i am getting really sick of being sick. i am getting a little depressed. i know this is all part of the process, but this nausea i have felt for at least 5 weeks now is debilitating. i have things i need to get done, and i can barely do anything.

my trader joe's curried vegetable biryani, an indian dish, is imported from denmark.

huh?

i can't go up and down stairs much today. Yesterday, BS brought up a frozen meal from the freezer in the basement for my lunch today so that i wouldn't have to go down and up the stairs.

that is love.

i would like to point out that i do not make pictures on tables with my dandruff 😉

I am Allison! Which Brat Packer Are You?

You are pretty screwed up — so screwed up you need a shrink. Sadly, your shrink's pretty screwed up too. You like to make pretty pictures. You're such an outcast that you'd sit through detention with the hope of making some friends. The good news is that you look good when you want to. Hell, maybe you'll even bag someone as cool as Emilio Estevez.

i just had the CVS test done. it was not fun. i had to have a needle through my abdomen into the uterus. i squeezed BS's hand hard and thought of the ocean. i was supposed to keep breathing through the procedure. it was not easy. the needle wiggled around in my abdomen. in the end, the doctor showed me the villi sample in the needle. joy.

now i am supposed to take it easy for a day or two. minimize stair climbing. no carrying, twisting, turning. stay off my feet. how the hell am i supposed to do that with an almost 4-year-old? we have cupcakes to decorate for her school bake sale tomorrow, you know.

but, on the wondrous side, i saw my baby today. his (no, i don't know gender, i am using the generic HIM/HIS although in my heart, i think he is a boy) heart was beating, he was flipping about like a little fish, and his face? aw. my little alien baby. i am so thrilled. i just hope he stays ok in there.

in two week's time, i will have results. and my due date has been moved up to may 31.

today, i go in for a CVS test. the link will explain all, but essentially, it is a genetic test since i am a mom-to-be that is over 35. the test has some risks to the baby, including a risk of miscarriage. i am concerned, to say the least. i do not have any family history of any genetic issues. merely by my age, i qualify for this. (to be blunt, eggs get old 😉 i am not certain whether i am selfish to be putting my baby at risk to know that he or she is okay. i may still change my mind after they talk to me at the center.

i just don't know what to do.

it's a rainy day. BC, BS & i are going to eat popcorn now and watch monsters,inc which i just borrowed from our library. the DVD. i am so thrilled that i can get DVDs for free from the library.

is this a great country or what?

it is a rare day, indeed, when i am glad that my state (or actually commonwealth – VA is a commonwealth, although i forget the legal distinction between a state and commonwealth, so if someone knows out there, please let me know) is full of backwater, red-necked, conservative, bible thumpers.

but today, i am glad.

they have moved the sniper suspects to VA to stand trial. they have wiped away the federal charges, so now these assholes can come here to VA where we have no compunction about making people swing for evil deeds. i am only sorry that i probably cannot be on a jury as i don't live in fairfax county. linda's murder took place in an area called seven corners, which is sort of this no-man's-land that seems to be part of arlington, alexandria, falls church, and fairfax county all at once but in fact is really mostly fairfax county. of course, how impartial would i be, anyway, so i guess i shouldn't be on a jury for this. after all, they could cite that i had my mind made up before i even went in. mistrial, anyone?

there are quiet moments, though, when i wonder about the 17 year old. i wonder whether he was coerced to participate in this spree by John Mohammed. 17 year olds can be so impressionable. they like to pretend they know everything, of course, and they don't. we have all been (or hopefully will be one day) 17, and we all remember that feeling of young omniscience. and omnipotence.

but, as BS reminds me often, intent means nothing. facts mean everything. (that's where we often disagree. to me, intent can mean everything. but we won't go down that argumentative path now.) and allegedly, the 17-year-old gunned down linda. if so, he deprived the world of a wonderful, warm soul. and he should pay the price.

i am pretty disgusted by the election results. and yes, i voted, so i am entitled to say boo. my rep was re-elected, which was no shock. but i live in an area that is a small, relatively left-of-center island. i am shocked that the new maryland governor is a Republican. i am shocked that the GOP has pretty much taken over Congress.

i am annoyed that i had no choice against john warner for senate. (should i write in Mickey Mouse, Elizabeth Taylor, or Genghis Khan?”) i barked at the man when i came out of the voting booth. “you know, it is awfully hard to vote quickly when you have no choices.” it was worse in farifax, though – a friend had two uncontested GOP incumbents.

and i am scared that this seeming mandate for Bush's war on Sadaam means that war is inevitable.

the people who are going straight to hell museum

it appears that i would qualify for inclusion on several counts.