Celine Dion singing “G-d Bless America” at full blast while i am on hold for the pediatrician's office. OUCH!

AOL made it onto the list of 100 best companies for working mothers by Working Mother magazine.

i can tell you from personal experience that it just ain't so.

beware of jokes you make at your child's expense. they will boomerang right back in your face 😉

when i was little, i watched a lot of the tv show The Flying Nun. hence, one day, when i was helping BC take over her t-shirt so we could get her in her jammies, a name was born. the neck on this shirt was a little tight, and when i had it around her head, it looked like a nun's habit. i started yelling, “sister bertrille, sister bertrille!” it continued – every time that happened, i yelled it and laughed.

tonight, an older, nearly butt-nekkid, (and evidently wiser) BC took her shirt off to “habit”-level, and started exclaiming “sister bertrille, sister bertrille!” as she ran down the hall.

boy, i am gonna swing for this.

yep, its official. i am scary.

i just called the 1-800 number and made an appointment to audition for the new Pyramid show starring Donny Osmond. (oooooh!) it is the same show as the old $100,000 Pyramid that i used to watch when i was home sick from school. with my luck, i won't get on the show — but who knows. i already made it onto Jeopardy! and was selected as an alternate for Who Wants to be a Millionaire (i didn't go on the latter because BC had her very first case of croup, so i declined.)

but yes, this does in fact mean i am turning into more of a freak than i was before. be afraid.

i am biting. ok, bethany, here you go. is a fellow (female?) rutgers alum. we “met” because i was randomly looking to see if anyone else thought of themselves as jersey girls. she's awfully nice, and i bet she would have been very handy the day i took my oral spanish final in college and answered my professor's spanish questions in flawless french 😉

there now. you are mentioned. 🙂 (though somehow, i think i misspelled your name. sheesh.)

you know, i used to wonder why charlie brown would continue to let lucy entice him into trying to kick the fucking football. how after years of dealing with lucy's malevolent streak, he would believe her and run up to the football, only to her her pull the damn thing away for the 40 millionth time.

i wonder no more.

every time, every single solitary time i go to best buy for something that is on sale, it is never there. never ever there. i don't buy another single thing, curse the place, and swear i will never step foot there again.

until the next time.

my computer is on the fritz, and since i work from my house, i really need a dependable pc. one that won't eat my novel, my work, etc. BS found one on sale this week at… you guessed it : Best Buy. i went to Best Buy. they moved it from where it once was to this brand-spanking-new building. i must admit, i even had SERVICE. (the crowd says: wooooo!) but, sadly, after the man there told me 6 times that he doesn't work on commission (total number of times i asked him whether he works on commission: 0), he also told me that the only store that still had a computer was in Springfield.

not to be confused with homer simpson's hometown, our springfield is a nightmarish road trip. while distance-wise, it isn't too bad (maybe 15 miles), the place is a driving nightmare. my head hurts thinking about springfield. there is a 10-year-project to fix “the mixing bowl,” the section of highway where 495 meets 395 meets disaster. 10 years. and guess where that is? springfield.

gaah. i hope better luck comes with this sunday's circular.

i know, i know. there are people out there who periodically fast to cleanse their systems or whatever other fashionable euphemism is used these days. they, of course, really don't fast. they still drink water, or juice, or something. however, it being the holiest day of the year for us RSPs, i am fasting. as in, eating nothing. drinking nothing. indulging in thoughts of why i am such a sorry human being and hoping i will do better next year.

now, anyone who has known me for at least 3 seconds knows that i apologize for everything. i am sorry probably were my first words. i apologize for my mistakes, i apologize for other people's mistakes. i apologize for natural disasters. you name it; it is probably somehow my fault. years of therapy might improve this situation, of course, but i doubt it.

anyway, i am a cranky, hungry SOB. and my BC, who is not fasting, tried to stick a giant blue lollipop in my face a little while ago. i think she was trying to be nice.

i am sorry for refusing it.

tomorrow is yom kippur. i have stuffed myself full of my favorite vietnamese food and am now close to vomiting. (and no, i don't intend to vomit. i don't belong on one of those sort of boards.) i won't be in shul, though. i have workmen coming over, and i have tons of work to do. i will set aside time, as i like to do, to contemplate the year and think of ways in which i can be a better person. (anyone who has suggestions, feel free to let me know. i might even pay some attention to said suggestions.) it does remind me of past yom kippur holidays where i spent the time unusually.

one year, i made the fatal error of not checking the calendar before my husband bought plane tickets and game tickets to see the Cleveland Indians play in their old stadium, just before the new one was completed. upon realizing said error, there was really nothing else i could do except sit in a cold, dank ballpark, smelling food all around me, and praying. pretty unorthodox, but hey, gotta give me credit for following through. by the time i was to break fast, we were in a Sfuzzi Restaurant and i was nearly eating the table cloth.

then there was the year that i also neglected to buy tickets because i had a job that somehow could not afford me to take the day off. so into work i went. at the time, i inhabited a windowless office in the US Department of Education that i shared with a gentleman who thought he was essentially smarter and better than the rest of us. that alone would be penance for any evil done during the year you'd think, right? wrong. for i allowed said southern gent the ability to play the country music station all day long. i don't believe in hell as a concept, incidentally, but if there is one, then they are surely playing WMZQ there.)

let's hope next year is a happy, healthy, and peaceful one.

something i could love. or maybe something could love 😉 (just kidding.)

morrissey's on the line.

“mommy, do you know who got me this doll?” BC yelled from her room.

“which one, honey?” i replied.

“the one with the bottle and the green clothes and the american eyes,” she replied.

i like the sound of that. the american eyes.