistling, it’s the poison
oozing.
You’re not even a princess, what could you do to Medea?
Can’t you tell one sound from another, she said,
it’s not the wind whistling.

Remember, I told her, that time when I was six?
They shampooed my hair and I rushed out into the street.
That shampooing
trailed its scent after me like a cloud.
Then I got sick from the wind and the rain.
I didn’t yet know how to read Greek tragedies,
but the scent of the perfume spread
and I was very sick.
Now I can see it was an unnatural perfume.

What will become of you, she said,
they made you a burning dress.
They made me a burning dress, I said. I know.
So why are you just standing around, she said,
you’ve got to be careful.
You know what a burning dress is, don’t you?

I know, I said, but not about
being careful.
One whiff of that perfume and I’m all confused.
I said to her, No one has to agree with me,
I don’t trust Greek tragedies.

But the dress, she said, the dress is on fire.
What are you saying, I shouted,
what are you saying?
I’m not wearing a dress at all,
what’s burning is me.

kill the poor (blog action day)

Posted on October 15, 2008 by wrekehavoc

welcome to blog action day 2008. the subject: poverty.

morning in america has become the evening of the poverty of the soul.

those go-go 1980s, the ones which promised everyone mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money; the decade which started the true rise of the walmart-ization of the US [motto: you can have everything you ever wanted — you can pay less for it, and we’ll buy it all from china, where we can pay eight year olds to make this cheap, unsafe crap — damn the social, economic, political, health, or even environmental ramifications]; the era where we forgot all consequences of our actions — consequences, shmonsequences, a president teetering around 80 won’t need to deal with the consequences for more than a few more decades. remember them? the ’80s psychological fallout is present all around us.

in short, the 1980s, as fostered by ronald reagan, made it quite acceptable to bash the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. it made it okay to be mean to those less fortunate.

it made it okay to not care. period.

people on welfare? they all want to be on welfare, those lazy good-for-nothings. (i’m shocked that they didn’t bring back debtor’s prisons.)

damn taxes all around. the government shouldn’t be taking my hard-earned cash to pay for infrastructure. if it doesn’t affect me personally, i don’t need to pay for it. schools? i have no kids. elderly? i’m young. and those ‘special interest programs’? i’m a white male. no one’s looking after me. why should the government be paying special attention to minorities or women? we’re now a nation of knee-jerk, egocentric whiners: whatever it is, i’m against it.

sound familiar? these self-serving attitudes permeate the land to this very day. they’re even celebrated in places like Fox News, i daresay.

yes, the decade that made selfishness a G-d-given-right has helped to shape our current circumstances. the clinton era, while clearly not nirvana itself, attempted to swing things back some through failed efforts for the common good, such as the push for universal health care (though the flourishing tech boom reinforced the whole greed is good bit — believe me, i met my fair share of ’90s gordon gekko geeks), but somehow, americans then voted in droves for a president who would revalidate their selfishness about everything.

how patriotic can you be if you don’t wave a flag and affirm america the greatest country in the world?

how much can you possibly love this country if you spend time criticizing those in power, just because you wish the country to be a beacon to the world for freedom… and compassion?

we have become a nation where so many have lost connection with others. so many do not see themselves as part of a larger whole. so many only want what’s in it for them. they may sacrifice others in the short term for their profit; but eventually, they, too, will suffer.

and we’ll all be poorer for it.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
Mother Teresa

here you come again: my latest trip to disney

Posted on October 14, 2008 by wrekehavoc

i didn’t love disney enough last year.

so we went back again last week.

i made some brief notes to myself about the event. i suspect i will write in more length about it, but for now, here are some abbreviated, up-to-the-minute thoughts from a person who probably was under the influence of too much sugar, both literally and figuratively speaking.

1) i used to like people. then i came to disney. yes, mr. ripley. i am not by nature misanthropic. not until i hit the magic kingdom; then, all bets are off. people — grownups and kids alike — are on their worst behavior. i cut kids slack here — they’re kids, after all — but the grownups?

we were waiting on line for the animal safari in animal kingdom — a neat place and a neat ride, incidentally. i like to use lines as a teachable lesson for my kids. you know, an exercise in patience and fairness? a woman and her two kids continually tried to push ahead of us, the family ahead of us, and the older couple on the motorized scooter in front of them. eventually, they succeeded, hitting their trifecta of triumph. what we didn’t know: the woman’s friend and the friend’s young son did not push ahead and remained behind us. why are you so far behind? miss pushypushy asked her friend. why don’t you come up here and join us?

in one of the rarest moments ever, BS and i said in unison, NO! we had had it. for 20 minutes, this woman kept on pushing, nearly trampling over people. i added, if you’d like to join your friends, you can move back and join them.

i noticed that the friend behind us suddenly had a few words with BS. i didn’t hear them at first, so i asked BS what the woman left behind had said.

he replied: she told me “have a nice day! hope you get sent to iraq!”

yes. it’s a small world, after all.

2) don’t walk? don’t come. no, i don’t mean people who really need wheelchairs. but i continue to be shocked by the number of strollers housing children who are old enough to accomplish long division. conversely, if you aren’t old enough to walk, you probably are too young to remember the experience. i suspect if you’re child #3 and you’re being dragged along for the ride thanks to sibling #1 and sibling #2, i can cut some slack. but seriously? we went to the halloween party, where we walked in with two parents, two grandparents, and a baby girl who was maybe a wee bit over one. let’s see: an evening that costs $50 per person. you’re bringing a baby in at 7 pm. it’s going to be dark in five minutes. yep. a worthwhile expenditure.

BC started pumping my hand every time we passed a child in a stroller who was older than 4. (it’s almost a dead giveaway when you see them reading.) (yes, my daughter is becoming as snarky as her mom.) i tried to take the high road on this, but it’s awfully difficult when you see kids who are too damn lazy to move. which we saw. incessantly.

at one point, i ended up talking to a disney employee, who noted in amazement about the number of people who arrive, pick up wheelchairs (especially those zippy motorized ones), and zip around from ride to ride. they just don’t want to walk around the park. you know, she said with great candor, i understand if someone has a disability, a bad knee, that sort of thing. but these people just come here and pretend to have an issue when they’re just plain lazy.

whoa. i thought the employees were shiny and happy all the time.

3) freaky people. then, there are the scary people who live for disney. you know the ones, the folks with personalized disney plates? the ones who visit the place every month? they’ve gotten married here, they’ve given birth on the monorail, and they plan to have mickey mouse circumcise their baby boy? while waiting for dinner one night, we saw a couple there who made me hold tight to my children. (it didn’t help that the guy looked like charlie manson.) i suspect they each wore about 50 pounds of disney pins.

yes, i’m here to tell you that i am clearly deficient as a mother. we did not dress up in homemade, matching disney costumes like so many families did at the halloween party. i am not crafty enough to make one costume (unless you count taking a bedsheet, poking two holes in it, and calling it a “ghost suit.”) frankly, i was lucky that i remembered to pack the kids’ costumes.

speaking of matchy-matchy fun, when we were poor, starving newlyweds, BS and i bought matching polo shirts at montgomery wards to wear to the bahamas, an ill-fated trip which i spent in the bathroom, barfing my guts out for a full 24-hours before skeedaddling back to the US for medical treatment. thus, i am also not one of those chicks who makes my husband and kids wear the same shirt as i while we travel to walt’s world. too much bad karma.

besides: BS would look dorky if i made him wear a tinkerbell shirt.

anyway, there’s so much more to share, including the folks who brought their Ipods to watch shows while waiting on line rides. see, every. minute. must. be. filled. silly us, we talked to each other while we waited. (well, that, and we watched this young girl toss her cookies massively while we were on the Toy Story Mania ride line. most people were grossed out. several found a way to step around the sea of woof. they had waited a long time, and dammit, they were not going to be hindered by that!)

oh, the humanity.

sorry seems to be the hardest word

Posted on October 8, 2008 by wrekehavoc

yom kippur is a day when we jews apologize for our sins and ask G-d to inscribe us in the book of life.

there are so many things for which i am sorry. a few:

i’m sorry i lose patience with people, especially with my kids.

i’m sorry i am occasionally horrible to the people who love me the most.

i’m sorry i don’t always keep my promises to myself.

i’m sorry i am not doing more to make the world a better place for my kids and for everyone else’s kids.

and

i’m sorry i make assumptions about other people.

all those years ago

Posted on October 1, 2008 by wrekehavoc

when i was growing up, there was a boy in my class. he was always in my class. and i was always behind him, as his last name started sta and mine was ste, from elementary school through high school. we were both precociously smart, always doing the extra work since this was the world before gifted and talented classes.

i couldn’t abide him back in the day. (i suspect it was mutual, as i wasn’t exactly the human cakewalk then.) it wasn’t really personal; frankly, i couldn’t abide most boys at school back in the day. i think it was one of those ewww, boys have cooties sort of life decisions. and after high school, i never heard a whit of him again. i moved away from my hometown, and this, of course, was the land before facebook and twitter and blogs. but now, he has found me. and you know what?

i’m so very glad he found me: he’s funny as hell.

i say this because recently, i joined facebook. and in an instant, i found — or was found by — all these people i knew 25 years ago. its unbelievable that people i’ve wondered about for years now can simply IM me any time i’m on FB. and it’s a hoot re-meeting people as grownups.

its a little weird at times, admittedly.

but that being said, it is also rather healing. a girl i was best friends with my junior and into-senior years of high school — she found me. i was furious with her when she went after the only boy i liked. and we stopped talking; in truth, i probably simply stopped talking to her.

and what a shame. because when we started talking again, it was like we had only talked last tuesday. it’s nice to walk down memory lane with people who remember you as you were, but only a few people can pick up from there and start to appreciate you as you are now. and she could, and i could, and i wondered about all those years i had squandered in a pig-headed moment.

ah well. it’s nice to look forward with people who knew you when you were a bit more backward.

feed me, seymour

Posted on September 24, 2008 by wrekehavoc

i’m woefully overdue for responding to this meme that my pal nylonthread assigned. you’ll find that i am not exactly a major carnivore. i don’t eat a ton of meat or fish; i don’t eat pork at all; and i don’t really have any interest whatsoever in eating most animals, exotic or not. i don’t like the taste, and i don’t see the point. but that’s just me: a girl who, as a child, would take a peanut butter and jelly sammich over a steak. i’ve never, ever been able to get excited about a steakhouse or a great seafood restaurant.

now a vegetarian restaurant? THAT i get excited about. i don’t mind chicken, though it’s not like i search it out most of the time. me, i like beans, cheese, nuts and nut butters, and veggies.

and chocolate, of course.

but to each his own.

the rules:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile (does alligator count? i tried some on my honeymoon.)
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp (does gefilte fish count?)
9. Borsch
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho (LOVE PHO)
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters (had to have a few beers before i tried it. no more for me, thanks.)
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (and no, i don’t especially like clam chowder. or clams.)
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects (unless you count my unintentional inhalation of bugs.)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala (YUMMMMM)
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi – not sure.
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin (uhm, isn’t that clay?)
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie (my lunch of choice senior year in high school)
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum (tom yum kai, to be more specific)
82. Eggs Benedict (ew.)
83. Pocky (but i’d be happy to try it!)
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (no spam was a cornerstone of our marital negotiations.)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox (hello. what tribe am i from?)
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

talk talk

Posted on September 18, 2008 by wrekehavoc

pink asparagus interviewed me for her most excellent blog. go check it out!

while you’re at it, make sure you throw pink into your reader. her posts are thought-provoking. and i especially enjoy her haiku, particularly this one.

i feel love

Posted on September 9, 2008 by wrekehavoc

today’s my half birthday (yes, i track these things, yes indeed i do). because i’m such a fun gal, i’ll probably be experiencing a two-hour HIDA scan while you folks out there are reading this. thus, i thought i’d try to block out the blogging yuck factor and instead focus on something happy and more powerful.

in this vein (no pun intended on the scan front), my pal testosterone zone, who i suspect may be related to me if not by birth then by experience, has graciously given me an award: the kick ass blogger award.

that chick knows a thing or two about kicking asses: she’s surrounded by boys and men, 24/7. i love reading her accounts of days where i marvel at her ability to handle immense stress and pressure while resisting the urge to run through the streets menacingly wielding some sharp object. she always knows the right thing to say, and she has no fear whatsoever in saying it (something to which i aspire.) i am honored by her nomination! go read her. i’ll wait…

of course, i need to share the love. there are so many people i heart here, so i’ll flip coins and such cos i can only list five and there are so many, many more i would share if i could.

so, drum roll, please… these five people kick ass:

foolery kicks ass because she makes virtual milk come out of my nose.
ms. nylonthread kicks ass because though she may, just may, resemble sarah palin when she wears her glasses, she would never in a gazillion years think like her.
momzombie, who says things i dare not speak, and whose blog sports old skool fischer price little people.
surelyyounest, because she keeps it real… real crunchy. and real fun.
alejna at collecting tokens, because she just had a baby and is still blogging.

go forth and conquer, ladies. here is your mission, should you decide to accept it, from Mama Dawg, the originator of this thang.

Mamma Dawg’s instructions:

LOVE ON ‘EM

Choose 5 bloggers that you feel are “Kick Ass Bloggers�?

Let ‘em know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they’ve received an award

Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to www.mammadawg.com

Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!